A
male
age
36-40,
*razy984
writes:Hi,About two years ago my girlfriend cheated on with with her friend from London, over about 3 months. My g/f says it never went any further than kissing all the time they were together, but i have a feeling that sex was involved.They used to just talk on the phone all the time but eventually they decided to meet for the first time ever while my g/f was stopping with her grandparents in london. They spent the week sightseeing but near the end of the week my g/f wanted to see where he lived, they went back to his flat (in london) where they were alone for a while together. He then started seeing her in the town where we live and they would hang about at the shops and they went to the cinema once, they also went back to my g/f's house where they were alone together again (she lives with her parents). I asked her to stop seeing him eventually when i started to realise something was going on between them and she stopped straight away, about 8 months later i told her to stop talking to him on the phone (i wasnt too bothered by this) and she did this too, now 2 years later she has finally told me what happened.Ive heard 4 versions of this story, each one with more details cus she was scared of hurting and losing me, it turns out that all the time they were together they would be kissing (they had agreed it would start being a proper relationship before she meet him during the week with her grandparents), the time when they were at his flat alone she told me that he put his hand on her leg and tried to touch her but she pushed him away and that when they went back to her house he was only there to take a look at her broken computer cus she wanted a 2nd opinion before she sent it back.I recently spoke to this guy using my g/fs email account and asked him to admit to me what happened between them, he emailed me (at my account cus he thought it was my g/f that asked himto do it in the first place) and told me they had sex twice and that he was in love with her and didnt know i was her b/f at the time, she has confirmed that he didnt know i was her b/f but denies the sex, he also said to me (through her email account so he thought it was her) that he loved her long before he met her or f*cked her.My g/f has denied this constantly and we nearly broke up this weekend cus i was accusing her still and she still denies it, could she be telling the truth and he be lying??? She even said that there wasnt any reason to lie to me anymore and if it had happened then she would tell me.I love her and she says she is in love with me (we have been together 5 years since we were 16) and i dont wanna lose her, we were each others firsts for everything and in the past i have not shared any of my feelings with her which she blames for her cheating cus this guy was emotionally available whereas i wasnt.What do other people think?As many opinions as possible please!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): lol, dude she totally cheated. if shes your first and she was with another guy alone. she had sex with him. its obvious. dont be a fool. there is no such thing as a one and only, believe me. me and my girlfriend, we dated for 4.5 years and bought a house, broke up a month ago. thankfully it was mutal. we are really good friends. we trusted each other, but you know what if your thinking she cheated on you now and your in your young twentys, there is noway that your relationship will last. i mean last and be happy. let me give you a peace of advice. trust is the key to a happy relationship. youve only been with one girl. there are hundreds of thousands of women in this world. you only live once, so dont you think you should be happy and not worry where she is at? you wanna be with someone who dosent make you feel tyhat way. I thought i was goin to be with my girlfriend forever. we brokeup, we grew apart, we just wern't right for each other. and its hard to change, no one likes it. but you know what everyday you change and may not realize but you are. some things get worse and somethings get better. your young dont think there is only one person in this world. good luck
A
male
reader, crazy984 +, writes (27 May 2008):
crazy984 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, just on another note, the email account he was talking to me through when i impersonated her was one that i had made up, could he have figured it wasnt her even though i sent a text to him from her phone saying that she was gonna be sending him an email?
The last thing i want is to dump her but i still feel like she is lying to me even though we have talked this through extensively and she just doesnt want someone like her mum (who hates cheaters and liars) to find out and disown her (which she would do).
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Whether she did or didn't sleep with this other guy is probably not the most relevant thing here....the problem is she cheated on you. Cheating is more than having sex with someone else - she pretended to be available, put herself in a position to be alone/get intimate with this other man, flirted with him and entertained the idea that they might have a relationship...even if she didn't take that next step, she betrayed your trust and has altered your relationship forever. That doesn't have to mean it is over...but it will different.
I agree that it is probably important for her to start being honest now and tell you what really happened...and if she is saying that she honestly didn't sleep with him you have to decide whether you can believe her over the guy (he has something to potentially gain by telling you they slept together doesn't he?? Maybe you'll end it and he can have her?)
Your main problem here is that you love this woman and don;t want to loose her - but you feel you don;t know her anymore and can't trust her....so how then can you be with her?? You will need time and lots of talking to work out if it is possible to mend things and move forward from here as a couple.
If she is able to make you believe that she regrets her actions, and that it is you she wants to be with, and if you can both commit to trying to rebuild the trust...then maybe you guys can get through this. I suggest you look at some literature about recovering from an affair, and maybe even seek professional counselling. This will be a very emotional and confusing time for you and it is likely you will feel one way one day and then completely different the next. Just give yourself time, talk with your GF and see how it goes.
I'd also suggest stopping contact with the other guy - it isn't constructive and will only cause you more hurt, doubt and confusion. Concentrate on you and her. She has stopped all contact with him...that;s a positive sign!
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