A
female
age
36-40,
*ospl
writes:I've met this guy recently through friends I like him very much. We've been on couple of dates but my problem is that he is a gynecologist! I can't seem to see through that.I cannot imagine what that is like for a young man. It bothers me to think that someone I'm involved with works so 'intimetly' with women. How can it be possibly be that he doesn't feel anything when examining (having his hands deep inside them) or seeing these women? Will he be comparing me with what he sees on his job? I want to persue a relationship with him but this is really bothering me. Help me please :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): Well, as Hnk has pointed out, patients are seen through clinical eyes. Male gyn's have specialized in field they are most qualified for and can best contribute. Not to look at naked women. I have also worked in the healthcare field. Making sure you follow the appropriate medical procedures, make the best medical decisions, and provide the best treatment doesn't leave you much else to think about.You see so much illness, that your mind focuses only on the patient's medical issues.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): Well, as Hnk has pointed out, patients are seen through clinical eyes. Male gyn's have specialized in field they are most qualified for and can best contribute. Not to look at naked women. I have also worked in the healthcare field. Making sure you follow the appropriate medical procedures, make the best medical decisions, and provide the best treatment doesn't leave you much else to think about.You see so much illness, that your mind focuses only on the patient's medical issues.
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male
reader, Hnk  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Hello well, I m a medicine student and it is completely wrong to assume that! I will only tell you how sick I feel looking at people's genitals yet I am trained to be professional and I tend to hide my expressions completely. I have to smile and show I am not disgusted. I remember my first time in gynecology ward and I had to fight hard not to throw up! It's very different environment with diseases and honestly we get immune to sexual attractions with our patients as no one is attractive when sick! Girls don't look their best when they visit doctors (I hope you understand what I mean) and looking at those extra fluids, sores, blisters, pus, etc only takes your sexual desire away! sex is last thing on your mind! Also, even in our clinical years we need to pass different rotations of different wards including gynecology before we are ready to practice. thus, every doctor has read anatomy in details of male n female body. If you are still unsure, go visit a library and open up any gynecology book with real images! Tell me if you are turned on by those !
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I find it difficult to believe you've actually been to a gynecologist. If you had been to one, you'd be very aware that it is about the least erotic experience one can imagine. "Try to hold still while I scrape some cells off your cervix. You may feel some discomfort." HA!
If you are that rich in fantasy life that you think a gynecologist is getting turned at work, you definitely shouldn't be dating one.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Funny, I used to wonder the opposite. How come all the gynos do not turn gay after a while.
First, a vagina is one of those things like..a ballet dancer ? Much more fascinating when it is in motion and in action, if you just stare at it between performances, it may be nothing much to look at.
Second, sure, occasionally gynos also get to check young ,beautiful, healthy women for a routine check up , but it's a minority. The bulk of the clientele is constituted by people who've got something wrong with their genitalia, that's why they are at the doctor's . Blisters and sores and smelly discharges and ulcers and scar tissue and herpes and fybromas etc.etc.
Third, the procedures and exams happen in such a technical, non- intimate, sterile and impersonal fashion that I think it would take a heck of a horndog of a doctor to get lewd thoughts from that.
Finally, it's the same for any other kind of doctor, if you think about it. Surely, a gyno sees a very specif part of female anatomy, but most doctors get to see " erotic " parts of the woman's body. Orthopedists see a lot of nude thighs, plastic surgeons see breasts and butts, etc. They are, supposedly, professionsls, they have developped the mental habit and the self control to see even an attractive body, or body part, as just another clinical case and not as a stripper's exhibition.
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male
reader, hardnut +, writes (8 March 2013):
In my youth I said, thats the job for me. I became a police officer instead. I have seen a lot of nude women in my work. from rape cases to home made illegal porn. When doing my job I did not think of the rape victim as sexual. Its a job and she was part of the job. To him these women are just work. You are not work, but the female he will enjoy. The great part of this is knowledge. He should be a good lover and caring person. During examination of females for disease and more, he will do his job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I should imagine that this would not be the first time that your gentleman friend has experienced this type of anxiety from someone potentially very special to him. You should talk to him about how you are feeling and if he's a nice man then I'm she he would be happy to reassure you! Try to remember that there are professional boundaries and if you respect his integrity then you should be assured that he won't be gratified in any way by the examinations he performs! However the key to any successful relationship is communication so if the time is right then have that conversation but try not to use a sledgehammer to crack a nut and keep it relatively light hearted whilst simultaneously addressing the issues you are experiencing. If he doesn't understand and if you are unable to accept his perspective then maybe he is not the right one for you and perhaps then it's time to move on but if you decide that he is right for you then you must fully trust him and accept that this is his chosen career; after all you want him to be happy too!
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 March 2013):
 I have to say there is nothing intimate about a pelvic exam at all.
One of my good friends is a oncologist ( specialized in children with cancer) should he not want to be around healthy kids because his work revolves around SICK kids?
Or a plastic surgeon who sees EVERYTHING from varicose veins to vaginas, do you think he gets his rocks of when a girl was a set of DDD headlight?
I think you are WAY over thinking this.
I SERIOUSLY doubt that ANY gyno gets his rocks off from doing a pap smear, checking for STD's, yeast infections and so forth.
