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Boyfriend said something flirty in a text to someone else

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *atnip writes:

i have been with my boyfriend 3 months now. We had a staff party at work on Friday and there are a couple of girls who I get in with really well. One of these girls is married and likes my boyfriend work colleague. We have kept our relationship quiet as it's very early and new. These two girls figured things out on Friday and thought we were a cute couple and said were happy for us.

I came back to his and went upstairs and his work colleague came round later and brought these two girls round, they were drunk and needed the loo and the went off. I just stupidly went through my boyfriends phone and read a text from one of these girls saying sorry for intruding in your house on Friday. He has replied saying "no problem it was nice having so many pretty girls in my house" she didnt reply anything back to this comment and just mentioned something about his dog.

I obviously feel a bit crap reading this and am trying not to get worried. and yes I know I should not read his messages it's not something I've ever done before. He is always good to me and we get one well and he is attentive and doesn't give me any reason to worry. Is this nothing? I actually feel sick.

We just spent an amazing day together and he is outside washing my car and gonna take me for dinner after. He never carried in the conversation with her. I have not told him what I've done but I sid ask him if he was happy with the pace of things with us, you see we both came out of relationships in the last 18 months and I said to him if he felt he needed more time , I mentioned the fact he seemed to enjoy having people round and he said it was just a novelty but I come above all that. He said he thinks I'm ideal for him. We have known each other for a long time through work and it's taken a long time for us to get together and work through a lot of stuff.

View related questions: at work, drunk, flirt, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWow are you OVER THINKING THIS....

so he said she was pretty... BFD.... doesn't mean he's interested in getting with her or anything else.

WHY did you think you should look at his phone?

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (30 March 2015):

janniepeg agony auntI don't think it's a flirty text. He said so many girls, not just specifically one. Whether you are attached or not, it is nice to see beautiful people all dressed up for a party. It means they are happy in life and they care about looking good and having a good time. The thing that made you sick was probably your mind twisting it to mean he's glad to have hosted a harem party all for himself, while you just look from the outside and felt all unimportant. He fantasized having a naked spa party while you watched jealously. When we snoop we are in a dark insecure mode so whatever we see we are going to look at it negatively. Enjoy what he has to offer you. I would also admit my mind gets very imaginative and what I have in my mind is totally different from what my husband is like in real life. Keep up with communication and getting to know each other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

I don't think the comment he made is a threat to your relationship nor does it imply he intends to cheat.

I would calm down.

Our boyfriends find other women attractive and may even compliment them from time to time. It does not mean they want to sleep with them or aren't happy with their girlfriend.

The question also arises: Why did you feel the need to snoop on his phone? Is there anything else he is doing that is making you uncomfortable? Why are you feeling insecure?

I think that if he has a roving eye only 3 months in then there is a definite problem. You are in the early honeymoon phase. No room for a roving eye. Most men are totally infatuated with their girlfriend at this time.

So, I would take it as an innocent comment for now. Notice that I say for now.

But, I think it is best that the less she (or any other woman, colleague or otherwise) texts him and vise versa, the better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

I think you're reading too much into this. The way I see it, he was being friendly, maybe a bit too friendly but nothing to be worried about.If there was anything else I might say different. just relax and enjoy your relationship! And don't feel bad about checking his phone. I do that all the time!

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