A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I split from my husband 4 years ago after being in a very passionless marriage for 10+years, no kids. I have given him plenty of time to adjust to life without me and now I am filing for divorce. He remains in complete denial. Tonight I dropped by the house we used to share together to pick up a few things. He was not expecting me, but I came in through the garage (which makes alot of noise when activated). I called out to him upon entering the house and he said he was in the study. The house was dark inside and when I walked in, I found him completely naked, sitting at the computer staring at a bunch of naked photos of me. I was completely grossed out. I may not have called ahead, but he had plenty of time to grab a pair of sweats, or a blanket and cover up. Needless to say I got the items I came for, and we talked briefly about refinancing the house to get my name off the property; and I asked him when he was going to get rid of all the naked pictures he has of me so he can "move on" in life. He said he had no intentions of ever being with anyone else. The whole thing was creepy because I haven't had sexual feelings for him for many, many years, and it seems like after 4 years he would have learned to cope better than this. But he's refused to seek counseling or get out and socialize and even try to have a normal life. I realize I can't shoulder this burden, but I just worry that he'll do something to harm himself once he receives the divorce papers and even though I don't want to be married to him, I don't want that to happen! Any advise?? Does his behavior seem weird to anyone else? Maybe I just don't understand how men are wired, but I'm concerned that he's becoming creepy.
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female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (27 November 2009):
 Carrot2000 is dead on the money here.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  + ♥, writes (24 November 2009):
 Perhaps he would have moved on if you weren't dropping by the house you shared to pick up belongings you should have taken with you four years ago. Maybe your failure to make a clean break has lead to his denial.
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A
female
reader, TalkingHelps  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 No you were married, he misses you, i feel sorry for him!
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A
female
reader, Roadster73 + ♥, writes (24 November 2009):
 it might seem creepy to you but I don't think it's not normal?? Some men need visual sitmulation to play... Maybe his needs to be realistic & a real life memory to get his rocks off?? Maybe he was hoping u would see him & jump on?? But u agree with everyone & say ring/knock the door before u enter the house x
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A
male
reader, deaconblue6969 +, writes (24 November 2009):
i have three words for you...NOT YOUR PROBLEM...after four years and this guy hasnt moved on id say stay away and let the lawyers and the courts get whatever you need from your old residence etc end of story move on.........
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (24 November 2009):
 My god. This man needs help. You must be really attractive for him to be sitting around abusing himself to naked picture of you after all this time. You must get those pictures from him and put them in a safe place. For your own good as well as his. Call me at ***-***-**** and I will tell you my address and you can send them straight on without delay and i will see they are disposed of properly.
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A
female
reader, BLACKSTAR +, writes (24 November 2009):
four years is a very long time for any one to hold on. if he does somthing wont and cant be u'r fault. you have moved on.but his choice is to never be with anyone else. so be it. he must have loved you, and that takes time even for a man. as for the naked pictures and masterbating at least he is doing it in the private of his own home. you should have called.
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A
female
reader, FFF5 +, writes (24 November 2009):
Awww, well i don't know the reason for the divorce in the first place, but from hearing this story.. I feel bad for him, some women would die for a man like that who would actually miss them when they leave, cause a lot of men are A-holes. Sounds like a man with a heart, think twice..
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (24 November 2009):
His behaviour might not be emotionally healthy for him, but it's not abnormal. He has to be able to come to terms with this at his own pace.When my parents split up my father didn't even get his own place for a couple of years because he believed he and my mum would get back together. Instead he alternated between staying with me and staying with his brother. Everyone handles it their own way and on their own time.Masturbating to your photos might be distasteful to you, but perhaps it is his methadone. He no longer has your companionship so maybe this allows him to wean himself off you gradually. Facing the loss all at once might be too much for him. Something that does come to mind though...in future you might consider ringing the front door bell and waiting for him to answer. That would help establish a more formal relationship with him. After all it is his home now. Entering on your own is rather intimate and familiar and may feed his denial.
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