A
female
age
41-50,
*iset
writes:My husband and I like to do 3somes sometimes. It's his fantasy.. to have a 3some. I am not a lesbian but I like to try have 3some and want to know what it's like. I just want to make my husband happy cuz he tells me he never had any chance to do 3some with his ex wife or his ex girlfriend before and I believe with what he said. We do 3some quite many times since before and after we get married but I just realise that he seems like he's taking advantage on me. He just like wants more and more and never gets enough but before we married I ask him if I give him a 3some, will he still fuck around? He said no! He said, why should he do that since he has me, a wonderful sexy and pretty wife and can give him his fantasy? but he did it with someone else! 3some, and fuck another girl, even bring the girl to the house since I'm not at home. I can say that is because I catch him every time he does that thing..! it really hurt me and when he asks me for 3some, I just say no. I don't want to do it any more.. and he said, but I am bi! He just don't understand me and how I feel. Every time when we do 3some with the girl, she becomes his secret lover, date him, email him, calling him every day..! I really sick off it! so, my question is..; do you guys think, he still loves me? and am I still important for him? We seldom have sex. Even we haven't got any kids yet and I'm younger than him 15 years but I don't feel like having an affair with another guy cuz I know it's wrong.. I don't know if I'm really important person for him.. help.........
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affair, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, lesbian, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Oh good hunny, Hope it helps XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, siset +, writes (4 February 2009):
siset is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear mandy,
thanks. it is work now. cheers!
XXX
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (31 January 2009):
hunny Ive managed to open it, I'll send it again I jusr clicked and it came up.....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/page/page.cfm/tips
hope this works for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, siset +, writes (30 January 2009):
siset is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear
pepper27, thank you soo much1 i appreciate that. i have problem to open the link. don't know why. can't open it. thanks
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A
female
reader, siset +, writes (30 January 2009):
siset is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear
pepper27, thank you soo much1 i appreciate that. i have problem to open the link. don't know why. can't open it. thanks
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (30 January 2009):
Hi Hunny
This to me now seems one sided, Meaning that your husband does just what he wants in this marriage and you are not listened to taken any notice of or even considered as having a voice or feelings..You are not weak, Do not ever thing that about yourself. You were happy once and things got out of control.
Sweetheart if you are so very unhappy is there a chance you could start again, As you said he wont speak with you unless it is to raise his voice..Plus with what you have to see and except in your married life, This is going to get you more and more down as time goes on....I'll send you a self esteem link that I hope will help you get stronger and then hopefully once you feel stronger in yourself you will be able to make a better decision sweetheart.....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
I do hope this helps hun, If you need to talk message me any time WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, siset +, writes (30 January 2009):
siset is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you soo... much for the replied. my husband don't want a jealousy love. even if i saw him in the bed having a sex with another woman, he don't want me to get angry/ mad! how can he say that to me? sometimes i don't know.. whether i should leave, or stay! i married him coz i thought hes the right guy for me. we just know for one year before we get married. and before we get married, i did live in with him for 8month. and afterthat we get married. at that time, we were soo happy. seems like lucky to each other. and make me trust him and no more looking for another men to have a fun with. but one month after we get married, everything was change! i feel like a fool! i feel like want to run away from him! i feel that i'm a loser! i get cheat by a men the one i do really loves! the firsat time i get cheat by a men the one i thought he was diffrent from another! god! i felt sick! and i'm a weak! is not enuf only with a nice talk! when i try to talk like an adult with him, he rise his voice! and if i can't handle it anymore, we start fight like a child! were only two years married! and should be happy together! but is just like nightmare for me.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (29 January 2009):
Hi Hunny
Sweetheart this is your husband you are his wife, You went into marriage knowing what he was capable of this is the problem.. He is screwing around and has done before you got married so to him its normal as you seemed ok with the threesome, He must have thought he was the luckiest guy around it seems to me like your love for him has blinded you to a lot as there is only so much Id do for my partner and sharing him would be a most defiantly NO! If a partner of mine asked if he could do this then I'm afraid Id say yes but he would have to go and find two women and a different place to live!!
Unless you are both happy with a situation like this as in, Talked about the actual consequences of what harm this can do to a relationship and come to an agreement of what is acceptable and what is not.. That unless as a couple you are comfortable with this and certain rules are in place then something is going to go wrong for sure..
Sweetheart you are not happy and that's a understatement, And I don't think you have been during all of this...Don't ever do something you are not happy about to please someone else... (defiantly in the sex department) If it really isn't what you want. You should be able to talk to your partner. There are two people in a relationship, You count to sweetheart!!! Your feelings are also important, What makes you happy counts also.
