A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I don't know, I'm just confused... the guy i like has a girlfriend - that doesn't bother me because he goes through a lot of girls really quickly... I like him even though I should not because the relationship would only be a disaster. I tend to ignore the bad things his only brother and cousin say about him and see what I wanna see... They have told me he hits girls and become very possessive, he even play hits me a few times but I always hit him back.. Saturday night I made the mistake of going out with his family, his little brother invited me to go so I went. We hung out and I felt a little bad seeing him all over his girlfriend even though I'm pretty sure the relationship would not last. I know he talks about me when I'm not around and that bugs me because I'm pretty sure they all do {his brother, his cousin} and that bugs me, I haven't done anything with them for I am a virgin... but i did kiss him last year because he took me to the prom. I know i shouldnt hang out with them any of them because I'm scared of getting a repuatation or being labelled a certain way... but I really like to be around him even tho he has another girl. How do I get over this feeling???
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2009):
You'll be labelled as a girl who likes bad boys, and then you'll attract only bad boys. This is quite common (unfortunately). What often happens, is a woman (or a man, it can work both ways here) who goes out with someone who abuses them, becomes an easy target for other abusers. That's why you often hear about women who complain they only attract losers, or guys who abuse them. It's because they unintentially come across as easy people to control. What I worry about here is that you will go out with him, better guys will think that you're only interested in bad boys who will hurt you so will avoid you, and then other, much worse guys will look at you and think you're an easy target for abuse. I think you're better than that, and I hope you do too. You don't need to be a victim of domestic abuse, or become another statistic. He's not a goood guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat exactly do u think i wud get labeled as caring guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): First off: you dont know for sure how his relationship with this girl is, if they will last or not. But if they do end it, just go for it.
Why not just date him next chance you get? I think it's good you don't listen to all the bast things people say about him. Unless he's done those bad things to you, you don't know if it's true, and you certainly don't know if he will be like that with you.
So take the chance when you get it next time around, but change who you are because of him or what people say/will judge you as. If you wish to remain a virgin and not do anything with him, make that clear to him when you date. He has to be able to accept you for who you are, just as you must accept him for who he is. But at this point you've not dated him so you don't know how he will be towards you. And there is only one way to find out.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
By focusing on every bad thing that you've listed, and by avoiding him at all costs. There are so many warning signs here. He hits women (even playful hitting can be a serious warning), he goes through a lot of girls, he's possessive and even his own brother and cousing have warned you about him. Not only will you be labelled, but you will end up seriously hurt. I'm not sure what the statistics are in America, but here in Britain, 2 women a week die at the hands on violent partners. And to top it off, he has a girlfriend. The real question is why do you fancy someone who is so clearly bad in the first place? Are you in need of some excitement in your life? Or have you been hurt in the past or let down, and now only think you deserve this kind of guy? Are you underconfident? There are some things you need to think about in your own life, and once you've identified them, you'll start to lose these feelings because you'll see yoou can do better. All I can say, is even if it turns out he does fancy you, for your own safety, don't go out with him at all.
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