A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can we ever be equal? in the beginning of our relationship me and my boyfriend had an argument and he said we were over because i was having a few drinks with my ex and our mayte, just as friends, my mayte went home because she lived around the corner from me and my ex was sleeping on the couch after fighting with my boyfriend we broke up for the night and i was in tears and my ex boyfriend held me and made me feel really good about myself, a shoulder to cry on but in our drunken state it became more than that, we didnt have sex or even get nakid but he fingered me and i made him cum without even going into his pants, i felt terrible and didnt breath a word to my boyfriend when we got back together the next day.eveerything was going fine and we were having a perfect relationship and then i find out hes married but they had been separated all the time we were seeing eachother as he got a divorce very quickly. so then i believe were equal. but then i cheated on him again nothing in person but had some msn fun, with a guy who told my boyfriend everything that had happend with my ex, this being still towards the begging of our relationship i know i was very immature then and i was foolish and i shudnt have so i spent the next 4 months trying to be perfect doing anything to avoid a fight and then suddenly out the blue my boyfriend ignores me and this carries on for a while so im thinking oh no somehthing terrible has happend but it hadnt he had met some woman and they had sex and after many tears and shouting and screaming we admitted we both love eachother im due to see him very soon and im willing to never let the past effect us again.the only problem i have is once you are equal, do you stay equal forever. once the trust has been lost can you learn to trust again? i know i am entirely at fault here and the pain i felt has taught me never ever to cheat again. i love this man more than life itself towards the beggining i was foolish but this man is my world i tried to move on and i tried to hate him but hating him i began to hate myself because i love him so much i really really need some advice on this i cannot get over him and i do not want too.his reason for doing this was because he wanted me to hurt as much as he hurt reading every little detail of my past mistake and if i had been with him if he hadnt of been working away then he would never have done this. in relationships can the past ever stay the past or will it forever determin the future?
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broke up, divorce, drunk, got back together, immature, move on, msn, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jay12toes  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 you both ahve put yourselves in a very bad situation, one that cannot be easily fixed. because you both cheated then it will be difficult for either of you to trust each other. in my opinion you would be better off letting him go, but i understand thats not what you want to hear so i will be as helpful as i can. first of all you need to be honest with him, no secrets. he probably feels like he cant trust you so if he finds out youv been lying about anything else he will probably blow it out of perportions. and you need to tell him he needs to be honest too. you need to both sit down and discuss how much you love eachother and what you both need in order for the relationship to work. but remember to stay calm, dont get too worked up or things might escalate into an argument. i hope iv been helpful.
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