A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a lil over a month ago we have hung out eight times overnight at his house. He is a very busy guy with work mon thru fri and is training for mma fighter. He has a set routine all week and on the weekends is when he sees his friends and family. He hasn't had a relationship since january. He calls me about twice a week and we maybe see each other once or twice a week. I have asked him if he is seeing anyone else and he said no. I have asked him why such a great guy, why don't you have a girlfriend he said because he was really busy and didn't have time but now he has time. Whenever I go over to his house we just cuddle for the most part. We hold hands and he kisses me on the cheek. We have had sex before but not every time I am there. I have asked him if he likes me and he said yup. I have met his sister and her boyfriend also.... he said according to my sister we have been dating... and he said to his sister on the phone that she could come over and meet the girl that I have been talking to. My question is do you think that he is just taking things slow because we don't talk or see each other much. Maybe he needs his space and he is still busy with work and training. Or maybe he was hurt in a past relationship...he does seem really shy too. But does it sound like he could be seeing someone else?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): You have only been talking to him, or dating him for a little over a month.
I wouldn't say that he views you as his girlfriend yet, and you are in a terrible hurry to put all your energy into this one man when he clearly has a lot of other irons in the fire.
I think you are going to start acting clingy and expecting things from him.
Instead you should be challenging him some by not always being available every time HE wants to see you. Show him that you have a life and interests too and are not going to put the responsibility on him to keep you 100% happy.
If he hasn't asked you to be exclusive then don't stop dating other guys. Men like what they have to work for. Just look at how hard he works at becoming a fighter. Why should his girlfriend or potential girlfriend be any different. Value yourself, focus on yourself and your life, not on what he is doing or who he might be seeing, you do not have any sort of commitment from him what so ever, so take care of yourself by focusing on YOU.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 October 2009):
Eh...he could be, but I doubt he's seeing someone else. If someone has been hurt in the past AND they have a lot going on, they may not be ready to get too involved. He probably does "like" you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's ready for a relationship with you.
I've kind of been seeing a guy like this myself AND it's long distance, so even though I really do like him, we just don't talk too much, I have things going on here, he has two jobs there, and we both have other things to focus on. So, sometimes it may take things a while to develop into a relationship or it may never. Just don't be too quick to put your eggs into one basket.
You're single and not obligated to him unless you two are exclusive. I know you like him and don't want to see other people, but it's usually the best thing to do. Or, you can gather your courage and just tell him that you like him and have a real interest in him, but you're wondering if you should keep your options open. You're not going to know until you find out...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2009):
I would say that he's made certain commitments in his life and is sticking to them religiously. If he's training to be a fighter, and spending all that time working, then I would suggest that he's not cheating, but that he is totally fixed on his dream of being a figher, and nothing is going to stop him. This means that at the moment, you're going to have to put up with this kind of relationship, because the chances are he won't suddenly change. So you now need to ask yourself a question, and that is can you put up with this kind of relationship, where you're not the priority?
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