A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:She asks "Would you like a biscuit" - I answer "yes please, just one" - "but you normally have two" - "yes but I'm not hungry, just one would be nice" - "You don't like my biscuits ?" - "yes but I'm not hungry" - "I've spent all this time cooking these biscuits, you don't have any consideration for me, you never do" - storms off in a huff and slams the door. It seems now that she comes into every conversation with her fists up and communication is becoming impossible. What is going on ??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 November 2014):
 There is very little information to go on here, including your ages, but based on what you've submitted I'd say your wife was either a prepubescent child or grown woman who lacks the maturity to speak up and be clear about what's on her mind.
We all need validation and reassurance now and again, but I suspect your wife is too proud to admit it so she gains hers by doing favours. The more you appreciate the favours (in this case the more cookies you eat) the more loved and useful she feels.
I wouldn't chase and coddle her. Instead I'd be very matter of fact and simply tell her if there is something on her mind, she should should be clear and direct about it. Then go about your business. If she wants to discuss this as adults, she knows where to find you.
On a more personal note, the exchange you described would have irritated me. I would probably told her I appreciated the cookies, but not all the unnecessary prattling and complaining that went along with them.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (14 November 2014):
 How does your exchange - with your G/F - compare to this one, which I might have with mine:
G/F: "Would you like a biscuit?"
Me (you): "yes please, just one"
G/F: "but you normally have two"
Me (maybe, you?): Listen, B@#*ch, I said "one" and I meant "one".... when I want YOU to do my thinking for me... and tell me just how hungry I am... I'll send you and e-mail and ask for you input. Meanwhile, I suggest you content yourself that I consumed those two, last week, because I knew if I didn't, that I wouldn't "get any" when we went to bed, later. To be perfectly honest.... I don't know WHO told you that you know how to bake... but you DON'T... and these darn biscuits are far better suited to be used as door stops than as a table consumable. NOW, are you going to get the darn thing for me? ... and let me eat it in peace?.... or am I going to have to endure still more of your B/S?????"
Follow my example, and you won't have to put up with this again... II GUARANTEE IT!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 November 2014):
 Something else is bothering her, MASSIVELY. But she think you should be able to READ her mind by now, so she is pulling these little passive-aggressive "arguments" to show her displeasure with your mind reading skills.
Did you miss a birthday or anniversary lately? If not, simply ask her what's up. That you have noticed lately that things are a little off, and you are unsure what YOU did "wrong".
If she tells you "nothing is wrong" then maybe, this is who she is? And that won't change.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (14 November 2014):
 I suspect she's unhappy with many things about you.
If she's acting like this now, you can expect this kind of behaviour to continue because this is how she communicates. You're in for a rocky ride with this relationship. Are you prepared to be treated like this?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (14 November 2014):
Oh, my. You have apparently not paid attention to SOMETHING that is important to her, and now it has come down to the biscuit.
I agree with the others, this really isn't about the biscuit. It is about something else, and you must ever so gently probe to discover what that something else is, exactly.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): I agree this probably is about more than the biscuit. Talk to her and figure out what you have done to upset her and remedy it if possible.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 November 2014):
 You don't list your age, which makes things difficult, because the sometimes the back story for a young guy in his 20s will be vastly different to that of a guy in his 50s.
But never mind ... I'll do my best.
Either she is a crazy control freak (probably not) or you have recently misread a situation and your response to that situation has been read as a lack of consideration.
So you need to open up the lines of communication, let her know that you realise you have erred somewhere, but not being a mind reader and not owning a crystal ball you need her to TELL you what you have done to upset her so much.
If she comes back with a "you should know" type of comment, ask her how you should know, tell her you don't like her being upset, you want to resolve the problem, you want to fix whatever IT is that you have done, but you can't fix IT if you dont know what IT is.
Give her a few days if necessary, and if she appears not willing to resolve the problem, and continues with the stone walling and lack of communication ask yourself how long you can live like that and consider your options.
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