A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:hi all,My boyfriend and I have had a pretty good relationship for the last two years, and we both lead independent seperate lives even though we live together (I mean, we each have our own friends/jobs/social lives). He has always been really into online gaming but recently he has started gaming a lot more, at least 3-4 hours a night. It's taking its toll on our relationship because his online friends/online 'missions' on world of warcraft are always his first priority! He has bailed on dates to game and lied to avoid going out with me. He's also missed lectures (we are students). To me this seems like addictive behaviour but when we went on holiday he was perfectly happy not gaming for two weeks so it might not be. When I've discussed it with him, he has said that it's just his way of having fun, and I'm angry about it because it isn't 'cool'. Really I am angry because I think he loves his computer/fantasy world more than me, and I am sick of making excuses to my friends for him as to why he doesn't come out. We have sex a lot less than we used to. I keep thinking I am to blame for this relationship breakdown. I have put on weight and I am constantly stressed about the future/money/my finals, and I am probably not much fun to be around!so what can I do? Should I do anything to change my boyfriend or myself? I'm determined to make this relationship work!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Hello... I met the love of my life 8 years ago. He moved in last year. I wanted a family, I wanted to get married, I am so in love with him. I bought him a game last year because he was unemployed and I thought that after I got home from work we could play it together. The first week was awesome with our new WoW characters. He had the time to study it while I was at work. The next week he was violently mad because I didnt have as much time to play as he did, so he starting leveling it up so high I could never catch up. Then I knew I lost him. He starting playing 20 hours a day, giving out my phone number to people online sending ugly emails that said HaHaHaHa "she begs for my time" or "I told her that I would come to bed early tonight and pay attention to her, well, f her!" He threw a telephone and hit me in the face when I asked him to stop playing and get a job. He then promised that he would quit, swore to God on my life! I believed in him. I asked some friends that play to see if he logs on, to see if I could trust him well.. he never quit playing. Everytime I have to run for groceries or responsibilities, he made excuses to stay home, everytime there was a family get-together he said he was sick, everytime the lawn needed cut, he had me do it because he didnt feel good, everytime I was sick and laid down early he never checked on me upstairs. He was sitting down here playing the game behind my back. He swears at me in my face with the F word and says he is not addicted, he told me he will play if I like it or not and calls me a control freak. He promised.. he is the one that said he was done.. He sucks down major amounts of alcohol and logs on every night, now even in front of me. I am ending the relationship. I love this man with all my heart and soul and will never get over him. I will probably wind up alone for the rest of my life because I love him so deeply but I have to end this. This is unhealthy for him and for me. He picked WoW over me. For me, Game Over. Hey everyone in the guild, please take care of him, I hope this game serves him well.. best of luck..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): As a 3 year long wow player, i recently quit all togeather.I can tell you in all honesty, you have no chance. I would reccomend you tell him how you feel, if that doesnt work you have two options.Option A: Get yourself a world of warcraft account, warning- you will probably fail your finals. On the bright side, youll get to enjoy playing wow togeather. Option B: Dump him, as long as your sure that he is causing the problem, and its unsolvable. Sorry if this seemed a little out of order, but ive seen my best friend lose his girlfriend, gain 24lbs and fail college because of this game. Addictions are very serious.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): My boyfriend is also doing his GCSEs but wow is taking over his life. He doesn't pay much attention to me anymore and has even told me he was grounded so he could play wow :s
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): My boyfriend is also doing his GCSEs and WoW has taken over his life. He's even told me he was grounded just so he can play on wow and not see me :s
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): i absolutely agree. my boyfriend is always on wow i dont know what to do. its taking over his life when he should be concerned about his gcses!! if anybody can help pls reply to this
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): My friend's kid is in his early 20s. He doesn't go to school and he doesn't work. He does not have a social life. He gets up at 5 in the after noon and plays WOW until he falls asleep. If I was his mom, I would be very concerned when he realizes the state his life is in. I wouldn't be surprise to find out suicide and WOW are positively correlated.
I also know a half dozen relationship that have been ruined because of WOW. Mine might be on the road to it. My boyfriend has failed out of grad school and only works 8 hrs a week. We talk on the phone because he lives so far away and talking with him is a struggle. Talking on the phone with him is impossible when he's playing (which is 75% of his awake time). I can tell if he is playing or not by the way he says hello. If he is, I automatically hang up. We are suppose to be getting married soon, but I don't know if I should be with someone who is so irresponsible. Because I know so many relationship that have been ruined, and the fact that my boyfriend has a very addicting personality (he was addicted to porn) I told him it's me or the game.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I have this problem too... except it is not 3 - 4 hours a night.. its more like 11 - 12 hours a day. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and living together for about 2. Around the time that we moved in together was when he started playing this stupid video game. It has ruined our relationship... he's lost several jobs and now I'm stuck paying for everything and doing everything on my own because I can't drag him away from the F***king computer long enough to do anything. My advise is, #1 DO NOT start playing with him I feel like this is only stooping to his level. I know that it is addictive, and when I try and confront him about it he just gets VERY defensive. I know that it is something that he enjoys, but I feel like my relationship has been reduced to that of two room mates living in the same house.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Ok, I agree with some of the comments here about the online gaming thing being his fun and he'd rather do that than sit on the sofa watching crappy TV. I can appreciate that. However, I'd rather spend time with that special someone cuddling on the sofa watching a film, than playing some fantasy role playing game.
I'd rather go for a walk and just talk to each other. In a relationship you have to spend some time together.
