A
female
age
51-59,
*HAT NEXT ?
writes:I have been thinking of writing a letter of closure and don't know what to do.I feel as if it will make me feel better and yet no matter who I ask, they all say just leave it.my ex promised me the earth,and I was so taken in by him that I ended my marriage, but he ended up treating me badly and I ended up losing everything.Time and time again he would text me saying he was sorry and I was the only woman for him etc and I would forgive him because I loved him.He had other women in his life who he would text and would often text the wrong message to me by mistake.I struggled to end it because I couldn't justify what I had lost for him,but i did end it for good last November.A week later my divorce came through,and it hit me how silly I had been.My husband had already met a new partner a week after we split up and has been with her ever since.I never think of them,so i suppose you could say i'm over him.I was devastated by the loss of my ex.I stayed in bed for about a fortnight crying and only got up to go to work.I was taking anti depressants which should have helped me sleep. I was bad for the whole time there was no contact ! 4 months later my ex got back in touch saying his old ways were behind him,he can't get over me and wants me back.I told him what he needed to do if he wanted me back. Then a week later he sent me a picture love message which he had sent to me and another woman i know because the numbers were logged in my details.I rang the other number and she said she talks to him on face book.I changed my number and am devastated again.Do I write a closure letter,because he does have a tendency to keep coming back into my life when he thinks the dust is settled.thanksp.s it's easy to tell someone to leave it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I would write the letter, and post it to yourself.Then when you get it a few days later, read it to yourself and see how it sounds. You might be surprised that reading your own thoughts might either make you feel happy or a bit over the top and emotional sounding.I feel your heartbreak, I know it well and all I ever want to do is write letters to express my feelings, sometimes, I write late into the night, and then I put the letter away and read it to myself a few days later. Mostly I am embarrassed at how silly and pathetic I sound so I throw the letter away and start again. I haven't yet sent a single letter, though I've written many! I have draws full of letters addressed to the one that broke my heart......... but after leaving it for a little while I'm glad I didn't send them out of haste!I wish you well, writing is the best way to make yourself feel better, but just remember it might not make the other person feel better. Moving on is hard, and it sounds like you've lost a lot, just remember to look to the future and not dwell on the past.Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I would write the letter, and post it to yourself.Then when you get it a few days later, read it to yourself and see how it sounds. You might be surprised that reading your own thoughts might either make you feel happy or a bit over the top and emotional sounding.I feel your heartbreak, I know it well and all I ever want to do is write letters to express my feelings, sometimes, I write late into the night, and then I put the letter away and read it to myself a few days later. Mostly I am embarrassed at how silly and pathetic I sound so I throw the letter away and start again. I haven't yet sent a single letter, though I've written many! I have draws full of letters addressed to the one that broke my heart......... but after leaving it for a little while I'm glad I didn't send them out of haste!I wish you well, writing is the best way to make yourself feel better, but just remember it might not make the other person feel better. Moving on is hard, and it sounds like you've lost a lot, just remember to look to the future and not dwell on the past.Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, WHAT NEXT ? +, writes (8 April 2010):
WHAT NEXT ? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply.
I have underlined everything now and i'm not looking back.
I'm going to concentrate on me and go with the flow .
What's for you ,will not pass you by.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): My apology. If i sound moralistic and i did not know your Ex etc.
Obviously your ex husband had extra marital and i am not condoning him for that. I never say that he is allowed coz, he is Man. He did wrong to you. Only thing is that is time will have some thing for him any way. So you do not have to worry about it. and from your post it appear that you have moved on from that already.
Your worry is second man. and you wanted to move on. which i feel that you are doing the right thing as he is not the one whom u can trust to spend life with.
So no use of writing a letter. It will not mean any thing to him. Just spend some time with your close relatives and time will help you to forget him and you can get some happy time to gather your self and think about you rationally what to do next. It may take few months.
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A
female
reader, WHAT NEXT ? +, writes (7 April 2010):
WHAT NEXT ? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat a very self -righteous answer,smug and moralistic too. Anyone would think you enjoyed peoples pain.
Can I just add that my husband had a 6 month affair during our marriage,after I had lost a baby, had my womb removed and was suffering depression because I couldn't have anymore children.He was also a heavy drinker and we spent very little quality time together.Also,a week after our split he was sleeping with someone else,so he was happy to walk away from the marriage,or is that alright because he is a man ?
I have my sons ,my sister,friends I talk to online and I am going to get out more and meet new people.
Incidentally,what do you think of a man who sleeps with someones wife,promises a good life and has other women on the go? He was a Christian.It was because he was a Christian I took a chance.I thought that once we were together we would be set for life.I think Christians sometimes treat people badly knowing forgiveness is guaranteed.
What do you think of husbands who have affairs ? I forgave mine, but he didn't forgive me !
I will happily let God be my judge because he sees the whole picture, and he wont be just be looking at me .
He who lacks understanding,lacks faith !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Dear lady,First of all this is the lesson for you and many that you can not just run behind your fun and fantasies and kill the marriage for ever. I know that it is common story for many people. Any way now that you have lost every thing, you only want to move on with your second man, and my advice will be that do you have any family member with whom u have a good relationship. your mother, father, MOM in law, sister in law etc etc or your son etc.Spend time with them. it will help you to move on from your current BF. Rest you need to leave to GOD.Obviously you need to face the outcome of your KARMAs any way so pain will be there equal to what is accounted by GOD in your life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 April 2010):
Esteem usually accounts for a lot of choices like this. So work on yourself, and try to build that esteem back up. That's a start.
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A
female
reader, WHAT NEXT ? +, writes (7 April 2010):
WHAT NEXT ? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Caring guy
Thanks for your very good answer.I wanted to click on the highest star I could, but clicked the first one thinking I had to click on them all,but I was wrong, so it rated as one star instead of 5 ...sorry.
I know why I fall for his lies because I have no one else in my life.If a friend told me a man was treating her like that I would be appalled.He has destroyed my self esteem.I'm not even young.I should know better.Love is blind.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 April 2010):
No, don't write a letter. Sadly I don't think a man who cheats and treats people like dirt is the kind of men to take notice of a letter. You need to look at your own life carefully and ask yourself why you keep falling for the lies this lousy example of manhood spews every time. Realistically, no matter how much you love him, he will not change. And you need to move on. He comes back to you, because he knows you will cave in. So stop caving in. A letter will not make a difference to a man who doesn't care for you in person. It just won't. Look at your own life and address the issues that cause you to fall for him.
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