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male
age
41-50,
*mile(:
writes:So I enjoy answering questions here on dearcupid when I have spare time. The thing is they are mostly about relationships gone wrong/problems/etc. I was wondering if people would post about relationships they are in or have been in where things have been right, and tell how things where right, and how/what kept things that way. Details are appreciated, examples are too (I like cute moments). And any advice or general statements you think other people might find useful (also gives me examples and ideas for answering other people's questions). If the relationship is in the past, maybe include common pitfalls, though I would like to keep it more upbeat (whatever you write is cool).Really: What goes into a great relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Love this question!!
Well...Iv known my boyfriend for the last 14 yrs...so thats more than half my life!! He was in love with me since the 9th grade...and i wasn't...but somehow we ended up together after I got out of a relationship where I was cheated on and almost on the verge of self-destruction. The guy I was with was a NIGHTMARE.He was a typical player and I was a fool to believe him. But then, life isint all a bed of roses...and iv learnt from my mistakes.
My boyfriend literally saved me from the aforementioned devil. He was in love with me all along...yes...all these yrs...and it was hell for him to watch me go through whatever i did...but he got me out of it. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. What makes us work? Well...I'm thankful to have him in my life! There are days when we fight like crazy, but at the end of it, Iv realized that there is no point arguing over silly issues. Leave your ego behind...it doesnt matter who says sorry first...just say it...kiss and make up!
Communicate with each other. Talk, talk, talk. And it should come naturally...it should never be forced. It takes just a minute to call and say...I love you and Iv been thinking about you....no matter how busy you are. But it makes the other person's day!!
Go out, spend time with each other, take the effort to dress up and look good. Brunch/coffee/dinner...anything with just the two of you. No friends tagging along. My boyfriend gifts me roses for no reason at all. It makes my day...!!
If you love the other person, you will automatically respect them. Thats the most important part...respect them for who they are.
Keep in mind that arguing and fighting just deplete your time and energy. If I feel I'm getting mad at him about something, I just dont talk to him for that span of time. Its much better to say..."look..I dont want to end up fighting...Il talk to u later"...than getting into a mess, saying things in anger and then repenting.
Iv realized that I'm incomplete without my boyfriend,and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found him. That keeps me going.
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male
reader, JayTKnight  +, writes (29 November 2010):
I couldnt read all the post i just had to type and tell everyone that my relationship is amazing. It's been crap at time but i love my girl. :) She's the best, she always so bubbly and has a smile like :)))))))))))))) that big everytime she see's me so i know i'm wanted and she cant stop bouncing. She really reminds why i said yes to her, every time i see her y'know? Plus she good gifts, not that i need em, or want them, but i always get suprise, i feel as if i'm not enough for her.
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female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Keep in mind that this site is for people to post there problems on here, which is why it's likely you're going to encounter plenty of negative stories as opposed to happy ones. I understand how it can make one cynical though :/
Go on www.lovegivesmehope.com , it has some cute stories :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): my boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. We started out as friends, and as such he told me way too much about his ex girlfriends and things, like him wanting to be back with one of them, etc.
But besides all that, something about him just made me want to spend more time with him. I told myself I wasn't falling for him but I wasn't eating, sleeping, but I just had him on my mind all the time! He started sitting in class with me and going out to eat with me and my sister, and it was just harmless. I never wanted it to go further, and in my mind it wouldn't. But then he started hinting around, making crude little funny jokes and we would laugh all the time we were together. Then as I realized he stopped talking about other girls and only me, I knew he was interested. Then some time, something clicked and he was all I wanted as well. so he'd come over and watch movies, and one night, I had the courage to put my head on his shoulder. The next time, I took it a step further, and we stroked hands. Then, (and this is when it gets RACY!!) we HELD hands!!!!
To skip ahead, we started dating on New Year's Eve, which is the most romantic night of the year in my opinion! The things that make this relationship worthy of our time and our lives is many things.
We have similar thoughts on things like religion, politics, society. This makes for a nice conversation that doesn't end up heated.
We talk things out when we don't agree. We don't hasten to make the other feel bad about the differences, we try to see it from the other person's view.
We treat the other person as we would like to be treated. Many times when I'm irritable or just plain tired of something, I will stick through it if he's having a bad day or needs to vent. It's small things like this that can really make the other person appreciate your company and allows you to make it a loving, caring relationship.
We have had problems, like all people do, but ours focused mostly on trust issues. It has been issues that I have had, but he has proven to me by many ways that he is trustworthy, and willing to help me through my issues. He has even stuck by me when I'm sure others would be fed up, and he has stuck up for me when others have something negative to say about me or my issues. That proved that he would do anything to make me happy, no matter the cost.
