A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Does he fancy me?I have known this guy for 4 years and over the past couple of years we have become good friends, especially in the last 6 months.He has always had mostly female friends and so is comfortable around us all and the more he seems to know someone the more he feels comfortable touching them. He has become integrated into my group of female frineds, however there is always a marked difference about the way he acts with me and with the others. He has a couple of female best friends of his own and although he touches them when they are around, he is not as touchy feely with them as with me.When we sit down he will occasionally hold my hand and he often stands behind me with his chest against my back and his arms around me whilst resting his chin on my head. He also sometimes cards his fingers through my hair and the other day when we had been split up when clubbing he gave me a massive hug when we were reunited. Also, over the last couple of months he has started calling me 'sweetheart'. Many of our friends (and even some people that don't know us very well) think that we have chemistry or that we actually are a couple but when my best friend asked him if he was attracted to me he laughed it off and said 'no' and when other people mention anything jokingly about us being together he tends to ignore it.Thus, I am not sure how he actually does feel.
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best friend, clubbing, split up Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks everyone who replied, your responce has been great and I will take some of the things you said on board and see what happens:)
A
female
reader, sexi suga +, writes (1 July 2008):
hey i was recntly in a similar position but honestly the best thing to do is just ask him. what i did was i sent the same messages back to him. eg when he gave me a hug i gave him a kiss on the cheek. i played in exactly the way he played it. when he would run his fingers down my arm i would run my hands through his hair. And well eventually it did lead to something more without me even sayinng anything. So hey its worth a go
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (1 July 2008):
 If YOU love him, go for him.
Signed, someone who has loved and decided not to go for the person. And regretted it.
What do you stand to lose? If he doesn't like you, he's going away anyways...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would rather wait for him to make the move as I am more of a 'traditional girl'. If nothing happens I will accept that especially sinse university looms so we will be separated then.
I understand that he may do nothing but I figure that there are advantages and disadvantages both for getting together and just staying friends.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
 I don't think he'll do anything either. Do you want to spend all summer wasting time thinking about him or take the initiative and finally put all this to rest?
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A
male
reader, guillaume + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
 But that's the point, i don't think he will do anything and you will still be in this position.......you need to ask for that coffee. x
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
That's a good point, let us know what happens!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think after hearing what everyone has said I will just wait and see what happens because like I said earlier, school has finished now so if school was why he didn't want to do anything then he will have the opportunity now and if not then I will just accept his friendship for what it is.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
So what are you going to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can promise you oldersister he isn't gay. She turned him down so they never went out although he has had another girlfriend which lasted 6 months and he has done other things when drunk to prove he isn't gay (not that it needs proving as never in 4 years has he in anyway done anything to make me think he was gay).
Also, if he is just my friend I wouldn't want to create any boundaries between us to stop him hugging me etc because he in himself is a physically warm person when you get to know him so as a friend I wouldn't want to freeze him out, especially sinse if nothing happened between us I wouldn't mind him doing it because in general I can be touchy feely with my female friends so don't see the point in preventing 'friendliness' just because he is of a different sex.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
I agree with guillaume, go out to coffee and ask him if he has ever thought about you guys being more than friends. Innocent and non-threatening enough, right? If he starts giving excuses or reasons you can't, that's your answer and you can let it go. If he tells you "OMG, I've been in love with you all these years!", I'd be a little suspicious but who knows? Good luck!
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A
male
reader, guillaume + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
Hi,
Ok then, well school is now out so I really think it's worth asking him for the coffee. He sounds a nice guy so i wouldn't worry about being rejected although it might just be friends. G xx
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
I doubt that has anything to do with it, just sounds like another barrier he's imposed! Look, I'm sure you can force the situation and he may physically respond but would that really make him want a relationship with you? If you're going crazy over this guy and thinking about him all the time, you can always get the conclusion you need by talking to him- even if just to clear things up. Personally, if I liked a guy and he wasn't making any moves and felt stuck in just playing with my hair and hugging me, I wouldn't let him do those things. There would be more of a physical boundary, he wouldn't have the right to be that familiar with me if he had no intent to take things further. Also, he has said he wasn't attracted to you. What guy in their right mind would say that if they fully intended to advance the relationship? If he was shy, he may say "She is gorgeous or very attractive" or he may laugh it off but a flat out "NO"? There is only so much you can read into a situation and there's nothing really to go on here. It's been 4 yrs that you've known each other, something would have happened.
About that girl, did it ever get to the physical level? Did they have an actual relationship? This guy might very well be gay and used the argument to break things off so he didn't have to even go there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I was going to add this before but didn't think it important, although some people have now seemed to question the speed at which things would have developed if he was attracted to me.He did say to me once that he wouldn't go out with anyone who he went to school with as he asked someone once and when she said that they were just best mates and she didn't want anything more,it all got complicated and they had a massive arguement which was all over the school and which was never reconciled. My friend thought that this may have been the reason why he said that he wasn't attracted to me but I am still unsure as to whether this is the case.However, we have just took our A Levels and so school has just finished for us.
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A
male
reader, guillaume + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
Hi,
After I'd read this, I was immediately going to say that he is really interested in you. However, I've read Oldersister's advice and I'm having to agree with her. Yes, it dawned on me that, why haven't things moved on at an uncontrollable pace? It is true that if a guy is touching a girl and she is happy with it, the guy will move things on with the girl very quickly. It's natural, both sense the attraction. I suggest you should ask him for a coffee, no risk as he is a friend, and see how he responds. That is, if he thinks it's a date or friends. Worth a try to settle your mind. Really though, things should have moved on by now! best wishes, G xx
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
Based on what you've written so far, I would say this is just a friendship. Usually when it starts getting somewhat physical like what you are describing, things escalate pretty quickly- you know, uncontrollable hormones! He doesn't seem to have that overwhelming desire that rules most people when they want to take things to the next level! It sure sounds like he is comfortable hanging out with you though which is nice. There are also different ways to flirt, one is with "intent" and another is just fun. If you've been going to the movies with this guy and he's not taking your hand and caressing it or doing things that would make most women excited and filled with anticipation, chances are, you are just a pal!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust for those who questioned it, no he isn't gay, I am certain on that. And we have done things like gone out to the cinema, town and restaurants, but that is more on a friendship basis like I would with a female friend.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  + ♥, writes (30 June 2008):
 this question has caused me to wonder if he is gay? he has many female friends, he is very affectionate to you and them, and his general behaviour possibly points to the fact he may be gay. have you ever seen him dating, kissing, with other girls? why not suggest going to a movie together or something? easy because if he does like you then obviously he will want to, if he's gay he'll want to also but will keep his distance. suggest a chick flick with a really hot guy in it and his reaction should say it all.....! if this doesnt work then throw caution to the wind and ask him if he's interested in you. wats the worst that could happen?! email me and let me know how you get on x
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (30 June 2008):
 First, have you ever known him to have a girlfriend? Or maybe too many? Just trying to eliminate any possability that he may be gay, or a player. I always tell people who arnt sure if their crush feels the same way about them that the best way to find out without creating any akwardness is to drop settle hints. topch hoim back, look for his reactions. Find time alone with him, tell him you think he is adorable,"I'm shoked you dont have a girlfriend! The ladies must swarm you!" Listen to his response. Of course, if he is gay, well, your responses will be obvious;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): he fancies you but trying to play it cool
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