A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend wants to go to a bar Friday night with some of his buddies. His friends have a band and are performing that night. My friends are all like "your letting him go by himself?" I'd never let my man do that!" He's never given me a reason not to trust him but I don't know how he would react if scanky drunk girls started grinding with him. Do you think it's a bad idea for a girl to let her man go to a bar without her.
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 198419were  +, writes (16 April 2009):
Are you worried about him having fun without you?
Do you not trust him?
I can't think of any reason why you should worry about him going out to a bar with his mates. It's totally normal, and good for your relationship to spend time apart.
Remember that when he sees the drunk girls possibly making moves on him he'll probably think of you and remember what he's missing and look forward to seeing you next!
A
female
reader, b.rye +, writes (16 April 2009):
 Everyone needs a little space. Let him go out with his friends - he's a big boy and can handle it just fine, I'm sure. If he makes a goof while he's out then he's the one who will have to suffer the consequences. Perhaps that would be a good night for you to get together and have a martini or two with your girlfriends! Seriously, though, if you make an ado about him going to a bar to hear his friend's band, he will get annoyed really fast. Trust me. Nothing is more irritating than having someone hovering over your every move because they don't think you can control yourself enough to abide by your commitments.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): If any man ever decided not to ´let´ me go out with my friends I would be so furious a) at his lack of trust and b)at the assumption that he is in control of what I do, that I probably wouldn´t stay in a relationship with him. And I treat people the way that I like to be treated.
...............................
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2009):
 it depends on the kind of person he is and your past history together. i let my husband go to the bar without me and i go out sometimes without him. He isnt a big drinker and neither am i, and we both know where our home is. you cant keep a person caged, if you didnt "let" him go to the bar, he might well resent you for it and go anyway and it might be a start to a downward spiral.You have to have trust in your relationship. He has to have some space on his own to realise what he's comming home to. If another girl said she was jumping of a cliff, you wouldnt jump off a cliff so just because your friends dont let their men out doesnt me you shouldnt - you give your man some time for himself to do things like that and you will probably have a stronger relationship for it. You keep him caged and you wont. What if you wanted to go out with the girls? How would you feel if he said you couldnt? You just cant do that to a person!Let him have his fun! Never stop trusting him until he gives you a reason to, he is with you for a reason. Awesome.
...............................
A
female
reader, mts9290 +, writes (16 April 2009):
I am kind of on the fence about this. Personally, I would not let my boyfriend. BUT, that is only because he has broken my trust more than once. We had a big talk and he now knows that the next time he lies to me or break my trust will be the absolute last time.
At the same time, if I ever walked into the bar he was at and saw him talking to or grinding with a drunk girl, I would be super jealous-no matter what the circumstance.
At the same time, I think that if he has not done anything to break your trust, then you should completely trust him. Maybe remind him of that. The fact that you completely trust him and would be really hurt if he ever broke that trust.
Hope this helps :) Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): I think it's okay if it is to see a specific band, or to have a drink or two with a friend (say watching a game) or a once and a while type of thing.
It becomes a problem if the bar becomes too important. I think the trust you give is huge and it will only add to your relationship.
The reality is if the trust and love are there (and a healthy strong relationship) no skank will be able to bring that down. Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): ok i started by highlighting some points that you made----
"I'd never let my man do that!"
Ok, ask your girls is he a man or your dog? Because in a relationship you don't LET people do things thats why the divorce rate is over 70%... we don't own people we own and controll animals.
He's never given me a reason not to trust him but I don't know how he would react if scanky drunk girls started grinding with him.
ok, He's NEVER given you a reason no to trust him! So what makes you think he would give up someone like you (who seems to me a very sweet endearing young women with a whole lotta commen sense) for a nasty liqured up bar ho?
Will he be hit on? Maybe.
Have you been hit on? Maybe
My point is that maybe and maybe does not make a certainty. It makes a maybe!
Trust is very important in a relationship!!!! He has done nothing for you to feel insecure about. If you try to controll him or basiclly accuse him of grinding with some ho before its even happened, what does that say to you?
You might get hit by a bus on the way to work but im still going to go to work.
****my point is you cannot stop living because your afraid! and you cant make him stop living because your afraid, why not sit down and talk to the man, tell him what ya think and feel and let it go from there... ****
...............................
A
female
reader, xcrazygirl08x +, writes (16 April 2009):
NO- a relationship is nothing without trust. If you didn't consider the possibility before your friends told you, then you trust him. Put it this way, if he goes, as fun and comes back without doing anything, it's great. If he does, then HE'S NOT WORTH IT. Trust him, let him have fun and have fun too.If you can't trust him, it isn't a real relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (16 April 2009):
 YES. When me and my husband were dating, and his friends, males and a female, tried to get him to go with them, he refused. He said, "I am not going without ( my name)." He is good - looking, he knows it, and he has had different women hit on him before.
Now if you make this decision to go with him, you might look like the stereotypical woman who won't let her man go out with his buddies, but better safe than sorry!
...............................
|