I, in turn would do that for him.
We have so much fun together, and it's really all about how you see life. We find joy in the smallest of things, and turn simpple situations into extraordinary ones just by our attitudes. We have so many inside jokes from random outings together, or just being at home cracking jokes and having fun. I love when he tickles me or picks me up and carries me through the house. I'm no tiny stick either so he is doing some lugging! But I love him for the simple ways he shows me he loves me.
Sure we've had rough times, times I didn't think we'd pull through, but in the end we decided that the fighting and the issue wasn't worth splitting us apart. We made the decision to stay together and try again, and I am glad that we did. WE know how much fun we can have, and how much great friends we are to each other.
Another thing I think about is how close you are to a person. If one person needs their space, and the other wants to be clingy then there can be a problem. But if you recognize the person is only showing love and needing affection, then it helps you to understand, and not be annoyed by the behaviour. Also some people are just both clingy so they find that they are perfect for each other in that aspect. Others who are distant, may need a distant partner as well. There is certainly someone for everyone.
At the end of the day, it is really about how you feel with that person, and who you are with them. It is about wanting to enrich thier lives as well as sharing your future with them. It is about wanting to give love, expecting nothing in return. Give, and you shall receive.
I hope that one day we both finish college and can be financially ready to get married. I am happy with life right now though, and am not worried about the future too much. I have my wonderful man now and I am thankful for each day God gives me on this earth. I am so thankful for a wonderful relationship and I have a feeling it will last much longer.
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reader, The Realist  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 The answer to your question is a great deal of effort. Working with your partner and not just for yourself.
My gf and I have been together for around a year and a half and things are going really well. We have had some really rough times where I didn't think we would make and she felt the same way but we worked through it. The problems weren't just pushed away and we're not together just because we have been together for this long. There is an actual drive to be together and to solve our problems.
A common pitfall is jealousy, you must trust your partner even if you do not trust someone they are friends with. I hang out with a lot of girls because I generally don't fit in with a group of guys and I know she does get uncomfortable with it but we know that who ever we are friends with we trust each other and I never worry about how she is around other guys.
I think the cutest thing we have is that we can make so many jokes about each other which would take so long to explain but it's the fact that we can joke around and be passionate at the same time.
Something to leave you on, and I hope it comes out right is that your partner should be a very good friend but should be something that a friend could never be. I've always thought people who just marry a friend would never be happy and I see that it's basically true. The one you marry needs to be a friend second and a lover first even though the two aren't that far apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): My current relationship is amazing. I think I have found a man that treats me right, puts me first, adores me, thinks of me, is faithful, open .. and hes gorgeous. :)
One thing about us, is that we were just friends for about a year before things changed. He used to talk to me about the girls he was dating or issues that came up. So I already knew him, with no false pretenses.
When things changed, it was him who initiated the flirting, took me a few months to decide that, yeah, this guy really likes me for me.
Up to that point we had enjoyed time together, talking about pretty much everything, and we laughed ... alot.
Things happened, he gave me what I call wow moments. Little things that he said that just blew me away. One of the first was that he went out for his birthday, he came home and called me and said ... what did you do to me ? I was shocked by the question, and he said, why cant I get you out of my head ?
We became exclusive after that. There was something there for both of us.
It took about 8 months before we slept together, we both wanted it, and it definetley took our relationship to the next level.
6 months later I met his family, and 6 months after that he got down on his knees and proposed.
We are both very commited to each other, and to the wonderful relationship that we have.
I think though, alot of it is, that I like him. I like being with him, I enjoy his company. I think alot of people are in love with the idea of being in love. For me, I think you have to actualy like the person too.
Even though we fit well together, have the basics down, like same goals, ideals, morals and values. We are quite different. Hes adventerous, Im not. Hes a risk taker, Im not. So while he pulls me into the clouds, I keep him grounded. And we work because were both willing to meet in the middle.
Thats my love story, and Im happy to say .. that our story is still getting written every day.
xoxoxoxox
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reader, Deeyawn +, writes (29 November 2010):
Well When Your Horney... You Express It In Romance!! That's A Huge Key To Making A Girl Fall For You!! Get All Cuddly... Then Kissy Then BAM!!! She's Trapped
Also Girls Love Being Talked About, Tell Everyone About Her!!!
