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Do you think karma will ever catch up on my husband's ex wife for the way that she's treating her children?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 April 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello Aunts!

I just need a view point here - does karma exist? I am beginning to think it doesn’t. Here is why:

My husband, a truly wonderful man and father was with his ex for over a decade. He took her son on as his own and they had 2 more children. She then left him for another man and 2 years later he met me. We now have a wonderful home and beautiful daughter. His children are now 10 and 15.

Since all this has happened, his ex has really manipulated everything. She threw her eldest out when he was 13 (I will call him John) they haven’t spoken in 5 years and my parents in law raised him. She then tried to kick her other son out (luke) but John stuck up for him and she lied to the police and said John had hit her. This didn’t get through court tho - John didn’t hit her, she smacked herself.

She didn’t allow the children to our wedding, but we included them anyway.

She has put her hand through a glass door and then told the police it was another family member.

She lied to the police before our wedding day to get my husband arrested, but this was dropped as my step son said it was all lies.

She has told everyone in the community that my parents in law ‘stole’ her eldest.

Every time she is vile to Luke, she just buys him expensive gifts to apologise.

She has been on/off with her current partner for years now, she only returns when he buys her and the kids holidays. He is now buying her a house. This man is lovely, but when she chicks him out, we have to deal with heartbroken children every time.

She and my husband previously went bankrupt because of all the credit card spending (I know my husband was soft to allow this, but it was over 10 years ago now).

She constantly uses the kids as weapons - we have taken her to court for access however and we now see them all the time.

My step daughter is the loveliest little girl, however due to all the lies her mum feeds her, she believes everything. That her grandparents stole her brother, that when Mum kicked out Luke, Mum was doing it to protect her, that John, my husband, ALL her family (inc me) wished her daughter harm. She had such a lovely bond with her new sister and I know Mum can’t take that, but I regularly get from a 10 year old ‘if I don’t see my sister, will you make sure she will love me’. Heartbreaking.

She speaks to my husband like rubbish. Never has a nice word to say to him. My husband is now used to it and only fights necessary battles.

My step children and I have a wonderful relationship, I have never bad mouthed their mum, and always wanted honesty about the way they are feeling. They love their mum, course they do, but when my step daughter comes to our with her brand new iphones, push up bra, dresses that only an adult should wear, we tell her no. We then get blamed from Mum stating ‘it’s fashion’. We want to protect her, not get sleazy men looking at a 10 year old in a sexualised manner.

There are so many other stories around this woman.

We have involved school, social services, anyone that could help, but Mum always gets away with everything by just lying. Court would not give us full custody because Mum fed, watered and clothed the kids and sent them to school.

I just want to know if any of this will bite her back one day and if there is anything further we can do to protect our family.

Thank you and sorry for the rant!

View related questions: bankrupt, heartbroken, his ex, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018):

Your too engulfed in this woman's life and sit in the wings waiting for sweet revenge,, rightly or wrongly?

Get on with your own life, if you truly fear that the children are in danger then phone the police, or has the Father already done this?

Children should never be used as tools, trying to score brownie points with children is just the same game playing,it's just disguised better, and been over protective is deliberately trying to create a picture that the mother does not protect her own children, as well as you do.

You have cast your opinions of her bad mothering to a lot of official bodies and IT NEVER WORKED, she keeps getting away with it ( do you do this often, try and stir trouble?)

Their previous bankruptcy is their history, the new boyfriend gifting a house to her, is their business.

Please get on with your own life. Or get REAL evidence that the children are in danger and she won't get away with it anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018):

Thank you for all your advice.

I don’t wish harm on this woman, I am just sick of the fact she gets away with everything. I have had almost 10 years of this and I am now tired of it all. I love my family to pieces and have always been a positive influence (well tried!).

Thank you again.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntDon't worry about her - and her "punishment".

BE the mother/step-mother that these kids NEED and that YOU want to be.

Be the mother/step-mother that is a POSITIVE influence on these kids - ALL the kids.

