A
female
age
26-29,
*erseygirl
writes:I need help with my boyfriend and his family. I met my boyfriend through my best friend. My boyfriend is her brother. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few weeks but I feel like I want to be with him for the rest of my life. He is everything I want in a guy.But the sticking point is his sister. She is my old best friend. Now she hates me now because she thinks I want to get back together with my ex. She thinks this because my ex sent her messages I had previously sent him when I was trying to figure out when I could give him his stuff back. In those messages I said that I missed him and wanted to know if he wanted to hang out. But I meant it as I missed him as a friend and wanted to hang out as friends, not as boyfriend, since I havent seen him since he and I broke up. I am friends with all my exs, so I didn't think it would have been a problem. But when she saw the messages both her and my ex thought I meant I wanted to get back with my ex, which I didnt. No matter what I say my boyfriend's sister will not listen. She told me that I screwed everything up and that she was going to tell her brother and that she would never want to be friends with someone like me. And other very hurtful things. When she said this stuff I immediatly called my boyfriend to explain and he understood and he is fully siding with me, rather then his sister I really care for her brother but this situation has messed me up physicaly and emotionally and I just don't know what to do. I dont know if this is going to get better or if it will never work out the way I want it to. What should I do????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): I have seen this situation a number of times before. Fact is if you truly love your boyfriend, try to see it from his sister's side. She love's her brother and thinks someone is trying to hurt him and not just someone, but someone she trusted and she is probably feeling betrayed. I have seen this with my own brother's girlfriend. Now although my parents are civil to her, they can't stand her because they love their children and she is the reason that two of their children are at war. It will take time, but try and see that she loves her brother, and doesn't want him to get hurt. Also in any friendship, a girl will always chose her family over a friend she sees as trying to hurt one of them. Give it some time, and try to think not only of how your feeling, but of how the other people around you are feeling. Talk to her, and whatever you do don't be nasty to her, because the more you or your boyfriend/her brother are like that the more convinced she will be that you are trying to hurt him and destroy her family, and that will only makes things work. Your ex is the one to blame in all this, get rid of his stuff and cut all ties with him, it's the only way.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (2 May 2011):
Stay calm. As soon as she sees you and your boyfriend stay together, she will give up this non-sense. All you have to do is keep your position, you are being honest so give them time to realize they are wrong. Also I would recommend cutting all contact with your ex as soon as he has his stuff back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): It is strange that your supposed best friend does not believe you. Does she have exes of her own? Maybe the way she deals with exes (or imagines she would deal with them) is very different from you.Make sure your ex is very clear that you will only consider being friends and do not want to get back with him because you have found someone new that you love.The most important thing is that your boyfriend believes you and is on your side. Hopefully your ex will back off when you have made things clear with him. Then after some time your best friend should be able to see the light.
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