A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently ended a long-term on again/off again relationship with a married man. It went on for 14 years. I finally broke it off with him -- for good. This all happened in the last month and I am still sad about the whole thing, though I know what I did was right.During the time I made the decision to end things with the married man, I met a guy online. He contacted me on a social networking site and we hit it off immediately.We talked music and movies and life in general. He is divorced with a son. I told him I had an on again/off again relationship that I just ended (though I didn't go into details about it being with a married man)..We talked on the phone once, but not since. That was rather confusing that he didnt ask to talk on the phone and would rather chat online....but maybe he's not the phone type. He also asked me to go to a movie but that was early on in our chats and I explained I wsn't quite ready for that yet. He hasn't asked since.Then one day, I didn't hear from him, and he wasn't online....later I head from him that he went on a date. I am rather embarrassed to say this, but I was a little jealous. I wished him well on the date but decided not to contact him. Then I saw that he deleted his profile on the website I met him on. But rather than email him or send a message saying 'wow your page is gone!?', I said nothing. For the next few days he left messages online saying hi and I didn't respond. Then finally we were both online at the same time and he said he deleted his page on the website, and I acted as if I hadn't noticed. We went on chatting as if nothing happened.This was a couple weeks ago and it seems like since then, our conversations are mostly about sex. We have even traded pictures and not all of them are of our faces. (That is not like me at all!) I am very attracted to him, so I enjoy the chats, but I am not looking for a friends with benefits relationship. I would rather just be friends than have that.I feel like maybe I did something wrong to make him view me as a potential sex partner and nothing more. I'm not that type of person. The only thing I can think of is that I haven't been myself over the breakup with the married guy. It's like after years of settling for being second best, I want more yet I am still heartbroken over having had to end the relationship.I don't always hear from the online guy and that is making me a little sad. I know he had an interest in me, but somewhere along the line things turned into this.I am wondering if I should just stop all contact with the online guy for good, or is there something I can do to find out what his feelings are?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 First you got for 14 YEARS with a married man, I can only hope that you didn't select your age properly, and then you go for a divorced guy.
Lets do a reality check shall we.
"I feel like maybe I did something wrong to make him view me as a potential sex partner and nothing more. I'm not that type of person."
You been a mistress for 14 years. You are EXACTLY that type of person.
Perhaps you should ask yourself why for so long you were happy to be in this affair. You ended it in this month? It is the 20th today so that makes it 3 weeks at most since you ended a 14 year relationship.
Might you not need some time to get over this before you try dating again especially on the internet?
I can't shake the feeling that there is a huge difference between the way you like to see yourself and the way you behave.
You got to sort yourself out, what do you want out of life, what makes you happy (and a man is NOT the correct answer), why do you do the things you do.
It is trite, but if you want to be loved you got to love yourself first and be able to say, I deserve to be happy (and not just be a sextoy).
And remember, do NOT publish anything on the internet if you don't want it to be shown to 6 billion people. Lets hope those pictures do not come back to haunt you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 I think you should stop the contact with him. He seems to be interested in "virtual sex" only. Maybe not only "virtual", but he's not interested in a permanent relationship in which you will be his number one and his only one.
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