A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I recently discovered that my boyfriend of 4 months has used craigslist sex adds in the past , He said he just used them for attention and admitted when we started dating he had a small porn addiction . it dosent bother me that he watches porn from time to time I admitt I really don't want to know about it and told him just to keep that stuff private . Movies don't bother me and he said it was mild but now I'm freaking out because he was using sex sites like hook up sites I noticed email pop ups on his phone yes I should not have looked at his phone when it dinged but I did . Also he put the add out a month before he knew me so I should not be upset about it he says but I can't stop thinking about it ! I'm scared he has been with random strangers and told him to get tested and it's been a month now and he has not. Am I over reacting ? Do you think he was just using the craigslist just for attention like he said he did it for ? Or just to send pics and text ? He said it didn't get that far but I saw he gave out his number and sent someone a pic of him with his shirt off saying he was looking for dominatrix sex . What should I believe ? Am I wasting my time just trying to believe this guy because I'm lonely ? Any advice would be welcome thanks .....
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 September 2014):
 No testing, no sex.
Go get yourself tested though, no need to wait for him. And honestly, it would creep me out too. Mostly because CL is so sleazy, but it's seriously no worse then many of the "hook-up" apps you can otherwise get on your cell phone.
I do NOT think anyone who was JUST looking for attention would be so specific, unless he simply didn't have the balls (so to speak) to actually TRY the S&M/BSDM.
One thing is trolling CL (I know a LOT of people do that for the FUN of it) but putting up adds? Yeah, not innocent to me at all.
If this makes you step back and think maybe this guy isn't for me, then LISTEN to your gut.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): My guess is he is lying- he most likely was having random hook ups with strangers and maybe unprotected sex. He is telling half truths now. Don't risk your health with this man, move on and find someone who doesn't seek casual random sex with strangers, this is risky, mentally unstable behavior. Whether you looked at his phone, or whether he started doing this before he met you or not is not relevant.
What matters is the risky behavior and now the refusal to get tested. My guess is he may be a narcissist who is in denial about his behavior and who has no trouble lying to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): Simply do not be intimate with him until he is tested. If he hadn't engaged in anything from those are then what is he worried about? All new partner should get tested because if you care about someone you're not going to want to risk giving them something potentially life changing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 September 2014):
 He should get tested as you requested otherwise he would sound like he's afraid that he caught something and can't prove himself to be clean. Even if he never tried casual sex with strangers it is within your rights to ask for a health record, or just to give you a peace of mind. He may be ashamed to admit he has a kinky desire to be dominated. Some men do just text and send pics and are too chickened out when it comes to the real deal. You have only been with him for 4 months so there is a lot of trust you need to build with each other. If he says that he had never had casual sex with strangers then there is nothing to do but say you believe him. It comes down to moral compatibility here. If the thought of casual sex with strangers repulse you then he might not be the guy for you. I've had casual sex with strangers in the past and as I mature I feel no need for it and crave a deeper connection with people. I would rather be single than have just a body but no soul. His reply to you seemed to have closed down that topic but you can still ask him to get tested. From your post all I have seen here is your caution and your worry, never did you mention if dominatrix could be your thing. Some women would play out that fantasy for their men but for you, you don't sound interested in a bit. As long as he does not use these sites when he's with you then you can see how he is behaving in the relationship, and if he can be satisfied without that fantasy.
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