A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Lately he has started staying at his house more and more. Im hardly seeing him. Do i ask him out right - "do you want time on your own" or "if you would like to finish ower relationship?" Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 September 2014):
Yea, a relationship where one person has to walk on eggshells is not good or healthy. But neither is one where EVERYTHING turns into an argument... However, IF he refuses to speak, HOW can anything get fixed?
I think this is the beginning of the end, how long it will take before your two break up is up to you... You can pussy-foot around it or tell him it's over.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 If he's not agoraphobic, then you should tell him straight out. "Get your lazy butt in gear and take me to dinner or something." good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): I have asked him for a "heart to heart" to which i was told "no, we will just argue" he knows im not wanting to argue. So i just keep quite. This is getting way to much for me "90% loving and caring" with a 10% for him. I know iv bowed to often to keep him. As i thought he loved me but now im seeing there is no effort from him. He is depressed often and i thought i was helping but now i see yet again he is pushing me away......for good....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 September 2014):
I agree with the two gentlemen here.
YOU have to decide if this is OK or not. And what YOU want. If you WANT more time with him, let him know. A relationship consists of TWO adults so decisions like this are not just HIS to make and YOU to accomodate.
Has something happened in the relationship (that YOU are aware of) that sparked this "loner" attitude in him?
TALK to your man. YOU are his partner not his employee.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 September 2014):
You're old enough that you should be telling him what you want, not playing games and asking him if he "wants out".
He's a big boy, so you should just assume that if he wanted to leave you he would.
Just tell him you're not happy with the way things are and you want him to be putting in more effort.
If he's not willing then find someone who is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): Perhaps it is time to determine where the relationship is going. More importantly, you need to let him know where you'd like it to go. If you're no longer on the same page or unsure or what you want from your relationship; it may be time for a frank and candid discussion.
Such discussions can be potentially volatile if you approach him with a hostile attitude. You want answers, not a fight. It would only give him an excuse to avoid talking about it. He may be undecided or conflicted; so he will be evasive to avoid nagging or confrontation. So tell him from the start you're not looking for an argument, then don't start one. Time-out the discussion if it gets heated. Draw your own conclusion if he won't talk about it.
Four years is a long-time, and suddenly he is seeking his independence and/or privacy subtly, or on the sly. If you've been having frequent disagreements or there has been a sudden decline in your communication; maybe the relationship has run its course.
You have a lot of questions you need to consider before your talk.
Were there ever plans of marriage and a family? Do you live a long distance from his place? Is it possible he'd just like you to spend more time with him at his house instead of yours? Could it only be that he just misses hanging out in his own place? He's paying rent or a mortgage, and he has to live there sometime. The question also has to be asked if there was ever any discussion of you both living together over the span of four years? If it never came up, he may have always planned an eventual exit. Have you ever declined a marriage proposal? Have you recently brought up the subject of marriage?
He didn't give up his own place for a reason, that is certain. Marriage must have never been under consideration.
I'm willing to speculate that he's just losing interest in being in this relationship; if he hasn't discussed living together, or doesn't talk about future plans.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Why not just ask him why your spending so little time together. Explain this hurts you and you would like to change it. Hopefully he will
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