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Do I forgive her or move on?

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 June 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 June 2007)
A male Trinidad and Tobago age 41-50, *rinihandsome writes:

My girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years.

We are very close and are in love with each other.

she has a friend that she knew since in school. she cheated on me 3 times with him while we were together for 3 years. i kept suspecting and asking, and she said no each time. he's just a friend. he died recently, and because of her vulnerability, i got her to tell the truth. she didn't want to tell me all along, cause she didn't want to hurt me or lose me. He also wanted to be with her, but she always refused cause she said she told him she loved me despite.

do i forgive? what should i do at this point?

View related questions: cheated on me, move on

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A male reader, wildturkey Australia +, writes (13 June 2007):

wildturkey agony auntyou need to ment trust to be able to continue your relationship. For me the only way i could ever trust someone again is to know why she cheated on me. To find this out you need to be tactful. Explain that you want to trust her again and by knowing why she felt like she needed to do that, will help you trust her again. Maybe there was other issues in the relationship. maybe she felt like it was getting stale (which can happen soo easy but can be resolved). maybe like what happened to me she felt insecure about herself and really loved the feeling of being wanted (i created that problem without being aware of it). maybe she would like to try different things in the bedroom. So manny things it could be. GL mate if you really love this girl give her a chance, breaking up isnt the best answer.

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A male reader, trinihandsome Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (12 June 2007):

trinihandsome is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Your answer makes alot of sense. My mind, and good sense is telling me to follow this advice. This is the advice most people will give. But how do you let go someone you love so easily. i really love her. i know if she did it once, she can do it again. She said she learnt her lesson, and doesn't want to lose me. She seems really sorry. But i am still deciding, cause it is very serious to me.

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A female reader, Straight Up United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2007):

Straight Up agony aunti can't tell you whether to forgive her or not but what i can say is relationships should have trust in them. and it seems to me that you don't trust her what if she does it again how will you feel. it's a bit hard to comment on this because the man is dead so you only have her word. what if he wasn't dead how would you know whether she was going to leave you. and if she really did love there was no need to cheat on you.if i was in your situation I would try my best to leave because i know i could get so much better and i could find someone who would showed me they did love me by not hurting me. when she was with him didn't she think she was hurting you anyway by betraying your trust just think about all the pros and cons

goodluck

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