A
female
 ,
*obbyjo
writes:I am 32 years old and about 3 months ago my ex of 3 years left me stating he did not love me anymore. To add to my devastation, he started a new relationship just 2 weeks later. At first I was beside myself but am slowly learning to accept their relationship. However I am still extremely cut up and feel so many emotions including anger, hurt, betrayal and shame. I keep hearing about how happy they are together and i feel so angry that he is making someone else happy while I'm at home alone in pieces. I have gone no contact up until last week when I crumbled cos we have joint furniture which I have kept and I am still paying him money every month for it. He told me to leave him alone and then I get a text from his new girlfriend telling me to stop texting him. This hurt me so much to know that he is bringing her into our business and telling her everything I say to him. I feel like he does not care about the 3 years we spent together and does not respect our past relationship one little bit. It hurts so much and is ruining my life. What's worse is that this new girl is not his type at all, has alot of children by different men and lots of baggage. She is also a pot head and has got my ex back on it - he did it before we got together but stopped when he was with me and often said howucj better he felt no longer doing it. He's now back on it and smoking everyday. This boy was my best friend and my boyfriend. We went through everything together. I can't imagine my life without him in it but it's like I don't even know him anymore. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. My mental health is suffering and I have lost alot of weight. People keep saying time is a healer and although I feel much better than I did when he first finished things, I still do not feel happy and back to my normal self. I feel awful I just want these feelings to end. Please help me
View related questions:
best friend, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Go bobbyjo! You can do this girl! X
A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (16 July 2015):
Bobbyjo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey guys thanks for your advice it's really helped me today.
I just wanna say though that 99% sure that he wasn't with Her when he was with me. We split up but for the first 2 weeks we had good contact and he considered getting back with me. Then suddenly literally over night his whole attitude and manner changed and he told me he had met someone. I know him inside out and he really isn't the cheating type. We really did love each other, even to the end, we didn't just split up cos he didn't love me anymore. There were factors including the fact that he was way over his head in debt which I didn't find out til after we split. I wanted to do things like go on holidays and stuff and he always changed the subject and now I know why.
I really do feel that he is on a slippery dark path into a world which he knew I hated - drinking and drugs- and it kills me watching him go that way again. The worst part is that he doesn't even realise he's going that way.
With the furniture, it's in his name and ive been paying him monthly and he's been paying the company. He refuses to set it up from my bank account directly as he thinks I won't pay it. He's even offered to pay it off I think because he doesn't want this hassle of it all and being tied to me. I don't Want to pay it into his account as I have no idea what he is spending the money on and could be spending my money on himself and defaulting on the direct debits.
I've taken some steps to recover from it all. I've blocked them both and changed my number. I see this day as the start of a new chapter.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 July 2015):
 IF he is paying off the furniture to the store, I'd go down and PAY it directly, preferable have the payments changed to YOUR name.
If the furniture is paid for and you just want to give him HIS share... then for now put the money aside (because you never know when he will pop up and demand either furniture or money).
If after 12 months he doesn't contact you for it, I'd say it's YOURS to keep.
It is hard enough to "get over" someone, it can be much harder when you see that person go down a dark path. I get that you feel blindsided.
I know you have ALL kind of emotions and feeling right now, but I would focus on YOUR life and YOUR future right now. Not him, not his new GF. Spend time with people you care about and who in turn care about you.
I have to agree with Notsohappy, I think they knew each other before the break up - whether they were an "item" or not he didn't dump you out of the blue and THEN found her.
So YET another good reason to not PINE after him.
Give yourself time. Get back to things you haven't done in a while and love to do. Get out of the house, don't sit at home and ponder. Just don't consider dating yet. Let yourself heal and get over this guy first.
It will get better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Hi, I know how you feel I went through a similar thing a few years ago and my heart bleeds for you.My ex also finished the relationship saying he didn't want to be with me anymore. I accepted it was his choice but was heartbroken. When we initially broke up he told me to ring him when I felt able, so after a couple of months I rang to see how he was, unaware he had a new gf. He said "I don't want to see or speak to you ever again" I was devastated all over again and couldn't understand why he's say that. I subsequently discovered he had been seeing someone from almost the day he ended it with me. I was shocked that he could just move on like that.I found it difficult but it is true that time is a great healer. I decided to reconnect with old friends and took up a sport to get fitter and make me feel better. It is a grieving process so it's completely normal to feel all the different emotions you describe but they will go in time. I think it's cowardly to get his new gf to text you. How rude! It's nothing to do with her. His new relationship may or may not work but try not to concern yourself with it. By the sounds of it he's gone back to his old ways which means ultimately he wasn't for you and in time you will meet someone more suitable.Ironically my ex ended up marrying the girl he dumped me for but he did even worse to her; the woman he went off with was already pregnant with his child. Talk about karma!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Sorry to hear about this - a break up really hurts especially if he has quickly moved on to someone else & doesn't want contact with you any longer.
It has happened to me too & probably lots of women & men go through it.
I would try & keep busy & don't look at any social sites with their pictures or mix with people who remind you of the new couple for a while.
Hopeful time will help you forget...x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you are hurting so much here. This absolutely will get easier, and you are already recognising things are a little more manageable in comparison to when you first split up.A couple of things I would suggest to help you through this:Firstly, get a nice book to write in, Note pad etc. And write a list of things you want to prioritise over your thoughts for this guy. Make short term management planned around these, and try and choose one from each aspect of your life- eg: If you work, write about something you want to achieve put have to focus on, and how you are going to do that for the next week. Write down aimed such as eating well and a plan around what you need to do to achieve that, same with hobbies or interested or seeing friends and family etc. Look at this and write positives about how this is progressing each mooring and evening before you allow yourself to think of him. The idea is to lessen you first instinctive thoughts to be about him, and to alter your thought progresses and steer them away from the emotional attachment the thought provokes. Stand in front of the mirror and say aloud the things you are going to choose to think of consciously to alter your first thoughts being of him. This will help, trust me, so this consciously and consistently fit at least two weeks, this will get easier and you will get through it x
...............................
|
