A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 years old and at my ropes end. I got out of a really serious relationship about 2 years ago. I gave it my all and when it ended I was devastated. I felt I couldn't get emotionally attached to anyone for a very long time. I dated randomly but cared about no one and I needed and liked it to be that way. Then I met one guy in particular. We have quite a few friends in common. He got my number from a mutual friend and would constantly phone me to hang out and watch movies. Most times I was bored so I would go along with it. After a few weeks of hanging out he told me he liked me, but I told him I wasn't ready for anything serious. Infact I was still dating other guys. I made no effort whatsoever, I never contacted him, it was always him phoning me. He persisted, he would constantly phone me to hang out and I'm sorry to say that since I was still getting over my ex, I loved the distraction. However, I was always honest with him about my feelings and he chose to stick around. Eventually he grew on me and I really started to like him. Things became more serious. A physical relationship started too. He told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend but I still didn't feel ready for that. 7 months of us being together, I finally felt ready to work through my issues with my ex because I really cared about this guy and I wanted to be able to give him a proper relationship, what he deserved. But it came too late. He said he couldn't be with me anymore, he'd been moving away from me emotionally it seems. Plus he was stressed out about work and had alot of things going on. He always puts so much pressure on himself to make money, provide for a family etc.I have no one to blame but myself, but I really want a second chance with this guy. We stopped hanging out and I knew that I couldn't harass him or seem desperate so I didn't contact him. When I was about ready to give up, he called to hang out, this was about after a month of no contact. But then he couldn't make it. He phoned me again the following week, in the middle of the night when he was drunk. I could hear he was upset and didn't know what to say. I got the impression he wanted to hear my voice.After that, we didn't contact eachother at all, then a few days ago (this is 4 months after things had ended) he phoned me, drunk out of his mind...he'd been out partying with his friends then left and came driving around my area. He came over and made all kinds of confessions. He said he really missed me and the reason he disappeared is because he was in a strange headspace, and he also felt as though he wasn't good enough for me and he wanted to get his life together. I asked him if that's the only reason he disappeared and he said it was. He also told me he hasn't been with anyone else in this time period. He said he finally knew what he wanted and now he was ready for things again.I slept over at his place that night. He invited me to a party the next day...I went with him but things felt awkward. He switched off...he implied that he wants me to move in with him but as friends. He told me he wants to be friends and that he couldn't remember what he'd said the night before, he was too drunk. (Personally I think he was lying, when we were together he'd confess things to me when drunk, and the next day he'd apologize but said he always spoke the truth when he was drunk)It really hurt.I don't know what to believe or think anymore. I know how he felt about me once, he tried so hard and did everything for me, he was amazing. I can't accept that I don't get a second chance to make things right. Can I get him back? Or is it too late? I'm so worried that maybe NOW that he's seen me after so long, things don't feel the same for him and he may move on.Please help
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