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Boyfriend forced me to swallow.... what to do?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2010) 13 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I love my boyfriend very much; however, he did something very mean last night.

He knows I do not swallow, I HATE it! Makes me want to gag, not really the taste, but the feel alone. Anyhow, I let him do other stuff to me, facials, pearl necklaces, etc. just NOT IN MY MOUTH! In fact that is the ONLY rule we have, I give him anal, FFM, everything he desires, just not this one thing.

I think I am completely fair to him. Anyhow, usually he is compliant and he'll warn me and all, but last night he didn't and even further more he held my head down until I swallowed it all. I am so digusted and seriously, I am considering splitting up with him, how can I ever trust him again?

I told him I would bite it off if he ever even thought of doing that again, and that was even IF I ever gave him head EVER again. WWJD?

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntOk, thanks for updating your post. You've consented to these sex acts and you are willing to forget and forgive. Please be very careful, be sure that he treats you respectful, it is not good if you always give in, do everything for him and get nothing back. He was wrong, but your willing to accept that this was done in passion. Make sure that you mean what you say, if it happens again it is a sign that he has no respect for you as a person and your just a sex toy for him.

Good luck, have fun, keep yourself safe.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):

I don't mind the other stuff, some I actually enjoy a bit, others I am indifferent to and have no problem letting him enjoy himself. I just have one thing I do NOT ever want to do and that is swallow.

I told him I am disgusted about it and that it really bothers me. He was apologetic, said it wast just a losing his mind moment and it'll never happen again. I told him it better not. We'll see, if he ever tries something like that again it'll be over for sure.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (12 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntIt could be a moment of lunacy and he went overboard. You may want to give him another chance and if he does it again , it means that he does not respect you nor think highly of you .He treats you like a sex toy and not as his g/f.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (12 March 2010):

DoubleM agony auntEven requiring you to do anything beyond your desire is unacceptable, and forcing it is or should be an end to the relationship. Many women gladly share mutual oral pleasure and that's what he needs, but apparently you are not the one.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntYes, I would also like to know, why do you do all these sex things. Are they to please you or are they to please him. There is nothing wrong in anything your doing, as long as you enjoy them and there is room for you to make some suggestions to.

As rhythmandblues has pointed out, it's not healthy if you think that you have to do all these things just to keep a man. It would be nice if you could update your post and reassure us that you enjoy these threesomes and other things.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntPersonally, since you are very adventurous in bed and agree to all sort of sex practices, I think your boyfriend was more than unfair, I think he's abusive.

You give him more than enough, and he forces you to do something you hate. That is a big sign of disrespect, he wants to control you. Personally something like that is a deal breaker for me, it shows a level of arrogance and hatred for women that I just couldn't forget or accept..

But that is just me, he could be a very fine man and this was just a big mistake..

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A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland + , writes (12 March 2010):

heartfullalove agony auntYou need to let him know how angry you are. And also seriously consider splitting up with him. If you don't want to give him up, then I suppose if he's genuinely, abjectly sorry and understands how wrong it was, he's entitled to a second chance. But you have to leave him in no doubt that he's crossed a major line. You don't want to swallow, then no means no, end of story. You deserve a heartfelt apology and shouldn't let him off the hook without getting one.

It could be that you have him a bit spoilt by eagerly giving him all the other treats. Make it plain: if he ever does that again without your permission, you're outa there, no more facials, no more pearl necklaces, no more anal, no more threesomes. Having obviously got a taste for these exotic delights, I'd be pretty sure he won't be keen to give all that up.

Hope it works out. Good luck. And stand up for yourself. You can be as submissive as you like in the bedroom, but it doesn't make you his sexual property to do whatever he wants to you with no regard to whether you want it or not. You're a PERSON not a sex toy, and it seems he may have got the lines blurred.

(Btw I don't know that biting it off is legally permitted, so try not to land yourself in a situation where you feel you've no alternative)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

I wouldve dumped him right there and then.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010):

I am more concerned about you and why you are so sexually compliant and doing things like threesomes and acts seen in porn films....with a "boyfriend".

You are being used as a sexual toy. You are in a relationship Because Of Your Sexual Willingness to try all sorts of things outside the norm of a loving monogomous relationship.

I am surprised something worse hasn't happened. This guy doesn't love you, he loves the sex he has with you. Trust me he will dump you sooner than later, the writing is on the wall, or in this case down your throat.

Get some therapy and find out why you don't have more self respect and why you think that having threesomes, anal, pearl necklaces, and kinky sex is going to get you a love relationship.

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A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2010):

Kenj agony auntThis guy does not care about your feelings hes using you to fulfil his own desires.

I am sure you could do a lot better for yourself, find a decent boyfriend who respects and apprciates you more.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2010):

Not to put a fine point to it, but when someone forces you to do something you don't like, and they know you don't like it, it's time to move on. You were extremely open minded, and he didn't respect that. You should leave.

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A female reader, ChristineAvril United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2010):

ChristineAvril agony auntIn view of the fact that you are compliant in every other way with his wishes and he KNEW that you hated to swallow, this is a very serious breach of trust.

I totally sympathise with your position on this: sex should be what you both want in the way that you both want it, and forcing you to do somethiong that is abhorrent to you shows you no respect at all, and in some ways could be considered rape - not in the traditional sense, I know, but it was a sexual act enforced against your will.

I feel that you should reconsider your relationship; without mutual trust and respect you have nothing.

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A female reader, kayla20 United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2010):

kayla20 agony aunthas he given you an explanation about why he did this in a way thats kind of abuse as he knew u didnt want to do it.if you stay with him id refuse to do it ever again and id have the right to say its because i dont trust him i think thats what you should do punish him for doing that to you he shouldnt be able to get off likely with something like that you could report him if you wanted to.

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