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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year. He always tells me he loves me but a few weeks ago he was out with his friends and he got really drunk and cheated on me with a girl that is 3years younger than him. i forgave him because he told me the same night what he had done. But i can't get the idea of him being with someone else out of my head! it is driving me mad! i really can't handle it. what should i do? please help me
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male
reader, Gryphon +, writes (23 April 2006):
 I think you must firstly rethink why you forgave him. If you forgave him because you love him and realize that while he may have done something unequivocally stupid, he fessed up as soon as he was sober – then your love of him should be what gives you closure. I agree with cam that your best bet may be to sit him down and ask him why he let himself be put into a compromising situation in the first place, but do you expect a better explanation then when he apologized? Forgiveness is a fickle thing because we grant it in good faith not entirely realizing the deeper psychological issues most transgressions leave in their wake. But if you forgave him and really meant it, then you must have a heart to heart with yourself and tell yourself that yes he did a stupid thing, but that his infidelity was caused by alcohol and rampant hormones and meant nothing. What should matter to you is that the love he showers you with comes from his heart and that you mean the world to him. Talk with him if you still need to reconcile the problem, and definitely try to keep him from getting into a compromising situation again – but I think that you are the only one that can give yourself peace on the issue, and if he really is as devoted as you seem to imply he is then I really feel you owe it to yourself to force yourself to let it go. Hope this helps…
~Jake~
A
male
reader, cam  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 look if he told u the same nite he did it he obviously loves u alot it would be the most difficult thing for him to tell u what he did. u should tlk 2 him about it because he will be the only one that can giv u proper closure on it
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