A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if it is possible that a devout Catholic male can be friends with a transgender girl (she was born a boy but transition to a girl)?I did not know she was transgender until after we got to know each other. I enjoy her company but I know nothing romantic can come from it due to her being transgender and my religion. But I am wondering if we can remain friends or is the fact that she is transgender and me being Catholic is to big of a deal? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2018): Of course you can be friends with her. Imagine if everybody suddenly decided not to be friends with you just because you are a Catholic... that’s how she would feel if people decided not to be friends with her because she is transgender.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2018): I think the problem lies in the fact that she is probably a very attractive girl and part of you would like a romantic relationship with her.According to your religion its no sex before marriage, so unless you plan on marrying her then this really isnt a problem.Having a sex change is an enormous event in life.I think that the person believes that they are in the wrong body and they take the very drastic step of having a sex change so that they can survive.Some people are born with both genetic male and female parts and the parents usually decide the gender for the child who later may want to correct it to fit in with their own internal perception.Are you planning on getting in her pants or is it all just friendship?If your thinking of sex you would find out what she's like by step by step romantic encounters, first base, second base etc.If you needed to know in advance you should ask her if she has any male parts left, externally or internally, to avoid any unexpected surprises.I could imagine that the womb was possibly surgically made and as such she may not have ovaries.Therefore she would not have periods or babies unless ivf made it possible to implant a foetus that had been artificially inseminated outside of the womb.As I am not scientifically minded I dont know much about this!But if she married you , then you could always adopt a child who needed loving parents although this is a lengthy process.She is not trying to decieve you.She had been honest about her life so I would definately keep her as a friend.The only other scenario that I could imagine is if she is not transexual but terrified of having sex too soon after a series of dire warnings from her family so that she has created this secret to keep your hands out of her pants and no further than around the bra area.I have implied that I have had a change of sexuality just to avoid overamourous males who wont or cant take no for an answer!Finally, think of your friendship and what defines it.Think of shared interests and mutual friends.Life isnt all about the genitals but now that she had disclosed her assumed identity you can feel free to talk about it on any level but dont disclose her potential secrets to others who may be inclined to make her daily life hell.Move the friendship forward slowly as you cant jump into a catholic marriage anyway.You could also have a quiet word with the priest at an appropriate time.Why not gift her a little cross and chain?Quite possibly your respect for your religion may be something she values that makes you more trustworthy and reliable in her opinion.If she did have sex with you and she had no ovaries to produce the female egg then you could at least guarantee she cant get pregnant which would be one less worry.But you need to talk together more before you decide to explore that avenue.Kissing, dancing, touching will also not get her pregnant even if she is a girl with ovaries!Presumably she has her own boundaries so once again you need to talk a little more to find out what she thinks about things and how she feels.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (24 May 2018):
 I think you already know you can, because you already are and should remain so. Personally, I could not bare carrying the burden of causing someone to feel the pain of being rejected for who they are. I would like to think my God can see me as being a kind, compassionate non judgemental human being.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (23 May 2018):
 If you are a devout Catholic, you will know Jesus befriended the people who were pushed out from society. Had the bible been written in the 20th/21st centuries, I feel sure he would have been befriending people such as your friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2018): 1. Why did he/she not tell you that he/she was this way inclined in the 1st place?
I would question the motives!
Yes. Male/ Female is the big question these days, but believing in God is not.
There is only One God.
Neither male nor female.
My GOD does not lie!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 May 2018):
 I can't see why not.
I'm like Code Warrior. I don't really buy into this wave of transgender stuff either. I do get that there are people who are GENUINELY in doubt or have "gender dysphoria", body dysphoria, etc etc. And I think they should get the BEST help available. Starting with MENTAL health help.
Her being "trans" should make a difference in a friendship. Friendships aren't about biology. It's about personalities, support, care, fun, shared interests etc.
But if you are so unsure, talk to your priest?
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (23 May 2018):
 I am writing now as a Christian, albeit an Anglican. Can you be friends with this person? Absolutely you can. If we are looking at Scripture a romantic involvement would be more questionable. There is a clear injunction in Paul not to 'yoke' with unbelievers but I am guilty as charged on this one because I currently have strong feelings for an unbeliever and there is a question as to whether this is a commandment of the Lord or is basically Paul giving good advice, other Scriptures such as Proverbs in the wisdom literature clearly constitute advice not direct commandments of God and I think there are passages in Paul which indicate sometimes he is giving advice and we are to use our gifts of discernment as to how to apply this advice to our lives. Indeed, since Jesus established the new covenant, Paul was in no position or had no authority to add to that.You can be friends with this person with a clear conscience that you are not doing anything against God. Pray for your friend, intercede for them by all means.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 May 2018):
 Of course you can.
You can be friends with anyone: Male, female, gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Sikh it doesn’t matter.
If you want to be friends with someone then so be it, why would you NOT be able to because of religion? That would be discriminating against another person.
Issues only arise when people make them an issue. I’m personally atheist but I am friends with many people of different races and religions and wouldn’t treat them any differently because of their beliefs. There’s only an issue if you allow there to be one.
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