What you are dating is a guy who happened to specialize as a gyno.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): As a nurse in a sexual health clinic I see penises every day, I can tell you that it is NOT arousing. Its just a job that I do and when I go home, I enjoy my bfs penis.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): "How can it be possibly be that he doesn't feel anything when examining (having his hands deep inside them) or seeing these women?"
OP if he felt anything the he wouldn't be able to do his job. If he felt anything the idea of a red raw vagina with weeping herpes sores and really pungent smell would make him so sick he would be useless at it.
Just like a paramedic can pick up the broken pieces of a child's shattered skull from a car accident and still be able to go back into work the next day.
Or a cop can hear the story of a brutal rape and not want to punch every guy he sees.
Doctors, including gyns see us humans at our worst OP. If they didn't see us as just a problem to be solved with no emotion then they'd be shit at their job and couldn't do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I'll answer this as a guy who has male gyn friend. I can tell you OP from what he tells me women can be the most utterly disgusting creatures on the planet.
He told me one story of when he was a med student and older lady came in and the smell off her made his eyes water. She came in because that smell was coming from her vagina and it literally filled the room, it was insanely disgusting, to the point where he had to leave the room and people passing hurried past the door.
Guess what he found in there? A used, disintegrating tampon, part of it had turned green and infected he said it could have been up there years, he told me it took all his will power not to vomit all over the place when he pulled it out.
I mean I'm a guy, my first reaction was "damn, lucky you" and he said "nope, just a job, like cleaning out gutters but with far better pay" sometimes it's easy because they're clean and well taken care of but about quarter of the vaginas he sees every day are leaking a smelly discharge, or have herpes sores, or have smegma encrusted in between the labia or bits of toilet paper stuck to the pubes or they're incontinent and leaking urine. that sound like fun to you?
OP it's just a job, those vaginas have no more significance to him than the food a person serves all day long as a waiter or the cars engine a person fixes. It can be a dirty messy, smelly and disgusting job at times, but as a gyn neither the disgust matters nor how clean or nice looking one may be. There is zero emotion involved at all.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I think you may have to drop this guy as a prospect, if you find this concernworthy....
I have to tell you that I have a set of scrubs that I wear occasionally.... and on the top, where the name and department is displayed, I've painted on (fabric paint):
Dr. O.K. Lemmisi
Gynecology Dep't
P.S. I wouldn't date a woman who was an Engineer. She might come out to my garage (my "man-cave") and nose around...
Good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): There are ethical procedures and professional lines that doctors treating patients do not cross. Guess what, there's a likelihood that every adult male you've ever dated may have seen other women naked and even touched them. There is certainly no comparison here, I'm merely pointing out how our reasoning is coming across.There is a pervert in every existing profession. I'll grant you that. However, your visits to your gynecologist must be few to none, if your opinion is that they are focusing on anything but treating you as a patient. They are human and subject to all human emotion. This is true.There is no sexually-related intimacy in treating a patient!Especially when treating infections and other feminine health-related maladies. No matter how attractive a patient may be, a cyst or abnormal lesion is nothing sexy. His hands are gloved, he uses tools, and there is an assistant standing next to him throughout the procedure. Stop and think about that. They are trained to be professional, ethical, and to keep their emotions and sexual urges in check like everyone else. If they cross the line, they stand to lose a lot!Ignorance kept gays out of the military, by people incorrectly assuming their sexuality goes ahead of their abilities to serve, their patriotism, and morals.Let me tell you, he'll have no problem finding someone else who doesn't feel as you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I think the problem here is that you don't really know or understand what this guy does.It seems like you need to do a bit of research into why women go to see an gynaecologist in the first place to understand what happens over a normal working day.YouWish has listed a few. This is a job in which you frequently have to break bad if not devastating news to people, to help deal with their pain, to help with infertility worries, the list goes on. One of my best friends is a gynae-oncology trainee and I can assure you that it is not the sort of job where any sexual feelings are involved- and I am assuming you are referring to the sexual variety when you mention feelings, otherwise I can't see what you would be worried about. You also need to realise that the work gynaecologists do can be extremely rewarding and really help make a difference in peoples' lives, just like any other medical speciality. If you can't understand or get over this guy's job then find someone else.
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reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Well, he's not YOUR gynecologist, now is he? Doctors don't normally date their patients - nor should they. If they did, it would be extremely unprofessional.
Either get over it, or find someone else to date!!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 March 2013):
 What?!? Have you ever had a pap smear? A gynecological exam is far from "intimate" and involves those spaghetti tong speculums and rubber latex gloves and that massive oversized q-tip. Hardly sex toys!
It is a CLINICAL experience that no one likes, including him. It's not the same thing at all from intimate caresses. The only thing he "feels" during the exam is that he wants it over! He looks for cancer, polyps, fibroids, STI's, yeast infections, and more. He doesn't shove his hand deep inside them like you mentioned...he reached a GLOVED HAND to examine a cervix...not pleasant at all. Any guy who gets off on a clinical exam is just gross, and 99.99% of OB/GYN's feel nothing like that, and the 00.01% who are gross tend lose their license.
OB/GYN's have a sex life too, just like the other doctors who can tell a guy to turn their head and cough, yet go home to their husband, or a dentist who can drill out cavities and fill teeth can come home and kiss their wives or husbands.
What's bothering you is the last thing you ever need to worry about with an OB. Trust me on this.
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