A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help. I am 19 and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 and a half years. I've never had intercourse, but he is 23 and has since he was 18... We've done oral mostly, and I've only been fingered a couple of times, with a ton of pain. I really want to have sex with him because I love him very much and feel ready emotionally.It's just that I have a very, very, very small vagina and never used tampon before. Plus, I know I still have my hymen because my doctor checked me (which also hurt very much.) Now, I just need advice as to go about this. I tried getting drunk, but that just psyched me out more, in a bad way, and he tried it very gently with a lot of foreplay: still a no-go. I don't really know what to do about this pain thing... I'm wondering if I just need to buck up and take it or if there's an easier/better way to do it.
View related questions:
drunk, foreplay, hymen, tampon, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): It's me.
Thanks, guys! You really helped.
I kinda just got comfortable after some foreplay, sucked it up, and once the hardest part was over it wasn't so bad.
Again, thanks.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (2 August 2009):
 Don't get drunk, that is for sure. You will feel much more pleasure if you experience sex without being drunk.Firstly, if your doctor is aware your hymen is intact I am assuming this means you've been to the doctors and are assured everything down there is in working order?Try experimenting on yourself with fingers, toys and a healthy dose of lube. With your boyfriend have him start on oral. If you have a liking for porn have some of that on in the background. Talk dirty, get yourself incredibly worked up. While he's performing oral have him try one finger. Take baby steps and only do what feels good for you.Ensure he knows the level of pain you're feeling and that he shouldn't progress until you're comfortable doing so.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I'm with Baby Duck, go see your doctor. I would never recommend you get drunk or do any kind of drugs to relax. You do want to remember your first time don't you?
Besides that is just moronic and illegal.
Really, it should not hurt that much unless he is extra ordinarily huge....
...............................
A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (2 August 2009):
It will hurt regardless until your body get's use to the size of him. You can try getting drunk or taking something to relax your muscles but eventually you will have to let your fear go and just do it. If you go to the Dr on a regular basis, I am sure they would have found something by now. You are just tight because you are a virgin and he maybe bigger or at least it will seem that way. You can smoke a blunt, pop some X, or go to the adult store and get something for women to help relax you. He should be doing more to help you adjust but really I guess he can only do so much. Try whatever your not afraid of. Something is telling me it is more in your head than in your vagina.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): It may not be that you have a small vagina, he may be too big for you, but I suspect it is your fear of it hurting that is part of the problem.
It shouldn't hurt that much. Google Vaginismus and speak to your doctor about it when you go for birth control pills. Don't even think about having sex without you yourself being on the pill, and then you have to wait a month to be completely safe against pregnancy with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Hi sweetness,
First off, let me tell you a little story. When me and my fella had sex for the first time, I was number 23 on his list and he was my first. It's all good, we're married now and happy, so this has a happy ending. But, it took us a good MONTH to get him inside of me. It was a helluva journey... a fun one, but a really painful one.
On to the advice...
If you really feel like you are heart, soul and body ready to have sex, first things first, get everyone checked out and make sure you have a good source of birth control. Then you can relax about that. Next, plenty of foreplay (which you said you've already tried). Make sure you're nice and wet, and be sure to use your hand to guide him in. It will be easier on you and MUCH easier on him... no guessing game for him! Then, make sure that you're ready to laugh, handle some pain and just enjoy the scenery while you get to that point. And even after the first time, the pain won't magically disappear. It will take some practice, some determination and patience to get all the gears working right and to figure out your groove. But it WILL happen. And things WILL be amazing. Don't give up that hope!
Make sure that your man is gentle and that you guys are prioritizing having fun and communicating openly and honestly. Tell him when it hurts, tell him when to go for it and tell him when to stop.
You can practice on your own at home too. Why not buy a small dildo and make yourself more physically comfortable? No vagina is too small for a penis, or when the time comes, to push a baby out (bet THAT's hard to imagine, huh????). So you will be okay. Your body is made to reproduce and you can't do that without a penis first. So it will happen, my darling, never fear there.
Good luck and it'll happen!
...............................
|
