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Does my ex girlfriend want me back or is she just keeping me hanging on?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Friends, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, Me and my ex girlfriend split up about 10 days ago after a 3 year relationship. It started about a month ago when she told me that she needed some time apart to spend with her college friends (as she has just started college). Although i was hurt by this I let her have her time to be with her friends. Then during this "time apart" a friend of mine spotted her out with her ex who she was dating before me! I rang and asked her about this and she said that he had got back in contact and they where just texting and meeting up every now and then as friends, amongst other friends. Im not sure i believe her to be honest. Why would she contact her ex out of the blue and why would she even speak to him? She told me she hated him because he treat her bad and now they seem to be friends again! As i was enraged by this I decided to step in and end the relationship which is something which she then, and only then, admitted she had wanted for a while but just didnt have the guts to tell me.

10 days after this breakup she now texts me saying that she misses and loves me still and that she thinks that breaking up MAY, not WAS, but MAY, have been a mistake. However she just says this in text and doesnt really make any attempt to meet with me to tell me this and try to get back together. Its as if she tells me she wants me back but then doesnt actually make any actions to back it up with.

So my question is do you think she really wants me back or is she just keeping me hanging incase she realises she does want me back in the future? Also do you think I should trust her about the ex bf thing? I know he still wants her as he has even told her on her public facebook page which I read and she then quickly deleted.

Her actions and words don't seem to match up and she is really confusing me by sending these mixed signals to me. To be honest she is giving me hope with these texts but im not too sure if she is really serious or she is just trying to cling on to me for a "fall back guy"... what do you guys think I should do? Should I respond to her texts by saying "I want you back too".. or should I ignore her and wait to see if she makes a real effort to get me back? Or do you think the fact that she is in contact with her ex should make me run a mile? Would i be a fool to trust her again? Although she does 100% deny any romantic involvement on her part with her ex although she admits that her ex does want her back and she is still texting him despite knowing that I hate it and will not get back with her whilst she is still texting him! I do not believe that he is the cause of the breakup but I do think he could prevent us from ever getting back together.

What should I do? I love her a lot right now and I want to believe her and get her back but im confused about her intentions and whether or not I can trust her!

I am 24 and my ex is 22 in case your wondering.

Please Help... thank you.

View related questions: ex girlfriend, facebook, get back together, her ex, my ex, split up, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009):

First and foremost - hang in there my friend; you are not alone (the affairs of the heart inflict all of us); my advice to you would be to remain calm confident (PROMISE TO YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM IN THIS DEAL AND REMAIN CONFIDENT AND FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF)

I say all of the above b/c from a hurt place we are (ourselves suddenly all over the place) and also become less desirable not only to your ex (who you may want back), but to another.

I would honestly tell her you look forward to future (with or without her) and tell her if she has any unfinshed business with him (by all means) go for it; you want somebody who has both feet in (and it would be wonderful if she was that girl) - but otherwise if she has any doubts (you want her to work through them first). Good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009):

It sounds like she is wanting to keep you on her back burner while she decides what she wants. Believe me that place is no fun to be! Tell her she needs to decide now because you arent going to wait around for her to make up her mind. You are worth more than she is giving you. It also sounds like she is playing the exact same game with her ex! I would run away and run away fast.

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