A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts.This is about a married man i have been seeing for about 7yrs,No judgements please,but i would like you insight on this He knows that i love him but he will only say to me,you know my situation,I can't give you more than i do,but obviously that is not enough for you,and i'm sorry.Well I told him to bugger off and not contact me again,but that night he sent me a good nite text.I didn't answer him.Next morning he never sent me a good morning text like he always does so i thought he had given up and deceided to forget things, well about mid morning i get a text asking me if i was going to still come and help him set a a function he was having .i told him no i was not,then i get a text saying If ever you need me ,you know where i am.what i would like to know is this man still wanting this to continue or not?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Sure he wants it to continue, he's got the perfect situation. The wife, the home, the security, and then the naughty sex on the side behind her back. It really doesn't matter if he wants it to continue or not, you obviously do not want to continue being "the other woman" and rightfully so, you are wasting your time on this guy, when you could be having a life with someone else who would devote himself to you 100%. You did the right thing by telling him you wanted more, he was at least honest enough to tell you he couldn't do more. So I think it's best for the two of you to go your seperate ways and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): He has a 'take it or leave it' attitude. as far as your relationship he can literally take it or leave it.
you're the one who is more emotionally invested in this, he is not. he's accepted the idea of never seeing you again and is OK with it. maybe his being married has something to do with it. He's had 7 years to make a decision to leave his wife for you, and so far he has not found a good enough reason to. He may be getting closer to his wife, or he may be tired of leading the double life and the guilt so this affair isn't something that he's willing to put a lot of effort into anymore. but if YOU want to stick around then hey he's not going to pass up some extra fun.
basically if someone is telling you that it's OK with them if you leave, that means they are not emotionally invested in you. that should be a big sign that practically speaking you should leave because there's nothing here so what good is there sticking around?
by the way, don't be jealous of his wife. just because he is not leaving her doesn't mean he's a good husband or that they have a good marriage, obviously....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): You need to be the one that takes charge now! Leave his sorry ass! Life is great for him. He has a wife at home and someone to f- on the side. You have been wasting all these years when all along you could be with someone else worth while. Not a cheater.
I was in your position more than one time when I was in my twenties. NO MAN would ever leave their wife for me. I was in love with them blah blah blah... Nothing but a waste of time and emotions on these guys. They didn't love me, sex is all they wanted and an escape from their wives when there were problems. This made me feel sad, guilty & empty inside... I eventually found an awesome available guy that I love very much!
~~ and he's all mine too~~
*Karma * what comes around, goes around. Remember that. You can do better honey.
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A
female
reader, demeplev  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 You deserve more.
Stop accepting to be someones secret and side thing, hes gotten away with 2 for the price of one..are you on sale? NO NO YOUR NOT!
I pray you can slowly remove yourself emotionally from this toxic situation for yourself and learn to love yourself and learn that YOU deserve to be someones one and only that he would love to show you off to the world .
..ps if he left his wife wouldn't you always wonder if he did it to her....hmmmmm get yourself a faithful man who's emotionally available for you.
Good luck.
Peace and love.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Of course he wants it to continue, but he is not going to leave his wife and that was what he was trying to explain to you. If you are content with getting what he can give and settling for being second best, then you are in the right situation. If you don't like being second best, and want to be with someone who can commit to you, then you need to move on.
He has nothing to lose. He can have his cake and eat it to. You are the one who is on the losing end. You have to live your life around his family, his schedule, and his other whims. I know how it is because I was in an emotional affair. Even if I was having a nervous breakdown, it would have to "wait" if he had something more pressing or more important to do. It gets old after awhile and you begin to realize that getting into the situation was a mistake. Perhaps that is where you are at right now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Is that all you want, the crumbs from somebody else's table. Are a few texts throughout the day and a couple of sessions of jig-a-jig when he can get away from the missus sufficient to keep you happy?
BUT, and it is a big BUT, but if you were asking for more and he said no and that's when you told him to 'bugger off' what's changed? Nothing has changed, he will not give you more, and if he feels you are demanding too much, or wanting more than the texts and jig-a-jig then there is nothing to stop him finding somebody else to take your place.
Of course, as mentioned by others, there is still always the chance the wife will find out, and all the blame for this taudry little affair will fall on you, regardless if they stay together or not!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): I think the question you should be asking is, "Do I still want this? You say you love this man and you would like a full commitment from him, but he isn't willing to give you that.
Can you carry on knowing that you may always come second best to his wife?
Or would you prefer to break this off and find a single, genuine and honest guy that wants what want, and can commit 100% to you, and ONLY you?
If I'm honest,, I think he's a ticking time bomb. And what he's doing to his wife, he will only do to you or any other woman anyway if he was ever given the chance.
Marriage is a bigger commitment than just a straight forward "50/50" relationship, and he can't stay true to his marriage.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 I'm sure the answer is yes, he would love to carry on having an affair because he has gotten away with it for 7 years, so why would he want to stop now?
The only person who will ever be able to stop this is YOU - unless his wife finds out and threatens to leave him because of this, so he will drop you like a hot potato.
The real question is, do you want to carry on being this man's bit on the side? Or do you have more respect for yourself to have a real relationship based on trust and love, not lies and betrayal? He has made it very clear to you he cannot give you what you want, he is not going to leave his wife for you so why are you wasting your time with him?
As long as you are offering yourself up on a plate to him he will want to carry on, he has 2 women to sleep with so what man would give that up if he can get away with it? So it has to be you that is the strong person and puts an end to this mess otherwise you will waste more years on a man who goes home to another woman every night.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Hi,
The question you should ask yourself is, don't you think you deserve more? It has been 7 years of your life, he already told you that he cannot give you more than what it's now. I think you deserve more, someone that can be yours only, someone that you can be free, spend holidays together. Aren't tired of being second best? I know that you grew attached to him over the years, it's difficult, not easy to just end and let go, but I honestly believe that you should start thinking of yourself. Your life is what should matter.
Good luck/best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Yes I imagine he still wants you on the side because for 7 years he has had at least two women at his disposal. He will be by nature a very manipulative guy and knows he will be keeping himself at the forefront of your mind if he sends a text here and there.
You have wasted 7 years with this guy who can offer you no more than a hushed up relationship - if you can really call it that because while he has a ring on his finger he is going home to someone else. Stay strong and keep him out of your life! He was the one who took vows and has neglected them in the worst way possible. But even though you have broken no promises or trust, it takes a questionable person to maintain a relationship with a man that is taken and should you find yourself in that position one day where you are beig cheated on, I hope you regret your part in this relationship.
If you ever need strength to keep him out of your life, come and look at the questions on here that show the pain women and men go through when their partners cheat on them. That should be reason enough to steer well clear from now on.
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