A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am a 20 year old virgin in college which is tough. But I think my time may be coming. I have A LOT of questions (sorry, and thanks to anyone who reads it all) help on any would be appreciated. Anyways I hear all this about women having a hard time having orgasms, and that it is near impossible for them to have one via intercourse only. So I was wondering what to do. Must you always use oral or manual stimulation to get them to orgasm, and exactly how do you do that? Do you do it before sex and if so, do you go all the way until they orgasm and then have intercourse or just do it for a while until they are really aroused then have intercourse and and orgasm should then come through intercourse? Or do it after intercourse if they have yet to have an orgasm? And how do you tell when a woman has an orgasm? And to all women around college age, what exactly do most men do? Do they succesfully give you orgasms? Do they manual/orally stimulate you? How often do you fake orgasms? And if you don't have one and don't fake it what does the man do, does he just get himself off and not worry about it or what?
View related questions:
orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): you don't always have to use oral or manual stimulation to reach an orgasm. more than likely you may feel uncomfortable your first time, so chances are that oral or manual will bring you to orgasm faster than intercourse by itself, but it is possible to orgasm solely through intercourse.
the order in which you go about oral to manual to intercourse, or any combination of the three, really just depends on your rythmn if you will. it can be painfull for some to have intercourse before adequately aroused, so it might be a good idea to start out with him teasing you with light touches or oral, whatever turns you on really. that or you can use lubricants, but you should stick with a water-based one. ky is a good brand.
you can tell when a woman orgasms because the kegel muscles will contract and relax continuously until she has finished orgasming (this usually lasts around ten seconds, give or take). if you don't know what kegel muscles are, try stopping the flow while urinating. the muscles you use to stop it are the kegel muscles. the stronger those muscles are the more intense orgasms ou will have. you can do muscle workouts for that area by clenching and relaxing, and the best part is that no one will know when you're doing it so you can strengthen your kegel muscles any time. faking an orgasm can make a man feel inadequate so i wouldn't recomend faking to make him feel good about himself. when men find out they usually get angry and might cause a fight.
just as personal experience, depending on who you're with, a boyfriend who cares about you will try to make sure you're comfortable. you should keep in mind that sex is nothing like it is portrayed in the movies. until both you and your partner have experimented alot with each other, you won't know their body like the back of your hand and neither will they. it is important to keep comunication lines open before, during, and after sex. let them know what will feel better, what doesn't work, and what does. they will think they're doing the right thing if you fake satisfaction, so don't lead them on even if you feel pressured to get it over with. it is better to just whisper in their ear sexily what you want them to do to you than to fake an orgasm and risk a fight.
hope this helps even a little bit. you should check out this site for more answers:
http://www.femaleorgasmrevealed.com/femaleorgasm/
if you scroll down, on the right margin of the page you can navigate around the site on different topics and subscribe to her emails.
have a blessed day
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I think oral and manual stimulation before sex is VEERY important, and I always love it if I orgasm (via my clitoris) before he actually penetrates me. This means it will hurt less and I'll be all nice and relaxed and lubed up :] You can do this by rubbing a girls clit gently, or licking it and general oral. However, this takes time. By time I mean around 10 to 15 minutes, so don't just give up easily honey. Sometimes a man has no idea if I woman has had an orgasm, but general signs are looking flushed, shaking, her clit could 'beat like a heart' I've heard (lol), groaning, and if you're performing cunnilingus (oral on her), then you can probably taste/feel the different wetness. My boyfriend and I were still virgins when we had sex for the first time, and we're still together, so we're pretty good at getting to know what each other likes sexually. I often do orgasm, but not from actual penetration. This is why I greatly appreciate it when he gives me oral or manual stimulation first. It makes the whole experience much better :] Although sometimes he makes it a little obvious when he just wants to get himself off, and then concentrates on me lol :] Maybe a few times I have actually faked an orgasm, but this is more to not hurt his feelings. Yep, I know all of you will probably say this is bad, but hey, I don't HAVE to orgasm to enjoy what he was doing, and I wanted to show him I was enjoying it, so I faked it a little. Good luck with everything, and don't forget, the most important thing you could ever remember is to relax her and lube her up (naturally if possible) before penetration. Enjoy :]
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Wow, there are lots of questions there! First, I'd like to say good for you for doing your research, and for recognizing that sex should be pleasurable for both partners. You are most definitely on the right track.
There are many books out there that you can read to learn sexual techniques. That being said, there is no better teacher than experience and you're just going to have to accept that you're new to this and will have to learn through time. You know your body, and I hope that your partner knows hers.
Second, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make everything perfect for the first time. Lighten up a bit, and remember that most sex is better when you have a sense of humor going into it, rather than a laser-beam mentality.
Third, you and your partner on a journey together, and I hope that you both want to enjoy it. She may or may not know what she likes sexually and if she is the same age, she may not have discovered everything that pleases her.
Take a little bit of the pressure off yourself; remember, you're in this together. Have you been fooling around a little already? I hope so, because that will help you learn what she likes and what you like.
