A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey there. I've got a pretty basic question. I was in a relationship for about 7 months and things were good. We were extremely healthy. Never fought, got along great, and the sex was awesome. But deep down, I always knew she wasn't the girl for me. We come from very different backgrounds and want completely different things from life. I very highly value education and follow politics etc, and she couldn't care less about politics and getting an education is not on her list of top priorities. I really enjoyed my time spent with her, as we truly were so healthy together and were like best friends who were dating. But like I said, I always knew that deep down, I wasn't it for her and she wasn't it for me. Throughout the course of our relationship, I had recurring thoughts of ending the relationship, because I didn't have the strong type of feelings for her like I should have. I didn't want to talk on the phone when she would call (even though I would). I didn't want to be bothered to take the time to go see her (even though I did). I just wasn't in it the way I should have been. But then I never had any real reason not to be with her - we were so healthy together and got along so great, so why end it? Anyway, to wrap things up, we just split up recently, and for some reason, I'm really saddened by it. When we were together, I thought of parting ways and wasn't fully emotionally invested. But now that we are broken up, I find I really miss having her to talk to and just generally miss her presence. I'm having a much harder time with it than I ever thought I would. I guess my question is that despite knowing that we were never meant to be together, why does this hurt like it does? If I wasn't invested in our relationship when we were actually together, why am I suddenly NOW invested? And how to stop my brain from playing this trick on me? Thanks in advance.
View related questions:
best friend, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): you miss this person because you had good times together. You took her for granted a bit. Now shes not there you notice the difference and find it hard to move on.Maybe you need a bit more warmth in your life , or a bit more friendship, or love, but it is often the way...just dont pine forever because presumably she has moved on..now you too must move on with your life. Love is not always what we expect it to be.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 May 2015):
 This intrigues me. It's like you had already talked yourself out of the relationship before you had a chance to let it evolve naturally. In a sense, it's a little heartbreaking to me because nothing you mentioned as being the REASON why you weren't meant to be needed to be the reason, you know? Had you said that she was a serial cheater or player, or she had a criminal background, or she put people down or was unkind or was irresponsible with money or credit, I'd have agreed with you. But not liking education or politics? Sometimes it's BECAUSE we look at the world from different perspectives that gives the relationship strength.
I value education and my husband doesn't. He is massively into politics and I am not. We've been married almost 17 years, but by your accounting, we weren't meant to be.
People are deeper than you think. I think your head got in the way of what could have been a great relationship because of pre-judgment and prejudice, and now that she is gone, your heart is telling you what your head got in the way of the whole time.
She may have been coming on strong or semi-crowding while you were together, which can certainly cause the feelings you had while IN the relationship, but now that she's not there, you miss her.
Either way, now that you both have split, if you care for her, you'll let her find someone who is invigorated by getting to know her and not the other way around.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 May 2015):
 Just because you dated her more for "fun" then because you thought you had a future doesn't mean you didn't get somewhat emotionally invested in being with her.
And sometimes people don't figure THAT out till after they break up.
Relationships where you aren't a GREAT match can be SO soothing and easygoing that it doesn't FEEL serious.
My second BF was not at all someone I had much in common with, but he was sweet, fun and all around easygoing. We dated for a year and I broke up with him because I realized that I liked him a lot, BUT only as a friend. I tell you, I missed him a LOT. I think that is was his friendship I missed the most though.
Could be you are also trying to rationalize WHY you dated her. And why it ended.
Basically you enjoyed the ride AFTER the fact, now while dating her. Weird, I know but it happens.
...............................
|
