A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for any help offered. People are busy so it is appreciated.I have a friend who I have been or now had been friends with for several years.She has been through a bad time of late having lost custody of her daughter due to mental health issues and her drinking. Many times she has called me when she has been drinking...in all fairness I never said much about it. Last weekend she sent a racist text. I texted her back and said that we are all Canadians ect. I mentioned the Trump rally and how most of the people were white. For some reason she took this as a personal affront and really laid into me. Her criticism were not entirely unfair but her method of communication was truly vitriolic. What I should have done was exit the conversation immediately but there was some pretty awful back and forth from both of us.I mentioned her drinking. She told me to f off and said it was too bad my mom was dead as she should have told me to shut up.I signed off at this point. She kept sending me texts but I did not respond. It think this angered her and she kept texting angry stuff.I am a teacher, busy and no time for drama. She is a landlord and seems to love dragging her tenants to court..that type.Foolishly I deleted the text exchange that infuriated her. I got another one Saturday that I did not read...just deleted.I just got one now telling me she had reported this business to the school board I work with. I dont know if she did or not but my thoughts are that she is concerned I may report her drinking to Childrens Aid which may hamper her custody battle for her daughter.I would not do that. I know others have and I know she is in a tough place but I am almost tempted to report now.I made an error in this friendship. This is textbook narcissistic behaviour.I think she wants a battle...too busy with my family and career. She has not worked in months...she is a nurse but cant hold a job.I am worried she will turn some of our mutual friends and family members against me.Should I respond to her texts?Should I keep her texts?Should I contact police or union?Does anyone else have experience with anyone with narcissistic rage?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2021): Save the threatening angry messages. Do not respond to them. Consult an attorney, and determine if a defamation suit is feasible. If she starts publicly broadcasting lies about you, or tries to get you fired; then take the necessary legal recourse. If it's a fight she's begging for, see her in court.
If you haven't heard from the schoolboard, she's bluffing. She is going to make threats to force you to respond and exchange angry messages; in the event you do decide to take some sort of legal measure. It will look like you're just as guilty of bad-behavior as she is. If she's still a belligerent narcissistic drunk; she doesn't deserve to have custody of her child. Only supervised visits. Drunks and addicts never accept any blame.
Her erratic behavior and intoxication will speak for itself. Everything she does is self-incrimination, and she's just using you as a scapegoat. If she does call the schoolboard, she has a serious credibility problem. The child's father will have no problem providing evidence against her. If she's getting reported, it could be him or relatives. Why would she accuse you? It's all on record!
Tit-for-tat is cruel. Retaliation in response is juvenile. You wouldn't need to report offenses if you cut all ties. There is no longer a friendship, you've become an adversary...another enemy!
You have the option to disassociate, rather than continue dealing with the drama. You're afraid of her. Fear is a means of manipulation through intimidation. If you're scared of her, she will hold you as a psychological-hostage; until you're as psychotic and paranoid as she is.
Holding-on to a toxic-friendship, while complaining about it, makes no sense. There is no advice we can offer that will turn her into a sweet and sober individual, or a better friend. That's all on her. Seems pretty certain to me, she's gunning for you.
You're an educator, mature, and reasonably experienced in life. I don't think you need online strangers to tell you that you need to break-free of this toxic-relationship, before it does cost you your job! The longer you tarry, the more damage she can do.
Racism is a disease of the mind and soul. Bigoted-people enjoy being challenged and confronted. It gives them a chance to spew their ugly rhetoric and to act-out. It's best to disassociate with that kind of person, and stay out of their way. You can't talk them out of being racially-prejudiced, you can only pray for them. God is trying to tell you through divine intervention that it is time to let her go. He is showing you the darkness within her. Staying in the company of people with darkness in their spirit will rub-off on you!
Let her go!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 January 2021):
 Well, she made false accusations that was easy to dismiss. Saying you were running around town when you were definitely teaching was a BAD move on her part.
But it makes life easier for you. It shouldn't be hard for the school board to dismiss her crap.
I would definitely BLOCK her dumbass and NEVER waste another moment on someone like her. What a cow.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (14 January 2021):
 Since she has already reported you to the school board, then I think your response it totally appropriate.At this point you could leave allow her the opportunity to leave a few more nasty, abusive messages, but you probably don't need to.Whenever you're ready block and delete her. No announcements.And consider this friend OVER. Permanently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2021): I am the poster of the question. She did report me to the school board but she said I was seen driving around my town during school hours. She live 50k away and I have not seen her in months but she dislikes my profession and during lockdown teachers have been criticized for this. I am one of the few teachers in the building teaching. I teach high needs and they are in school. I was able to resolve this but would not be surprised if she tries again so have alerted the union and sent proof of her initial threatening text and a Twitter post of one of her former tenants showing her being violent to the tenants cat.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (13 January 2021):
 I think that the worst mistake you made was engaging with her in these debates, giving her ammunition to use against you.
She sounds like a nasty bit of work, i'm surprised you were friends with her to begin with. Its hardly surprising she lost custody of her daughter.
I fail to see that her going to the school board with your debates with carry any weight, or indeed be taken seriously. That's if she even did this at all, most people such as this are just full of hot air, and nasty threats.
I would not even bother going down the road of tit for tat, if you did you will be playing right in to her hands.
She is not someone you want, or need in your life, she sounds like a harassing dangerous individual.
Block her and move on would be your best bet.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 January 2021):
Check with your phone company, you might be able to retrieve deleted texts from the cloud.
Secondly?
In the future don't delete texts, JUST block her.
Should you nip it in the bud and talk to your teacher's union? Over some texts between two friend arguing politics? I don't know. Seems extreme. But so does she.
Maybe it's better to try and not escalate things so if you think she might ACTUALLY have reported you, I'd talk to your teachers union rep and see what you need to do.
And in the future don't be goaded into joining in, you write "What I should have done was exit the conversation immediately", so you know what to do, next time DO it.
If you know someone is a bit unhinged, don't get into debates because it's pointless.
She doesn't sound like a FRIEND. And I do think I would report her drinking if she "reports you". Yes, that is petty, but do you REALLY think she needs to be raising a child? There is a reason her child got removed. Living with her can HARDLY be in the best interest of a child.
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