A
male
age
51-59,
*aver
writes:It's a long conveluted story, but in a nutshell: my wife suffers from bipolar disorder. it had not been properly diagnosed until recently but we've been dealing with it since we dated(7yrs total-3.5 married) We both have had the same number of partners prior to our relationship and it all occurred in serious relationships for both of us. Sex is held in high regard. 8 months ago she reconnected with a boyfriend from when she was 13 yrs old. Their relationship was not serious at that age and intimacy was minimal(kissing, etc). She hid the fact that they found each other on Myspace and began to speak to him on a regular basis for a month or so. We always had trust so nothing she did made me suspicious and I rarely asked who she was talking to. She's a big girl and talks to whomever. This is the type of security and trust we had. My 2 best friends are girls and one of her best friends is a guy. We never had any issues of mistrust once we married. She told me she was going to see a friend in another state(female best friend). I was fine with that so long as it didnt interfere with my work schedule because with her gone, Id have our 2 yea old alone and needed to make certaion I was free from work responsibilities. Apparently, the talking she and her xxx bfriend was doing consisted of him lauding over her and telling her that she is the reason that he never got into a serious relationship because he was waiting for them to find each other again, etc, etc. For unexplaned reasons, she told him right from the beginning that she was divorced. Instead of going to see her friend in one state, she went and saw him in another. Withon hours of arriving at his house they were in his bedroom on his bed making out and touching each other. This led to clothes coming off and, without any serious foreplay, unprotected sex. No condom, no birth control, etc. She stayed overnight and came home later the next day. I had no idea at first. There were subtle things that I picked up on that eventually led me to the truth and her confession. We had been in a bit of a rut and our intimacy was at a low point, but she instigated intersourse with me a few days later. Also unprotected, but she was my wife. Its okay for us. There were a couple of weeks in there when we thought she was pregnant. I didnt know, but she was out of her mind about it because she wouldnt know whose it was. She did not turn out pregnant. Shortly ater this time period, I found out what happened. She is mortified over it and cant even understand HERSELF why she did it. There are parts that she doesnt remember well either. Like how the sex with him ended, withdrawl, internal, no ejaculation at all, ahe has no idea. We separated after another 2 months in which I tried valiantly to be the perfect husband even though I had yet to deal with my feelings. She was still miserable, even more so than before because the nicer I was the more she felt she didnt deserve it. She is very hard on herself over it. She should be. Ive dealt with and gotten past the emotional aspect of what happened(her thinking she was in love with someone else), Ive dealt with and accepted the premeditated lies that accompanied the weekend, I CAN NOT, in any way shape or form deal with or get past the physical aspect of it. Another man(a scumbag) had his penis erect and in my wife, and then drove it in and out of her unprotexted, likely until he orgasmed and ejactualted inside of her.(let me mention that she nor I had ever had unprotected sex with any other partner, ever).This sexual encounter began with caressing, kissing, fondling, rubbing, disrobing,..all of which, combined with the sex, is impossible for me to accept or get past(certainly not forgive or forget). The big question is...how the hell can I get past something that haunts me every waking moment and many nights in my dreams(nitemares). Shes at her moms with our son. Everytime I have to see her all I see is her naked with him opening her legs and laying down in between them. I am considerate and cooperative even though I am so mad I could literally explode. I pick up my son on the weekends and see her then. i love her so much and never in my life believed in the one true love concept, until i met her. I knew I had found where I belonged, and she said the same. It is totally unnatural and wrong being apart from her and she feels the same way, but I feel destined to be alone and miserable because I CAN NOT change my feelings on what happened. Its a line that I draw in my head that once you cross it, there is no coming back. Does anyone know how to truly deal with your true love having sex with someone else in a way that she only had with me, ever?
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best friend, condom, divorce, ejaculation, foreplay, kissing, myspace, orgasm, period, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): OMG I feel so sorry for you, I have had a similiar situation but it was my husband who did the the dirty on me, it is horrible to deal with and I think you will need councilling to help you get over this and the images, I recently replied to and read the story by James45 on October the 28th " My life of devastion caused by an affair" this was similiar to your story in some ways have read and see if it helps you, I hope you can cope with this and get over it, you sound like a nice man and life will go on, as I said before I have had to get on with life and try and build trust in life again, I wish you all the love, care and hope for the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): I am sorry for what happened to you and that you are suffering with these images. You cannot continue living like this. You need help to get these images cleared from your mind. I suggest go talk to your local doctor and ask him to refer you to a good counselor. If you still love your wife maybe after you have been for counseling you might want tho invite her to join you for counseling and who knows maybe you can forgive and forget and be togehter again or at least you will be freed from these nighmare images and be able to move forward with your life.
Do get professional help to free your mind from these images. You are not doing yourself any good conjuring up these images and it is time to let go of them.
They only way to look forward to a healthy future is to let go of these images. A counselor will be able to guide you and assist you in lettign go and making peace.
Good luck, look towards a bright tomorrow.
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