3-4 hours every single night seems excessive. He needs to have his own time, but he shouldn't neglect his friends/family/loved ones. Before he knows it he won't have any friends and will probably lose you as your patience runs out.
If he loses you I bet things will be different then. I played WOW for approx. 2 months and then sold my character on ebay for about £200 and spent it on dinner, drinks and a night out with my gf (at the time).
Sure, you both need time to do the things you want to do. But when you spend 3-4 hours every night - that is far too much in my opinion.
You both have to spend some quality time together just the two of you.
Going off a bit here but some people have taken it too far and thier health has suffered from excessive online gaming and many a relationship and even marriages have broken down because of it, lost jobs and all sorts. Of course this is the extreme and I'm not saying this is the case here.
If your bf would rather play football 3-4 hours every night than spend time with you then this would be equally as bad as WOW.
And on a bit more light hearted note take a look at the award winning South Park show featuring WOW:http://www.southparkzone.com/episodes/1008/Make-Love-Not-Warcraft.html
Quite amazing how a game which allows people to live in a fantasy world take over some peoples lives so much when you think about it.
And on a more serious note, take a look at these: http://www.wowdetox.com/http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gamesgear/0,39029441,49285482,00.htm
Best of luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): As a guy who plays World of Warcraft, and has a very serious sexually active relationship all I can say is the more you get upset at him about a game the worse it will become.
I use to date a girl who hated me spending my free time playing the game, and it really drove a wedge between us. She seemed to be jealous to be honest, and would rather have me sit on the couch (in the same room as the computer) and watch some crappy TV shows instead. It would be like him constantly complaining about something you do that you find fun/relaxing. It does sound like he's playing it a lot, and that is definitely not your fault. He basically has to figure himself first though.
From my perspective though, I know playing really helps me unwind, and as ridiculous as this sounds playing the game actually helped me learn how to manage my time very well (I am a good student ~3.7 in Bio major). My current g/f and I play the game together, and doesn't shun me for playing a game the majority of people have deemed "uncool".
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reader, xxshaunaxx  +, writes (4 February 2008):
i was in this exact situation. i noticed my guy was playing WoW instead of going out with friends & stuff like that. he then suggested i give playing it a try. well, im hooked, & our relationship is better than ever. (apparently there is something sexy about girls that play video games..?) idk, lol. but our relationship is doing great right now even though we are 100 miles away & only get to see each other maybe once a month...
good luck!
--shauna
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (4 February 2008):
 You dont think playing MMOGs are 'cool'? Well guess what, its a bigger thing than you think, a lotta guys (especially college guys) play them. If its just world of warcraft that you have a problem against, ask him to switch games. There's loads out there. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the things you do when you go out are boring and he'd prefer to play his games instead? I'm not saying that as a fact but it sure is possible dont you think?
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reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Lol, ha ha. The world of war craft is more important than your relationship. Thats a little cazy. It may be his fun, but you are just going to have to except it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Personally I think these types of things are anti-social. What you need to ask yourself is if, when you have got your finals out the way and the stress is less, you want a boyfriend who prefers this to human beings then ok. It sounds as if you are a sociable woman so at some point you will want to draw the line. I would stop mentioning things to him, just go out anyway and say "See you later". I doubt he'll be that bothered but just in case he does care he will start to sit up and take notice - some guys need things slamming in their face before they get the message.
The more energy you give it the less you will have for yourself. Put yourself first for now and spend some time pampering yourself - ensure his 'nerd' time equals your 'indulgence' time. Decide to put this issue on hold until you can deal with it all more easily and study is out the way. Also - don't protect his reputation from your friends - tell them he prefers his little 'toys' and that its getting you down. This will help you deal with it and they will be on your side trust me. It is not a reflection on you but a sad reflection on him. He is the loser in all of this. As for making your relationship work it will only do so with a distinct change on his part.
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reader, rachy-baby-helps +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Try relieving stress levels by doing something you find fun and rewarding (going out with mates, exercise etc) Don't stress about the future, because its the present that's getting to you and worrying about times to come will make it worse.As for your finals, as long as you are revising, but having fun aswel, and getting enough 'you' time you should be fine.I think you need to have a proper heart to heart with your boyfriend. He could be amusing himself on the computer because you are stressed about evrything else and he feels in the way. Or he could just be trying to enjoy his passion with people that share the same interest.I believe you should try and interact with his fantasy worls too, get involved in something he likes to do.I know this is a harsh look on it, but some people that spend their time on the computer are having internet relationships because their home lives are proving stressful.You should take some time out to spend with your partner doing things you both love, and strengthen your relationship.I hope this helpsGood Luck :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW Hun please listen and listen REALLY CAREFULLY world of warcraf is an addictive video game and if anything i would tell you to play with him ( he would love that ) and if your not a gamer and cant play games just relax your not alone world of warcraft has been doing this to gfs for the last 3 years i know i know you probably feel like hes jerking off to world of warcraft but trust me eventually he will ween off it like i did and you have to let him know you will be there for him and support him and trust me nothing is hotter to a guy then a girl playing world of warcraft with him ill guarentee he will be all over you :P just saying but if you cant play those kinds of games just ask him if he could get off the computer to talk :) just you shouldent be breaking up with him or you will just be doing what everyone else is (i should know i lost many a girl friends to world of warcrack) and the last thing we need is to be depressed playing a game we want to be happy knowing we can leave the virtual world and be in the arms of someone we love right after :)
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