A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It seems facebook is the source of all of our issues :/I'm really insecure about myself and always end up comparing myself to other girls and my boyfriend and I have talked about this.We live together and he treats me so well, but we do have issues. We've had a problem where a girl kept calling him and texting him telling him to call her before he goes to bed, she ended up stopping this. BUT, recently I found out he told a girl on facebook she was a good kisser and when I confronted him about it, he said it was to boost her confidence and that it was in the past. I believe him but im angry because I feel like he should be giving me confidence..not some other girl.He always tells me im beautiful but I just don't feel it.We are not friends on facebook because of all the problems it causes but we are mututal friends with people and I see certain things like him "liking" girls pictures, and I always end up comparing myself to them. I have yet to say anything because I know guys always look at other girls...I just wish it wasn't that way.I literally do NOT look at any other guy in that way. I'm happy where im at and dont have any attraction to anyone else.I don't know if I should confront him? Or find a way to get over this myself. Advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 September 2012):
 Yes you should be upset! As I said before, he is a massive flirt and it is totally inappropriate, joke or not, to be talking to girls in that way.
He sounds like a total creep to be honest, a perv and just one of those nasty guys that likes to talk dirty and flirt with other girls.
I dont know what you are doing with this guy, you are letting him give you excuse after excuse when you know deep down his behaviour is not acceptable. Dont put up with this, its not ok!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, my phone died and I needed to get a number off my boyfriends phone and he left a text open to a girl saying "I don't suck, I lick" when I confronted him about it he said he sent it because she made a post on facebook saying "men suck".
I told him I don't think it's appropriate but he disagrees and says it was a joke.
Should I be upset?
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (19 September 2012):
"I did ask him how he would feel if I talked to one of my exes that way and he responds with 'im used to being in open relationships' and 'i wouldnt mind because im more easy going about these things' "Please, please, PLEASE tell us you were offended and insulted and outraged and horrified beyond belief at such crude and callous and casual disrespect. Please, please, PLEASE tell us wherever you are sleeping tonight, it is not in his bed, that you are staying somewhere else while you make plans to find a place of your own ASAP. If not, advice all for naught, counselling strongly recommended.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't disagree with what any of you have said. I really appreciate all of the advice :]I did ask him how he would feel if I talked to one of my exes that way and he responds with "im used to being in open relationships" and "i wouldnt mind because im more easy going about these things"
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A
female
reader, demeplev +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Ok I have to agree with the anonymous male 1000% you lack self esteem too clingy and dont respect or love yourself, and you probably WILL find a way to be hurt and disagree with what we are both saying, Ive been in your shoes as a young 20 something girl once, took me a lifetime to see this clearly...I wish you to SEE it NOW and not loose precious time..its easy from here to say leave him stand up for yourself because you have to work on yourself before any of that would make sense. I suggest taking a break and find a good therapist and work on yourself and loving and respecting yourself as the beautiful woman you are, you dont need this crap...your allowing yourself to be victimized..you allow this...you allow this...you allow this...and now..this ...you cant change him, or anyone only your reaction to something/one ..i hope i wasnt too too harsh i really really want to see you do well for you and get a healthy relationship once you learn to love and respect yourself..I know you live together but your so young yet dont let your life go by you are the most important thing in this relationship dont EVER forget that, never put his needs or wants or expectations before yours. keep me posted praying for ya, peace and love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): Totally agree with male anon. I was insecure and clingy at the begining of my current relationship, due to a history of bad/abuisive relationships. We have had our ups and downs. Through it ive found myself, my voice and most importantly my action. Relationships should be full of love trust and be mutually beneficial. If my bf ever chatted someone up sexually or cheated, i would leave and be done. Would i be sad? Yes. Lonely? yes. Would i regret it? No. Because i deserve better. And so do you. Find yourself. Figure things out. We are together because we want to be. Not because we are too insecure and think we arent good enough for anyone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): "I don't know if I should confront him?"Don't bother, he'll come up with some lame BS cover story like he said it was to boost her confidence and it was in the past, and you'll believe him but still be angry and feel like he should be giving you confidence..not some other girl. Facebook isn't source of all of your issues, quotes below allfrom Needy Clingy Chick in Dysfunctional Relationship with Flirty Boyfriend Who Tells Her Excatly What She Wants to Hear 101 Handbook: "I'm really insecure about myself and always end up comparing myself to other girls" "he treats me so well""He always tells me im beautiful""I literally do NOT look at any other guy in that way." Agree with kc100 re Facebook, but as a guy I will respectfully disagree in that flirting will not stop (never does) and talking to him is useless, neither party is behaving in grown-up mature relationship, and bf will never change. He knows "how OP feels" and doesn't care, keeps repeating same pattern, preying on her insecurity and neediness by feeding her ego and vanity. OP will either eventually conquer insecurity and needines issues, learn to trust her judgement, stand up for herself, and dump boyfriend who will immediately move on to new needy insecure clingy chick; or she will continue to latch on like barnicle through endless cycle of suspicion, checking up, confronting him, buying lame cover but still seething, ad nauseum. OP, boyfriend doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. If you did, then you wouldn't be with him and he'd be fawning over and flattering and buttering up and treating some other needy insecure clingy chick so well.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Woah! No way on earth do you tell someone they're a good kisser i'd never go back to a past boyfriend and tell him that because what would be the point? It was in the past and I have a boyfriend who i am happy with.I'd go mental if i found out my boyfriend was doing that!and you're right Facebook is the root to all evil thankfully i deleted it and my boyfriend doesn't like it.He shouldn't be going around telling people he once knew they were good kissers as a confidence boost for them he should be showering you with compliments to boost your confidence.You should add him on facebook as K_C100 says because then he will be stuck on what to do. And you'll be able to read through all old posts to find out what it was he was actually up to.From what you've said he doesn't sound at all like a genuine guy, you deserve someone better who will compliment you throughout and shower you with love not be on facebook telling girls stuff because they're not confident why is that his problem?you need to have a serious talk about this with him and he will have to choose because it is not fair that he is treating you like this.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 September 2012):
Yes you should confront him, regardless of whether she is from the past or not, under no circumstances should he EVER tell a girl she is a good kisser when he is in a relationship with you.
Facebook can be the death of a relationship, and if your boyfriend isnt careful it will be the death of your relationship. Talking to friends, male or female is fine. General chit chat, talking about going out, or something they've seen/done...fair enough, that is normal. Flirting with girls, liking their pictures, giving them compliments to boost their confidence - that is emotional cheating and should not be tolerated. There should not be any problems with him being friends with girls he knows on facebook, but when he is deliberately flirting with them like this and disrespecting you, then that is not cool.
I think you have 2 choices to save this relationship:
1. Both of you delete your Facebook accounts and never go on there again, so you remove the issue completely.
2. You add him as a friend on Facebook so you can see what he is really up to, and he has to stop the flirting because you will be able to see it all.
Either way, the flirting has to stop because it is disrespectful to you. He should not behave like this, if he really loves you and cares about you he would know that flirting with other women and giving them compliments is hurtful. If he found out you were telling an ex of yours how great he was in bed, or how big his d**k was, he would go mad at you.
You need to talk to him and make him understand that if you want a grown up, mature relationship you cannot mess around on Facebook with other girls, telling them nice things etc. If you are both committed to each other then talking to friends of the opposite sex would only ever be purely platonic, in the way that you would talk to a friend of the same sex. Anything beyond that is emotional cheating, and entirely out of order.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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