A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Going to be a semi-long story but here it goes.Basically, almost 2 months later I am completely devastated that my girlfriend left me. We were together for 2 1/2 years, almost 3 years it would've been this June.Now, the reason for the break up is complicated. I realized over the course of the relationship that sometimes I would get into a mood where I would be grumpy, a little nasty, not nice, and not talk to her. I don't know what sparked these moods but I am pretty sure it might have been caused by me not having a job, sometimes I would fight with my family, etc. I didn't mean to direct my attitude on her at all. 2 months ago I was at her house and she said she couldn't take it anymore and that I had to leave. I didn't want to but I said I was sorry and left. We made amends the next day. About 2 weeks went by and she called me on her lunch break and for some unknown reason I became really just aggravated and my voice was not very nice to her. She called me up later that day to tell me it was over for good.She said she "needed time." I asked her how much, she said she didn't know. I told her I'm sorry and that I'd wait for her. She said not to wait because she doesn't know if she'll ever be back. I was completely hurt, and took it pretty tough on myself.I wrote her a 5 page letter the next week explaining everything, my feelings and my apologies. There was no response to the letter.Fast forward to about two weeks ago she contacted me via phone and said she would like to speak with me after she got out of work. She came to my house that night with the intentions apparently "fixing our relationship" but I had no idea that was the intention, I just thought she wanted to be friends and act like everything was cool (which is what I thought and I didn't feel like talking to her at all). She left my house and nothing was accomplished.The next day we spoke to each other and decided to hang out. We hung out for the day but she was very hesitant to even hug or kiss me (I was trying to amend everything). I asked her when we could be together again and she said "I need more time." I haven't spoken to her since that day 2 weeks ago and I am still crushed.The other day I did very late night laundry (I have to pass her house to get to the laundramat)and her car wasn't there the whole night. And, other people have told me that the reason she left me because she thinks she was holding me back (whatever that means, in all honestly it was the complete opposite, she was pushing me and helping me achieve everything I wanted, a great support system). I don't know what to think anymore. I love her dearly but I cannot stand the thought of her out with another person. It broke my heart even more to see her car not there and it breaks my heart even more to not know where everything stands.She knows how to contact me, so the balls in her court if she ever wants to contact me, but what should I do? Ever since she has left me I haven't been sleeping right and my life (once prospering towards goals) has completely been shattered. I am sluggish to do anything now. Some advice, any, would be great. Thank you to those who actually read the whole thing, lol.
View related questions:
crush, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (12 May 2009):
 I read it all. Yeah that kind of stuff can happen. It happens to the best of us.
Basically I think that maybe the relationship that you two had basically has run its course. Its safe to say that she has in fact moved on. I think as hard as it is, making yourself crazy wondering what she is doing will eat you alive.
I think once you didn't receive any response form the letter, it was a clear signal that it was over for good.
The "I need time" and "keeping you back" routine is a lame attempt to let you know she was seeking other company, as she probably just found someone else. Yeah I know that is cruel too. But she just wanted to keep you on a leash until she decided whether or not the next guy she was interested in was worth chucking 3 years away on.
J.M.O. of course, so take it for what it is. But it seems pretty clear cut.
You are young, and have your whole life ahead of you. I know 3 years is a long time, but it will get better, and you will meet someone else.
A
female
reader, Divine6  +, writes (12 May 2009):
Hey Annon
If you really love her as much as you say you do then you need to show her that you know what your downfalls are and show her that you are actively working on changing them. Saying it is not enough. Believe me, im a female who has been in a relationship like that and gave an Ex so many chances to treat me better until the words meant nothing because there was no real action backing them up. He lost me for that very reason. Accepting and taking responsibility for your actions is the first big step and now that you have, you need to really work on changing the way you communicate to her. You already know the way you are currently reacting is not working for either of you so you need to do things differently. Its hard work to change your ways i know but it will be well worth the effort when you are both getting what you want and need from the relationship. Maybe start small and send her a nice positive txt message everyday saying something like "was thinking bout you, hope your having a nice day." If she calls you, keep it light be nice and dont jump on her if she says something you dont like. She needs to be reminded of the man she feel inlove with, not the reason that she left. Please dont forget that when you make a change it has to be for good. not just a few weeks. You have to break the old negative habits and introduce the new positive ones. I promise that if you work on yourself everyday that you will be a better man for it. I wish you the very best and i hope it all works out for you
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (12 May 2009):
 Firstly, sorry you feel so bad - it is a pretty difficult time for you now, but remember that it won't always be like this - you'll get through it and be happy again, whether with her or someone else. I tend to think it will probably be with someone else, though, because I get the impression she just feel crushed in the relationship by your changing moods. That was just the effect you had on her - you won't have that effect on everyone, and you need someone who will stop you being like that. Of course, you also need to stop it, too - because you see that a bit of not talking, being mean, being bad-tempered, here and there, over time really affects your partner. She's now probably over-sensitive to your moods, but it has probably really depressed her over time.
I don't know if there's any chance of getting back with her - I think your best hope is to email her what you've put on the site here! It pretty well describes your feelings. Just change 'she/her' to 'you' and send it :)
...............................
|
