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Boyfriend of 1 month tells me he still lives with his ex. He says this is purely for financial reasons. What do I do?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 September 2006) 9 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2011)
A female , *auz writes:

my boyfriend, of one month, came up at the weekend, and he told me that he still has to live with his ex, he said it is over, but she stills wants to be with him. he says they sleep in separate beds, and he is only still they because he cant afford to move out. What do i do, and what do i believe?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011):

This is my story too. These big needy babies are on the top of their manipulation game and I assure you that he will continue to throw you random excuses until he breaks you down so much, that you're no longer useful to him anyway. I'll give you another 2 months to reach your unbearable end.

I'm quite a strong girl when it comes to fighting off negative emotions, but this broke me.

Send him packing. It'll empower you. I promise.

3 months in and he was a carbon copy of this: www.narcissism.com.au

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

Hi, my boyfriend also still lives with his ex. this is because she moved down from her hme in sheffield 3 years ago to be with him. i have been 2 the house wen she isnt there and she doesnt no about me although i have met all of his family and vice versa. if u trust your boyfriend then give him the benefit of the doubt. i will admit though this isnt an ideal situation and can be very hurtful as i am now learning.

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A female reader, kayjay +, writes (26 September 2006):

kayjay agony aunti can only tell u what happened to me. my ex said exactly the same thing, only there was a child involved. he told me that he was with her for the kid and financial reasons and she still wanted him back, so we had to keep our relationship quiet as not to get her angry cause he was scared she would take the kid away from him.

she found out about us and told me they were together, he swore to me she was lieing so i told her we were just friends thats all. i found out 6 months later that they were together when he finally told me the truth cause he was sick of thinking up lies, and he thought i would still see him cause now i knew the truth. if he wasnt with her he would find a way to move out, cause its just to much hassle living with someone who wants u back. its only a month of ur life. get out now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006):

It's only been a month. I say you give it a little while... it's possible for ex's to live with each other, due to leases, etc.

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A female reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (25 September 2006):

beentheredonethat agony auntWhat would you like to bet that this Ex is a Still in the picture and would be terribly shocked to find out about you? Oh we are broken up....but I can't afford to find my own place. in man talk that really means... (I am interested in having sex with you for as long as you will buy my crap....I don't want to spend money having a separate place because her parents have lots of dough and eventually I'd like to get my hands on it but I don't want to marry her right now....cause it isn't really cheating if your not married and maybe YOU will be able to support me in better style...Right?)

LOL...it's like picking men who live with their mother and are NOT in Medical school....If they can't support themselves...and are not soon to be sporting a DRRRRRR in front of their name....are they really going to be a benefit in your life? or are they just a mind numbing sponge boy who will eventually be telling a chick that they can't afford to move away from mean old you? I'd Pass on the excuse factory...and find a real man.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006):

Well, can you truly forgive and trust someone who can so readily be dishonest?

He needs to make a decision and then do it.

It sounds like a weak excuse to me and therefore; don't get further involved until he shows he has some courage and faith in himself and in life.

Tell him you don't appreciate him hiding this fact as it is something of great importance and that you think he needs to move out and move on in his life before he can date.

Good Luck.

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (25 September 2006):

shania agony auntHe is telling you a lot of lies.If he wanted to move out he would because for starters,if his ex wants him back,he would feel too uncomfortable by staying there...and i put money on it..he's sleeping with her as well.Dump him,i dont trust him.

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (25 September 2006):

Toria agony auntI would be very careful here, yes he might be telling you the truth and until you come along thinking about sorting his living situation out probably hasn't been an issue.

I don't see how he can't move out if you want to do something that much you will find a way and do it, maybe because he doesn't have to has made him lazy or maybe there is more to this situation than he is letting on and the only way to find that out is to encourage him to move out and help in looking for somewhere with him or get him to take you round to his and see if there is anything to worry about there.

Good luck :o)

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (25 September 2006):

Yos agony auntHe's using money as an excuse. If he really wanted to move out he'd find a way.

In your situation I would tell him to explain to you clearly his plan and timeline for moving out. Perhaps he does have a few loose ends that need tidying up, but if he can't make a plan to be out of there within a couple of months at the latest, then you should consider your options very carefully.

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