I don't speak for all women, but manual and/or oral stimulation is very, very nice and quite necessary for orgasm for most women. She may not know what she likes yet--that'll be for you to help her with, but ultimately, it is up to her to know her own body and its responses. As far as the exact timing of everything, you should be working that out with her. Personally, I think if she has an orgasm first, and it's her first time for intercourse, that will definitely help with lubrication and relaxation. Now, if you're both worried about what's going to happen, she may find it hard to relax, let go and allow her body to enjoy itself. Too much thinking 'oh, I've just got to come' is a sure-fire way of inhibiting orgasm. Have her show you how she pleasures herself--this may be a bit tough for her but if you make it clear that you find it sexy, rather than clinical, she should be able to show you.
Give her and yourself time to play and enjoy, being a bit lighthearted about it is not a bad thing in this case. It should be fun!
One more thing, for me, when I was your age, the way I touched a man was the way I wanted to be touched. You might get your cues from the way she's touching you...
I'd say your partner is a lucky woman to have such a man for a romantic partner. Sorry for not being specific about when, what, where, but there is a lot of information out there already on technique. What I'm focusing on here is your mental attitude to the encounter.
Relax, laugh, enjoy, explore, and for heaven's sake, lighten up on yourself!
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 You can read all those technics and detailed answers online by 'Google' all those questions.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): I wouldnt obsess on her absuletely having an orgasm (or you either). Just do what feels natural and make an effort to stimulate her clit with either your mouth or hand. Your probably not gonna make her orgasm the first time around but the more often you do it you will be able to fiqure out her likes and dislikes.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 okay, i think you're worrying much too much.
The problem is, all women are different. Some enjoy being rubbed, some enjoy being licked and so on.
Having sex with someone you're in a relationship with makes it easier to ask "what would you like me to do?" in terms of sexual pleasure. I've never had casual sex, so it's probably less easy to be open but you should be anyway.
Everyone wants to be pleasured right? If a woman isn't giving out subtle hints as to what she wants (e.g. Guiding your hand or whatever, or gasping when something feels good.) then it really will be easier to ask.
As for when? That's depending on the individual too. Before sex, after sex, during sex. It all feels good. I think a guy pleasuring you to orgasm after sex feels better for me, but i like it anyway. Being able to orgasm during sex is good too and this is usually done by either the guy, or the girl providing stimulation for the clit during sex - which is only really possible in certain positions.
I've let my boyfriend not worry about giving me an orgasm a few times - i can feel sexually satisfied through intercourse without actually orgasming but only every now and then, so it's always a good idea to make sure your partner is pleasured.
But, as i said before, if you're in the middle of something and you're not sure what to do - simply ask whoever you're with what they want. It's easy to make this sexy and like a tease, so it works well.
Either way, you have to realise that things don't always run smoothly in the bedroom but as long as you're willing to not let yourself be embarassed by things then you'll be fine. It really is practice makes perfect when it comes to sex. You sound like you're a very compassionate person who wants to please, which is definitely a good trait in a lover, so i'm sure things will be fine. You ARE worrying far too much and making things more complicated than they need to be. The more you worry, the worse you'll make it for yourself. So just relax, whatever happens happens.
Good luck, i hope this long rambling answer helped lol
best wishes
x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): I think it's great that you have a lot of questions, and the fact that you are so concerned about how to make a woman happy shows that you will be a wonderful lover. However, you might want to relax a little bit -- you are young and you have many years to explore all these questions and scenarios. I think one of the most important things to being a good lover is to relax and have fun, and let whatever happens be okay. You first time having sex is going to be overwhelming enough without you adding all this to the mix.
For you specific questions, yes it's true that women don't orgasm as easily as men do. A lot of women don't orgasm from intercourse, and a lot of women will also be nervous with a new lover so may not orgasm the first time. A lot of women can not orgasm and still love the sex. So whatever happens, just don't make her (or you) feel pressured about it - because pressuring someone to perform in bed is the easiest way to ruin the experience.
Manual and oral stimulation are good ways to help a woman reach an orgasm. Just remember to be gentle. You should be able to tell what a woman likes by the way she responds to what you are doing... if her breathing is getting heavier, if she starts making noises, if subtly she is moving towards your touch or away from it. It's also okay to ask her what she wants and what she likes (just maybe don't ask 1,000 questions the whole time). The fun part about sex is take your time kissing and touching and exploring her body, let her explore yours. You may want to try and give her an orgasm before you have intercourse, because for most men, once you have your orgasm you will be down for the count and not up for much else afterwards.
...............................
A
male
reader, GT500 +, writes (23 February 2008):
ok heres is some good advice to pass on first thing you may be obsessing a little but this is good becase you want the women be pleasured. firstly there is one book "the karma sutra" very good book read it, that's for when you have taken the plunge next buy the lovers guide to sex dvd that will teach you a great deal about how to stimulate her and enjoy it as well enjoy!
...............................
|