It will give THEM (the kids) strength and wisdom as they grow older, as they understand more and more of what REALLY went on in the past.

I have niece - my BIL's oldest daughter who is a (how do I put this sort of nicely?) piece of work. She is ABSOLUTELY self-centered. EVERYTHING is about her and her needs first. NEVER that of her kids. I'm not going into details, but a GOOD dose of Karma is well deserved!

Her kids (now 10 & 11) DO know that she is messed up, they DO know that she IS a bad mother, that she is full of empty promises, full of lies and that she doesn't GIVE a flying fart about the kids. THEY know.

What we ALL hope is that they themselves will NOT "follow" in her footsteps and be crappy people themselves.

I think the MORE positive people you ADD to children's lives the better. It doesn't totally negate the "bad people" in their lives but it shows them POSSIBILITIES and OPTIONS.

While your step-daughter still believe her mom, there will come a time where she will see through the fakeness, the lies and form her OWN opinions. She is only 10, but kids are smart.

Maybe Karma will roll over her like a doubledecker bus and maybe it will not. However, DO consider that this woman HAS to live with herself and her lies. And while she might be delusional and full of shit - SHE has to live with herself EVERY day. And when the kids gets older and see her for who she is... She will discover how her actions will damage the relationship with her kids. They might wipe their hands of her.

Don't drink poison in hopes that it will HURT her. It won't. Instead BE that POSITIVE force in the kids' lives that will ALWAYS be remembered and treasured.

The kids should come first.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2018):

Yes. Karma - It comes.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (6 April 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntIf you can prove that she harms the children, then maybe the police is an option, but until then, the only thing you can do is make sure the kids know that they are safe and loved in your home. The rest will take care of itself. Whether that happens according to karma or not really shouldn't matter to you because if karma does happen to her, it might also be bad for the children. You just focus on the kids.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (6 April 2018):

Stop wishing misfortune on others. That is spiteful and unkind; and your job is to teach the kids to have good values and be forgiving. The rest is up to their father. You portray him as a weakling in all this.

Like it or not, she gave birth to those children. Children usually survive the bitterness and turmoil of divorce.

You can and should only be a positive-influence on the children when they're in your home. Let your husband and his kids deal with her.

You have to stand-by, grit your teeth, and hold your tongue. Children are not stupid. As they get older, they will form their own opinions and choose who they'd rather live with. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" Which is the case for all her mayhem and lying. She's a bitter and angry woman and all things catch up with us sooner or lady. You don't go around wishing bad things to happen to people; because you sit-back in self-righteous disapproval. Let God handle that! It's not your call!

Your belief in karma is neither here nor there. She is methodically and most assuredly turning her children against herself. It's the worst thing you can ever do as a mother. You have to show sympathy and pray she finds redemption and changes as a person. Not sit waiting and hoping to watch her go down in flames.

Do yourself a favor. Step-back from all of this. Let your home be a haven for the children and not worry about your husbands ex-wife. Let him bear that burden. The kids will adjust and handle it as time ages and matures them.

If you see signs of emotional-stress; get them into counseling.

They are old enough to speak-up for themselves if they are abused. If child-protection authorities see evidence of foul-play; then they will be removed from her care.

Apparently you can't provide supportive-evidence to prove she is hurting the children; or the children will not corroborate all the horrible treatment you claim they're receiving. Most authorities listen to the children first; and will investigate to determine what's happening to them.

Until the children claim they are abused; they will remain in her custody, and your hopes their mother goes to hell is something you should deal with.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2018):

Karma is like God- it works in mysterious ways... if it all. (sorry, non Christian writing here). We all hope that the bad people in the world get what they deserve, but the truth is, it never seems to happen. Those that stamp and shout the loudest get their own way first.

I can't advise on any legal stuff, but do continue to not stoop to her level. By not using the children in the same way as her, by not lieing as she does, by being decent people, the children should hopefully (and probably already do) see that you're the good guys.

One day in the future, the children might acknowledge how good you've been to them and that's karma enough.

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