A
female
age
36-40,
*ella666
writes: Hey guys n gals I need your views, please!!! I'm currently 5 months pregnant and overheard my boyfriend and his mates talking the other night to find out that they are all off to Amsterdam in November when i'll be 7 months pregnant! My boyfriend of 4 years just sprang this on me today that it's actually booked and that they are definately going. I trust him loads but the fact he didn't even consider me in all this is making me feel so depressed. He's saying that he'd like to do everything he can now so he can support me and be there for me 100% when the baby is born (the baby wasn't planned) but I need him there for me now because i'm still coming to terms with it myself. I know I can't stop him but I've been to Amsterdam and know what it's like out there. I'm not so much worried that he'll go off with protitutes because I trust him but I'm worried about him going to watch the sex shows and peep shows which I know he's bound to do out there especially with his mates who've never been before and they'll want to try it all (they're all single apart from one but his girlfriend is going). I'm wondering whether he made sure I couldn't go because I find it strange how we were meant to be going with work next year but our baby is due 3 weeks before they go so we can't go but he knew how much I wanted to go but has gone and arranged it before our baby is due so he knows I obviously can't go because they'll be sitting in smoking cafes and coffee shops. I've always been the one to arrange our holidays and mentioned about going this year but thought we need to save for a house and baby instead. He'll be wasting money on smoke and sex shows while i'll be stuck at home sick with worry with what they're up to out there. He thinks i'm just being selfish because I can't go. What do you think? Am I over reacting? Please could I get some advice from you smart cupids??? xx
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female
reader, JustAskJen +, writes (28 September 2007):
 something similar happened to me. my fella went to prague when i was 8 months pregnant. i called him every night just to make sure he was ok and enjoying himself. i was feeling depressed. i thought that he prefered to be there instead of with me and i explained that to him, it took a while but he realised what i was trying to say, i knew he loved me, but then i realised that he needed this time away to enjoy the single life once more without the worries of a newborn child. he didnt cheat on me and i trusted him 100%. we compromised, he went to prague for a week so i went to blackpool for a week with my friends and enjoyed my time before the baby. you both need that time to get it out of your system before the baby comes along. i dont think that either of you are being selfish, you just need to know how to compromise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): tell him to grow up he has a baby on the way ! and that should be the most important thing in his life not a stupid trip .....
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A
female
reader, kindone  +, writes (20 September 2007):
 don't trust him men do stupid things when there together. and he should waste his money he could make sure you have enough diapers and things for that baby. and also even if he smokes and drinks it makes you do things he wouldn't normaly do. more so if he's with his guys and they'd con him into it cause thats what guys do. and you could make him take you smoke will not harm the baby trust me my kids are fine and i actualy smoked it so either you go with him or he can't go. and if he says no then you know you can't trust him. good luck with your baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I think he is the one being selfish. I mean you are pregnant now and I think that changes a lot of things. I don't know how your relationship was before this. I mean is it like him to make plans to go away for weekends without inviting you? Or is this something new??In any case you are pregnant now and it is selfish of him to make plans when you clearly can't go and would have liked to. I don't think that is nice. I mean you guys are in this together and he should be with you every step of the way. And you guys are a couple with a baby on the way, you guys should be making decisions together too. He is definitely being selfish and inconsiderate. That's too bad. What do you do from here? I don't know. I mean has he always been this way? Because if he has, then I guess that is something that you have accepted in the past so he is not going to change. So just relax. I mean you know how he is. But If this behavior is new to you then that would be of concern. It's too bad you had to realise now that you are pregnant that he is kind of selfish and inconsiderate. But I suspect that you know how he is and you know him to be this way. So I would just relax if I were you. I mean I guess you knew what you were getting yourself into. You can't change people. Pregnant or not, people don't change. That is why we have to be wise and choosy about who we date and have babies with.
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