A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I made a Tinder thinking I would find a serious relationship with a guy and had no idea that it was primarily for hook ups. I met a guy and we went on a few dates together. By the 2nd date, he was already trying to get me to come over his place to watch a movie. We ended up doing an outdoor activity instead. By the 3rd date, he was exhibiting signs that he just wanted sex. Realizing that I would not really want to marry a police office anyway (crazy work hours), I decided, "Eh, whatever. I guess he doesn't want to get to know me, so I'll just bang him."I regret it now because I feel now that it was a stupid reason to not put my foot down and say "Hey, you know what, I actually want a relationship, not a hookup." I feel bad. I wanted to ask: If a man doesn't even TRY to get to know a girl he's never spent enough time with, does it mean he doesn't a relationship in the first place or because he doesn't like the girl? I keep blaming myself for having a Tinder in the first place, making this guy think that all I wanted was a hookup. I should have told him, "No hookups!" But it's too late. How can I feel better about losing out on having a relationship develop if only I just kept my legs shut? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2016): When you were a teenager, the guys who pushed for sex right away were only after sex.
When you are 30yo virtually all the guys will push for sex right away. The former "nice guys" spent their younger years seeing girls banging all the pushy guys instead of them. Eventually they learned.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 October 2016):
 In a word, yes.
It's very, very unlikely you're going to find a relationship on tinder.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2016): Honeypie you have said exactly what I had in mind but in much more elegant details as usual with all your comments. It is an animal instinct in some men to put a claim on the woman to make her his,and it is a sign that he wants a more permanent relationship with her.The man could also be a player who wants to add a notch to his bed post.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 October 2016):
 Tindr is known for being a hookup app more than a dating app. Same with Grindr, Adultfriendfinder, and PoF - doesn't MEAN though that everyone is just there looking to swipe right and bang that person.
I think a guy who "pushes" for sex on the second date is looking to hook up, possibly looking for an "FWB" or mistress. But you will also find guys who are of the opinion that it's best to get sex "out of the way" - basically take a "test drive" to see if you are compatible in the bedroom before becoming an item. And of course, you have the ones who are just wanting to move FAST and snag the woman ASAP, by any means (usually sex) because they know many women get emotionally attached after sex.
So there is no way of knowing what category he was in.
Delete the Tindr. I think chances of meeting someone who ACTUALLY wants a relationship is WAY lower on Tindr than on reputable dating sites.
And stop beating yourself up. YOU made a choice to "bang" him even if you had already decided he might not be a good match for you. So what? It's not like you did anything criminal, you just chose to have sex with a man you KNEW you didn't want anything serious with.
So learn from that. YOU are not a "casual sex kinda gal". Now you know. So next time, SPEAK up. Keep the dates out in public, no sexting, no nudes, and NO hookups if that is NOT what you want.
I don't think you HAVE to be all prim and keep your legs shut in order to find a good match. You just have to find YOUR standard and allow yourself to BE a little picky and least of all.... TAKE your time.
Sometimes we make mistakes in life, when we learn from it - good, when we don't... well, then we are bound to repeat them. Remember that.
Chin up. You will do better next time!
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