A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if I should marry my boyfriend...We have been dating for almost a year, and I really enjoy his company. He is kind, thoughtful, fun, and we have very similar backgrounds and ideas on life. However, I have never had those "butterflies" about him. We started hanging out and things progressed, and now he talks about marriage quite often. The thought of marriage has always scared me becuase I am afraid that I'll marry and then when it's too late, I will meet "the one", who gives me butterflies and is my perfect match. I know those butterflies fade however for most people after time, so how important are they since I never had them with him to begin with? On the other hand, I don't want to lose him and then never find someone as good either. I am not getting any younger either... I will be 29 next year. I would appreciate any solid advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): i can only tell you that i have not had butterflies when i met my hubby. maybe i was just too boring.
no butterfles = no love??? that is not true. i am married for almost 18 yrs, and still having GREAT sex with him, have 2 kids and just trying to enjoy life together. sometimes it's the quiet something in our lives that make it worth while. that quiet something that brings peace, tranquility, smiles and sometimes tears as well. perhaps its called love. i don't know. what i do know is that butterfles do not make a marriage. it's what you put into the marriage. it's ok to question, it's ok to find gaps. its how we react and work on these gaps. show me a perfect marriage and i will tell you that it is a false one.
we all have our problems some more than others but it is how we deal with them that counts. you should not be getting married because of your age (29 yrs) but because it just feels right - butterfleis or not.
also know this, sometimes when we marry we actually do not LOVE our partners. it is only through time that we start loving them. it's like dating and falling in love while being married. that is not so bad. it's disovering new things about each other. in my almost 18 yrs i am discovering new things about me being a married woman (my hubby cannot understand that after i hit 35 my sex drive is on an altime HIGH. HE actually complains that i am breaking his back (and knees)LOL. So too, i am discovering new things about my very imperfect man (who matched his imperfect wife, by the way).
so life is a process of falling in love while being married, sometimes falling out of love and then back in love. going through the hurdles and overcoming burdens. marriage is also full circle, sometimes no actual beginning and no actual end.
talk to him, tell him your fears, see whether he has the same or similar feelings. it's ok if you guys differ. are you compatible. can you live without him. (when ia m angry with my hb, i tell him that i can and will do without him, but i am sure its just lies, and said in the heat of the moment). i notice that you two can laugh together as well. just add some mischief in your conversation to give it that extra spark.
good luck and remember, in life if you want something you have to work at it. it sometimes doesn't come easy but it can be easily lost if not protected. so let your hair down today, make time to look extra pretty, wear something sexy, and invite your man for a passion filled evening.
marriage will happen when it is right. for now, right now, enjoy the moment. the moment is just to precious to let go.
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