And Take Her Places, A Girl Loves Downtown Shopping Centers and Malls
And Make Plans With Her Before Hand... That Way You Dont Seem Clingy (Thats The Cure To Being Clingy)
But Thats All You Get Bro... Charm Runs In My Blood
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Me and my bf have been together for 2 yrs. I don't really know how to explain how we've made it to bring together for 2 yrs.
I guess it's because we like a lot of the same things and we get along great most of the time, yes we have faught but it doesn't ruin our relationship because we just move on from the fights.
Sorry that I didn't know how to really answer your question.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): GREAT Question!
What goes into making a relationship great?
Communication: You have to be able to express yourself, be heard and get good feed back. Learning how to talk to another human is not something folks are born with. Being a good listener is vital, as is understanding the purpose of communication (i.e. just because a woman talks about a problem does NOT mean she's asking the guy to fix it, or even offer advice on how she should fix it...)
Commonality: You have to have something in common. Some kind of belief system, outlook on life, ideas about family, or money or something. You don't have to be the same religion, but if one is spiritual it's good if the other is as well.
Patience & Compromise: It's never about being RIGHT, it's about satisfying both parties needs.
Being available: You must be present to win...
Having a life beyond the relationship: If the relationship is all you have, you'll likely smother your partner.
Healthy outlook on sex: (OK it's important to me!) Both partners need to be giving and willing to work hard at satisfying their partners needs. Reasonable requests should be honored, leave the animals at the zoo.
Sense of humor: Gotta laugh... manditory
Accountability: If you say you're going to do it- do it. Perfection is not required 100% of the time, but the majority.
Similar outlook about finances: Money can be the main cause of issues in a relationship - get on the same page.
That's what came to mind- I'm sure there will be DOZENS of items others will have written that I wish I had.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 November 2010):
 For me, problems come from communication misunderstandings. Never discuss relationship issues on the phone before you sleep. The conversation could go on forever. You lose sleep and your next day gets messed up. Eye contact and facial expression put in a large percentage in communication so when you are not there with each other you miss out on a lot of cues. You can say one thing but the other person took it wrong. Men in general sound very blunt. In an attempt to be honest they come off as insensitive and uncaring so choose your words carefully. Part of the reason why is that men grew up not expressing feelings much. They repress their desires, try to please the woman, and when they feel it's their turn to focus on themselves, they overdo it, over assert themselves and neglected their partner's feelings. Advice for both men and women. First you have to feel comfortable with expressing feelings without scaring the person away. Then let it all out. Do a summary of what you talked about. You have to feel secure enough that even if your loved one blurted out something out of anger and frustration, that emotional processing is necessary and healthy, and not a reflection on how good/bad you did in the relationship. Confirm that you are on the same page. Find things you agreed or disagreed with. Then conclude with everything's gonna be okay. The important thing is to make statements based on behavior, not personality. As long as a relationship gone right, I am still trying to get there. But today this is my thoughts, after talking with my boyfriend for 5 hours.
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reader, kirra07 +, writes (29 November 2010):
Yes, I'm so happy you posted this question! I was getting depressed by all the sad stories on here.
I'll post about my current relationship. Been together close to 2 years now, living together with 1 dog and 3 cats. I wouldn't say that things are completely right, but they're going good. Ups and downs but I think we know we're in it for the long run. I hope so, because we just bought a ring (well, it's being custom made now). And it's odd because he hasn't proposed yet. We just went from looking in at jewellery stores so he could get a sense of what I like, to going into jewellery appointments and trying things on, to him agreeing to get one custom made. And after he did, we were sitting in the jewellery store, and he took my hand and asked me to be common-law with him. I was really touched, but then we decided not to, because financially it would be a bit difficult at the moment. But anyways, things are going well.
I'd say the best thing about us is that we're very lovey dovey. We tell each other we love each other several times a day. We have cute, almost disgusting nicknames for each other that keep on developing, from baby-li-boo, to penguin cat, etc. And we cuddle and kiss each other a lot. It makes us feel close and connected, and it's a great feeling.
And we both like to surprise each other, which has kept the romance alive. He has to travel for work sometimes, so he generally surprises me with a present before or after his trip. Like he left today, and he got me a Snuggie because he wanted something to keep me warm while he was gone. And once he came back early from a trip, left little notes all over town, and made me a scavenger hunt from clue to clue until I finally found him at a restaurant. The little clues were written from the perspective of each of our pets and him, so they were so sweet. I keep them in a box of our special moments together.
I'd say that although our relationship isn't perfect, I'm very happy in it. And will continue to try to make it as good as we can. I think great relationships are ones where both partners decide that they want it to work, and you can just tell that they care about each other and try to do little things to make the relationship better and show each other they care.
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