A
female
age
41-50,
*sian tealeaf
writes:This is VERY painful to talk about. I am 39 and my husband is 26. We got pregnant immediately this year in may right after my last period in may. We were overjoyed ofc..I have 6 kids from 2 previous relationships that did not work out. but they were all healthy pregnancies that carried full term with no issues. Anyways, I was 15 weeks and found out my baby died within me. and september 1st i was hospitalized and induced. I did not have a D and C. My husband now suffers from severe insomnia as well as myself. I should note here we do long distance relationship living 14 hrs from one another because my kids are located in my location thus i am stuck here in my town. I am waiting for next year to go back and see my husband so we can try again. I am scared because the Dr has pressured me saying the time is ticking against me if I want to conceive because of my age bracket-40 next may! Does anyone here have any advice on this issue. Has anyone experienced successful conception at a late age? Also, I myself have been rept full of nightmares etc and I fear sleep because i cant get my mind off my lost child that I had spent so much money on buying things to prepare for. I am living back in a dump because all my hopes and dreams went down the toilet. I am hopeful, but scared. I dont know how to help my husband when i cant even help myself. Its been an emotional roller coaster. He is worried about me, and has said he cant lose me too. And he needs me to stay sane for him. (its hard!)I cannot afford fertility treatments of any kind. I was told by a friend to do a DIY artifical insemination with my husband when we see one another next year. but is this successful? I hear mixed reviews about it. Any advice? I need advice with medical evidence to back it up. Like things to help induce a healthier longer luteal phase, help with regular healthy ovulatio cycles etc. I just got my first period yesterday since my miscarriage. So this is good as long as my periods are regular..or close to it! I should be ok. I am aware of what proper cervical mucus should appear like when close to ovulation etc. But i need more advice on conception methods, etc. O am aware that stress doesnt help. And the more you want it, the less likely it is to happen. ( the body works in weird ways) and stressing over it doesnt help the outbound cause. I hope people here have advice. And how can i heal? when people just tell me it was only a 15 week old fetus. I saw my child face to face and held it in my hand. such perfect formation. everything was fine. pathology couldnt find anything wrong with fetus or me. The only thing they did say could be a factor was my age-39. I didnt spot, or bleed. I just had no idea my baby died in me til my visit at drs on the 31st of august. Thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 October 2016):
 I'm so sorry for your loss.
I suggest you go see your doctor and GYN. Get a FULL bloodwork, STD (yes that too) and whatever your doctor suggest, done.
I'd also suggest you start charting your ovulation. If you have a whole year before you can meet up, you will have good time to know when you are the most fertile and try and plan ahead.
As for anyone telling you it was "just" a fetus, well that doesn't help at all. 6 weeks or 15 doesn't matter. You LOST your baby and it's OK to grieve that. As long as that doesn't mean you neglect yourself and your 6 other kids.
Age DOES play a part in this, there is no denying it. Teens have a high rate of miscarriages and mature women have a high rate of miscarriages.
38-39-year-old women have a 22% miscarriage rate, at 40-41 it's 33% and the reason is... (most common at least) the quality of your eggs. As women get older the incidence of chromosomally abnormal eggs increases dramatically. This results in lower chances in getting pregnant at all, as well as increasing the risk of miscarriage.
Older eggs are significantly more likely to have abnormal spindles - and an abnormal spindle predisposes to development of chromosomally abnormal eggs.
The meiotic spindle is a critical component of eggs that is involved in organizing the chromosome pairs so that proper division of pairs can occur as the egg is developing
http://www.advancedfertility.com/
There are no guarantees in life. You two might or might not be able to conceive another child. Your best bet is talking to your doctor and perhaps a fertility specialist.
Also, I'd look into finding a support group (perhaps online) for women who have miscarried or lost a child like you.
I'm sorry I have no way to fix this. You are however blessed with 6 kids, who ALL need their mother, so DO take care of yourself. As for your partner, Suggest he finds someone to talk to this about as well.
Chin up and my heartfelt condolences to you both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): The best advice you can get comes from your personal physician. He or she knows your medical history, general health, and has access to all your medical records. When it comes to your health, anecdotal evidence from others isn't enough. Wealthy women these days are risking pregnancy in their late forties and early fifties. They are able to afford the best prenatal care money can buy; or get a surrogate as an option to risking their own health, or that of the fetus.
From your description, you and your husband don't seem to have the emotional-strength to bear another miscarriage.
If you're planning to do it again and your doctor advises against it; that should be what you base any further risk on.
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