He is taking advantage and has no respect if he does love you he has a funny way of showing it and If I were you Id be seriously thinking of if I wanted to be with this person any more.. You wanted to make him happy I understand why you did it, As he has said his ex wife and ex girlfriend would not do this, Its like he is telling you, "They didn't love me enough but if you do this then I'll no you really love me". And you really love him and did not want to loose him like they had. You would and have done anything to make him happy until you realised how very unhappy this made you.
This is your husband if he wants to keep you then Id say to him "Look I no I agreed to this, but this has gone to far its out of control (Its been out of control along time!) I'm not happy can we talk about it" That is if you want this marriage to work love, Give him a chance if you still want this, See if he is willing to show you he loves you, You will only really no the truth by telling him how you now feel, But from what you have said he is so used to this way of life, This is hard to say but I don't think he will change over night or if at all ...Having an affair wouldn't be great idea,(Although I wouldn't feel guilty thinking about it) I think you need to sort this situation out if possible before you come to any decisions about other men..I understand why you may think like this but you need to sort this out because you are really unhappy what would be the point in confusing yourself any more, I no Your self esteem is probably very low and you need someone to pay attention to you and your needs as a beautiful woman, Thats really understandable..
Can I ask you (Is there a time that there was just you and him? As you mention it was happening before you married, I wondered how long into the relationship did he ask for this and how long it took for you to agree)
The only thing I can say is, Now is the time to talk and tell him of your feelings.. Or you will just feel worse as time goes on..
This has become a really difficult situation, I really do feel for you....A lot may say well you said yes to the threesomes. we all at some point in life make decisions that we wish we had not. And I think you really were blinded so much by your love for your husband that it has led to a lot of upset and heartbreak for you... If you need a chat at any time message me TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): it's simple. let's look at this situation this way. u're a woman n u can have the "sexual impulses" to have sex with someone else let it be a woman or a man but u DIDN'T. Why? Because he is important to u. Because he matters to u. So why can't u expect him to do the same? He's having his fun fucking every women n he enjoys it obviously. Don't u think, at a point if he really loves u, he really cares for u, he'll stop wanting to fuck other woman? Verdict, he doesn't give a shit about u n he's gona fuck any women anytime.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): You know marriages are as different as the people in them :) what works for one couple would never work for another. No one here can answer the question of whether he loves you, for you because we aren't in the relationship. You know in your heart the answer .... and the fact that you are asking means you have some doubts. But can I say that your question evolves around him? That you have done we he has asked , you have listened to what he has wanted and replied, and you have been hurt by his past actions and your experiences with other people and situations he has brought into your life. The only thing we can really know is our own feelings.... are we happy? Is what we are doing enjoyable? Are we secure or comfortable in a situation now, in the past or will be in the future? From your words it seems that because he hasn't stuck with his promises he has hurt you in the past more than once to the point where you are unsure of his feelings towards you or his commitment to the marriage. He is the one with the problem he has an unhappy wife . I would let him know you are unhappy and why , talk to him about your needs and concerns and go from there. See if he makes the effort not just saying the words but actually makes the effort to let you know you are important in his life. What he does or doesn't do then will be the answer. Check again your own security and happiness look to see if your needs and concerns have been responded to ... and decide where to go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): You know marriages are as different as the people in them :) what works for one couple would never work for another. No one here can answer the question of whether he loves you, for you because we aren't in the relationship. You know in your heart the answer .... and the fact that you are asking means you have some doubts. But can I say that your question evolves around him? That you have done we he has asked , you have listened to what he has wanted and replied, and you have been hurt by his past actions and your experiences with other people and situations he has brought into your life. The only thing we can really know is our own feelings.... are we happy? Is what we are doing enjoyable? Are we secure or comfortable in a situation now, in the past or will be in the future? From your words it seems that because he hasn't stuck with his promises he has hurt you in the past more than once to the point where you are unsure of his feelings towards you or his commitment to the marriage. He is the one with the problem he has an unhappy wife . I would let him know you are unhappy and why , talk to him about your needs and concerns and go from there. See if he makes the effort not just saying the words but actually makes the effort to let you know you are important in his life. What he does or doesn't do then will be the answer. Check again your own security and happiness look to see if your needs and concerns have been responded to ... and decide where to go from there.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Honey, we women are wired to attach to those we give our bodies to. Men are wired to be easily attracted to the opportunity for sex. It's natural.
You've given body and soul to your husband, and, so do the women who participate in your 3somes. Those women will accept and pursue your husband for validation of their feelings.
Does your husband love you? Perhaps. I know of many people, even here on this web site, who love their spouses but still love to cheat. A better question may be does he love you more than he loves himself?
Would he be willing to sacrifice for you? Would he be willing to die for you? Would he stick by you in sickness and in health? You know the answers to these questions.
More importantly, can you picture a lifetime of the type of indulgences you've experienced with him already, but each one getting progressively more involved or more elaborate? What if one of his experiments is HIV pos, or gets pregnant?
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