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Does it mean he does not love me if he says he'll not put up a fight if I leave him?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2015)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

If you tell your boyfriend you will leave him and he does not put up a fight does this mean he does not truly LOVE you or care for you enough?

My BF says he would not stop me if I decided to leave him as he is not a fighter and if leaving him is what I would want, then he would let me go.

I thought that if a man cares about a woman, he will not want to let her go.... or at least fight for her. Sometimes that can make a difference.

Do we not fight for the things that are worth something to us? Or just let them get away that easily?

So, is this telling me I do not really mean that much to him after a year and a half together?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (8 January 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntHas this been a good relationship up till now? Or have there been issues?

What does "put up a fight" mean to you? Yelling? Screaming? Trying to convince you to stay.

Obviously you've told him you've thought about ending it. His response was to say "that's fine, I'm good with that."

You are 36-40, how old is he? What is his past relationship history? Does he have a tendency to avoid conflict?

If you've told him you are thinking of ending the relationship after a year and half and he basically said, 'that's fine," I'd take that as a pretty good indicator that he's not going to pop the question.

So why did you say you were going to end the relationship?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015):

Nope doesn't mean that at all . you heard of the saying if you really love them you have to let them go .

Also like the others have said us blokes think differently to you women.

the best thing to do is enjoy the moment .....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 January 2015):

Honeypie agony auntPutting up a fight OR not putting u pa fight is not about love. That is like the people who equate constant fighting and arguments as passion, IT'S not.

If you are WITH someone and THEY want to leave and NOT be with you, why fight? WHY make it harder then it has to be?

I think if a man (or a woman) LOVES another person, they WILL want what's best for that person, EVEN when it isn't them. If you LOVE them set them free, if they love you back they will stay.

I'm not really sure what you actually mean when you say FIGHT for you. Would you want him to start stalking you? Showing up everywhere you are? Sending flowers? Crying on the phone, constantly texting, begging you to take him back? What?

Because if someone genuinely FELT like ending a relationship for whatever reasons, those actions above would only show HOW little the GUY respects you. (general you).

If you mean a more, I can't be with you unless you move to my end of the country, and the guy just says Oh well.. then yes, he didn't love you as much as you wanted him to.

It really comes down to many many things. But in GENERAL I think "fighting" for someone is rarely the right thing to do. Specially if THAT person don't want to be with you, and has said so in words and actions.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (6 January 2015):

What? No. If someone doesn't want to be with you and leaves you, you let them go, period.

His thinking is correct.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015):

Guys often do not think too far ahead in the future. Here you are planning your break up, picturing yourself with a 3,000 mile distance between the two of you, cause you finally decided to follow your dream and move to Morrocco, and him running through forests, traversing oceans on freighters, crossing jungles, fighting gypsies, eating monkeys, to get to you, the one that got away.

He's not thinking this. He's thinking a more practical scenario. His break up fantasy is you pack a box with all your trinkets, move to your mom's basement just two blocks away and he is probably going to run into you at the park every now and then when you two are walking your dogs. And when you do run into him, you are going to find him so irresistible that you'll be begging to reconcile. So in the back of his head, even if you "break up," you're still going to be there. He is still going to have you at arm's reach.

Guys don't understand, they don't have the same picture that we have in our heads, when foreseeing a break up. That's why his reaction upon you bringing it up is so nonchalant.

This does not mean he doesn't love you. Guys think so differently about certain things than we do. That's what it comes down to.

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