A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Are all online dating and social sites full of men who are players if they suddenly dump you? Or is it they just get bored?Hi - I have read so many various problems on here over the last few weeks about guys who chat up girls online and then if they have a disagreement or are caught chatting up other women or if they suddenly block you - they are assumed to be players!Is this really the case or do men just get fed up and move on?I would really like some men to answer this question - as it seems to happen a lot to mostly genuine nice women and surely men can't all be players can they?!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Many approach online-dating very much like online shopping.
They expect the cream of the crop for the amount they pay for subscriptions/membership fees; and the promises most sites make. Promises they often don't, and can't keep. You're still dealing with human beings and human-nature.
Many people online, male or female, feel they don't have to put-up with flaws, quirks, or short-comings. Mainly because there is a vast pool of available single-people to choose from. Men and women don't think exactly alike; so their approach to online-dating may not always be exactly the same. You may consider something rude; while another may feel they're just being blunt, or straight-forward. So many guys complain women just don't respond at all. Doesn't make her a player, just disinterested or unimpressed. Maybe a tad of a bitch. It's her right! Why bother? You have dozens, if not hundreds, to choose from.
The posts you read mainly come from people who have had a bad experience. Not many write about their good experiences; because there is nothing really to complain about. So we are here to listen and advise those who have questions, bad experiences, or wish to confirm what they already know. Maybe to help them see things from a different perspective altogether. Most assuredly, I hope those hurt or traumatized find comfort. Or, get a boot in the butt if they need one!
Some comments you've read from OP's are biased; and strictly based on their personal-experiences and opinions.
You may not personally encounter some of the issues many present here; but you can count on some bad ones. Many in-fact. You still have to weed through people who just are not the type of mate you're looking for. Many of whom are rude, conceited, narcissistic, and think they're god's gift. So those guys who mistreat women on the sites, usually meet their karma. What goes around, most inevitably comes around. They're not really happy, never really find perfection, and usually end-up meeting their female counter-part; or their match in the art of deception. She will put screws to his heart, and he'll feel what he usually dishes out! Women aren't always victims as they may often portray themselves in a post. Many details are left-out, and we get one side of the story.
Dating out of your league, or crushing on a super-model; just might mean you set goals higher than you'll ever reach. That's your problem, not theirs. That's the most common problem on dating sites. Everyone wants the hot ones. Not those more like, or more comparable to themselves.
Gorgeous on the outside, doesn't mean good on the inside!
Plainer-folk (aka average) grounded in the world of reality; work harder, love better, and usually find what they deserve. Because they aren't searching for validation, they are looking for a match. They aren't defeated by rejection from some stranger with a fictional profile, and a pretty smile.
They know a lack of response means move on!!! Your self-wroth doesn't depend on, or subsist on, their follow-up and approval. Give them your middle-finger, or lift the back of your skirt and flash them! They can kiss your ass!
Players are everywhere; and you just have to learn not to get too attached too quickly, and start planning a wedding on the first date. Just because it went well, and your feelings are like glue; and stick to anything that comes in contact with them. Then there are those flaky types who judge a man's interest by how quickly and how often he answers messages. I sigh and roll my eyes at that. It's not a S.O.S...it's a text message with a smiley-face emoticon!
"Asking, how was your day?" If it sucked, what kind of response would you accept? Why don't they ask what they really want to know...are you still interested? That's what my current boyfriend asked me after our first date! He wasn't kidding! I was enthralled, but played it cool. You know how it is! So as a woman, you have to be prepared for mixed-signals, lies, excuses, stand-ups, and the same stuff dating offers off-line. That's dating-reality folks, not just on men.
If he's slow or doesn't answer at all, he's not interested in your type. He doesn't owe her/you/me an explanation. It's up to her/you/me to be woman/man enough to just move on. He's just a teardrop in an ocean of prospects. You can't expect a total stranger to care about your feelings. You can't even expect it from someone you've known for "two" to "four" years. Those are the "magic numbers" on DC. Give or take a year. Between 2-3-4 and 5 years, relationships take a dive. Don't ask me why? I don't know.
The men you've read horror stories about, are the same you may encounter in the public sector. They just happen to be more accessible and concentrated online. Many of the women seeking men, are damaged, insecure, and needy. If you approach dating like that, you'll have bad experiences with men no matter where you seek them. Online, on land, at sea, in the air, face to face; or on another planet.
People with high expectations, low self-esteem, a plethora of insecurities, and in a tissy of desperation often have the worst experiences time and time again. They set their hopes up on a guy they had a few good chats with, maybe had sex the first or second date; and they feel he owes her some sign of caring. Welcome back to the world of reality.
It just isn't like that.
You can get played by any guy, if you're susceptible to it. Players wear lipstick,dresses, and heels too! Don't stereotype all guys online in that category. Females do their share of trolling and breaking hearts as well!
It doesn't mean all guys are players who dump you; no more than all women expect a marriage proposal by the 4th date! We've all opened our hearts to the wrong person. And more than once! Anyone who denies it, is a liar! I don't care how much you have on the ball. The best strategy is feel the guy out. Listen to what he says, and don't set your hopes too high. Base what you feel on what you know, not what you hope for. Then you'll remain more objective without being tainted with cynicism or lost in your infatuation. Give him a chance. Set your own guidelines. Dump him if he doesn't measure-up. Just like the guys do women who don't.
You don't blame yourself if they don't like you. It only means you're not the one they're looking for. Most complaints come from people who don't know how to let go, or can't deal with rejection. Rejection is a fact of life.
You take it or give it. So learn to deal with it. I've been rejected tons of times! I'm still alive. I have a great boyfriend too! Got dumped by the one before him.
By self-elimination, not hearing from him tells you he's not the guy you're looking for!!! Period and exclamation point!
The most common remark made is: "but I really like him!"
Then assume your feelings are wasted or misdirected. Pickup your dolls and dishes; and move on to the next tea party, girlfriends!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 July 2015):
 Na, I don't think ALL men are players. That would either make life VERY easy or VERY hard, if that was the truth. I think ASSuming the guy is a player can be way wrong.
Though there are MANY men (and quite a few women) out there who wants casual sex and KNOWS that going on dating sites gives them a bigger POOL of women (men) to "pick" from. All they HAVE to do is "fake" interest in something NOT casual.
I DO think with online dating, common courtesy, manners and consideration goes out the window a bit (not just from men, but women too).
In today's society of entitlement, instant gratification and use and throw out mentality people are a LOT less concerned about how THEY affect others, but more with HOW they can GET what they want WHEN they want it.
Cutting the contact online, makes (in a way) sense if you are looking for long-term and don't find the other person being a fit. Then WHY waste more time?
Or if you are looking for casual and you notice that the other person seems to think it's NOT casual, then WHY continue?
That's the attitude. And I DO get the whole "I don't want to waste time" on a bad fit... I just think people should REMEMBER that THERE is another person at the other end.
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