A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I began dating "H" 5 years ago. We broke up (a few times) but have always stayed in touch. Recently, our feelings for each other resurfaced. We talk as often as we can (he is in the military so he's sometimes out of reach) and I even visited him. I think I am in love with him, and I know he cares about me too. He tells me all the time how strong his feelings are for me. (No "L" word though.) However, we are not technically "together" or anything and have not really discussed what our relationship is. I don't even know if "H" wants to be in a serious relationship, as we will have to be long distance at least until I'm done with grad school which will be a couple years more. The tricky part is, last night, I got really really drunk with a guy friend of mine, "J". We slept together (or at least attempted to... I don't really remember much of it). I hate myself for having sex with someone other than the man I am in love with. I also don't want to lose "H." While I know it wasn't technically cheating since we aren't officially dating, I do think he would be hurt if I told him. So, do I tell him what happened with "J" or do I simply not make this mistake again? I just don't want to lose him, even though I'm not sure if I have him.
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broke up, drunk, long distance, military Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): If you feel guilty then it's probably cheating. We write technical rules about these things but the real world is murkier than the technicalities can ever be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): No no no of course not lol!! that would be dumb if you told him that...why do you feel bad you two arent even together so your not cheating..why bring that up? you shouldnt feel guilty you guys dont even kno if yourgetting back together yet.just dont cheat if you do get together and youll be fine
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): Don't tell him. Don't ever do it again tho.
It was cheating a bit because u probably didn't tell each other that u can see other people. It would be devastating news for him and since you're not really dating he would end it because of that, trust me. When the guys is able to forgive someone it's the girl who he really loves and cares and they are together( no breaks) for a while because he knows that guy took advantage of her but nt like this.
If u want to get rid of your guilt tell him but if u want him don't and make it up by loving him more.
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