A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I had a boyfriend a few years back and we'd both never done anything with anyone. when i trusted him, i took my clothes of for the first time in front of him and the first thing he said was "Urgh, youre not like the girls off porn" I was very upset and ran out the room and never spoke to him again... Since then Ive never liked the idea of porn and that so many people watch it. It can make people think that thats what sex is supposed to be like in loving relationships and i dont like the fact its becoming acceptable for so many young people to watch. In my experiance, its changed how people perceive woman and becoming too much of an issue. Is there anything anyone can say to make me feel better about this?
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male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (24 December 2009):
The women in porn are generally more sexually attractive than your average 'real' woman. Much like an Olympian is fitter than the average office worker. Don't be upset at this, porn can just create an unrealistic expectation of the human body.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 "Is there anything anyone can say to make me feel better about this? "About Porrn???[!!!],Really I was waiting for some one, and wanted to think that there is 'one', whose opposition against porn is rock-hard with solid reason. I have reason. And, that other one also have the opposition, may be for different reason. But, I am clear about my reason.In 59 years of my running life, I lived 39 years with 'philosophy', with clear cut definitions that it is science of wisdom, it is rooted from esoteric tradition, and I have learn to honour and worship 'spiritual sexuality'...Where as porn is conspiracy to defame 'spiritual sexuality'. It is against 'love', the word coined by most philosopers and give it the status of 'religion'. Pornographers are not artist or visionary, they are opposite of its real 'worshipable' meaning.I hold porn films as war against sacredness of human spiritual sexuality... and is the reason lay behind my opposition...it is anti-culture, anti-civilization, anti-reason...is all I have to say and said.
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A
female
reader, Leo1989  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 oh honey please dont see porn as a bad thing! it is actually a good thing to watch it aids arousal and it is quite entertaining. this guy of yours was a nasty immature prick if im honest with you. and it was horrible of him to tell you that! especially seeing there is a very slim chance he will see a wonder woman body so to speak. but of course women can have a gorgeous natural body too dont get me wrong. that man is not going to ever get a leg over if he is like that towards women but you my dear will. be proud of your body is what i say!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 I don't see how porn can't have had an influence. It used to be that, to see a picture of a naked woman, a boy had to shoplift a copy of Playboy or Penthouse, and the pics in there were incredibly tame compared to what you can access for free on the internet now. So now, before he's felt up his first girl, he's seen some enhanced chick perform acts no real-world girl he meets is likely to permit.
All that said, very few of us are as clueless as the chap you describe. If you have half a brain, you figure out pretty quickly that a relationship with a living, breathing woman is different than your computer screen. And that if you notice "imperfections" on her body, she's no more likely to appreciate your mentioning them than you would like her to mention your "shortcomings", as it were.
For the most part the people for whom porn is a problem are the people for whom relationships would be a problem regardless. In any event, there's nothing much one can do about it, since porn isn't going to go away. You're quite right to be cautious, to figure out a guy's attitude toward women (and porn) before you let him get too close. There are lots of quality guys left out there whose attitudes toward women haven't been warped by porn, and who are basically good chaps.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 ...and was he hung like a monster donkey, all buff with with six pack abs, and the stamina of a stallion like most the guys in porn? Might be some double standards in his deluded expectations.
In any case, if that is his ideal, well he can rule out most of the female population as suitable sex partners.
His loss ultimately - and on so many more levels than what immediately meets the eye.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 My friend you are so absolutely right! Especially if you start watching at early teenage, when your soul is still pure and vulnerable. You get the wrong impression that how it's supposed to be, you get brain washed. You begin to think that there are a lot of women with that kind of looks and sex appeal out there and you can have a piece. You begin to have high expectations that might never be fulfilled. Next time a man says to you something like "Urgh, youre not like the girls off porn" tell him "Well, look the abs and looks of men that the girls off porn have sex with. You wouldn't stand a chance buddy!" :) Regards!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Wow, what an insensitive jerk. He should've been thankful that you were even willing to show him your body. It sounds like he was too immature to even be in a relationship, especially if he can't see the difference between reality and fantasy.
Many other women share your opposition to porn, but I don't see a problem with it as long as the viewer is mature enough to realize that most of what is played out is fantasy. I do think that too many young people watch it however, especially young men, because porn does often degrade women and it is definitely shaping their minds saying "this is what sex is like" and acting like it is okay for them to treat their girlfriend like that. They are too immature to know what sex should be like (loving & caring).
Anyway, just ignore his childish comment. Find a man who respects you, not some silly little boy who's stuck in fantasy land.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Is he built and hung like the guys in porn? I doubt it.
Your BF sounds like a total dick for saying that out loud too. I'm surprised he really said it even if it crossed his mind.
Porn does give unrealistic expectations about womens bodies and sexual preferences. But the influence of the media on our expectations goes to women too. I know a few guys who have stories about their GF's unrealistic expectations on them. I mean about romance, style, wealth, attention paid to them, etc. Cosmopolitan and romatic movies exert plenty of influence over what women expect of men. Try living up to fictional male characters that are written just to appeal to women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I understand exactly what you mean and no it's not only young inexperienced men my husband thinks the same way you describe. Men, and some women will get on here and say it doesn't change the way they think and it's just fantasy but the truth is, a lot if them don't even question or think about the way porn shape their expectations of women.
Women are expected to accep his rubbish and are accuse if being insecure if they dare challenge it. Even when women go through the hhanges of pregnancy to bring a child into the world they are expected to be ok about their men holding the pre baby body as the ideal.
It doesn't have to be said , men show women the physical traits they value by what they seek and although there is amateur porn the vast majority of the women all fit the porn mold.
I have no answers but can only say that for me the realization of what men are has directed my life choices. I'm married but dint intend staying .....knowing I can never meet the Physical expecations of a man has led me to the decision to live a single life. Why can't I meet the needs? Simple I'm human, I age, I'm female and I have kids.
It might seem extreme but I'll leave him to seek out. Female who looks like his ideal, I'm certain I'll be more fullfilled too.
Best of luck, I guess at the end of the day women either accept this rot or match to the beat of their own drum and reject it,
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (24 December 2009):
 I think inexperienced people who watch porn especially have a warped sense of expectations, because they never, or rarely, encounter normal (not enhanced, not fake, not made up, not on camera, etc.) female bodies. But I think that there are a lot of porn-watching guys that understand that these women are not realistic or women that they will get, they are FANTASIES in themselves. so i think that the guys have an understanding that a girl on an X rated video does not usually look like his girlfriend next door..and I believe that men are attracted to, or accept, the realness of womens' bodies, and they accept flaws or just..all the real stuff, and that it is inexperienced boys that have the woman's body on a fairly unattainable pedestal. The more you get to love someone, the more your love sort of.. envelops a lot of different features, and spills over into their entire body category at some point; I think my virgin bf and I were both weirded out by each others' bodies originally but learned to love all of it once we got used to it. I'd like to hear an Uncle respond to this, though, see if I'm off.
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