A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my now former virgo boyfriend have been together for a little over four months now. He's a really good guy. He cares a lot of about me and he treats me like an absolute queen but I have some major trust issues due to my horrible past and history with guys and he can't seem to get past it and I can't seem to let go and trust guys. I try not to bring my past and trust issues into the relationship but it ends up coming out anyway. He tried to be patient with me but the other day after I asked him why it didn't show on his facebook that we were in a relationship, so he took a snapshot of his facebook page from his phone and sent it to me showing that it does say he's in a relationship. That was the last straw for him though he got mad and broke up with me. He said "all we do is argue now and all you do is accuse me of cheating and you don't trust me. I've done nothing to you for you not to trust me. All I do is treat you like a princess because that's what you deserve. You clearly don't know me if I've already told you about my past and how I would cheat on a woman because I know how it feels to be cheated on. And it isn't fair to me that I have to pay for what some other guy did to you. I've had enough. I go to school almost full time and I work almost full time and you also get mad when I can't make time to drive out to see you. You told me in the beginning that you were gonna be understanding of all of this but obviously you're not. My life is too stressful enough. And you're obviously not ready to be in a relationship right now so this isn't permanent but I'm gonna take a step back and end this for now until you get your insecurities and yourself together." I'm really confused and I don't know what to think anymore. I'm mad because he just gave up on me but at the same time I guess I know where he's coming from. I have been I guess accusing him of small things and in my heart I know he's faithful but my head is playing tricks on me and telling me otherwise. I don't know why I can't seem to get past my insecurities but it's ruining my relationship. I don't know if I should give him space or woman up and admit I was wrong or if I even am wrong... can someone please give me some insight? because I'm lost and confused.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Wow if what he said to you was word for word GOOD FOR HIM!
he's right you know. you were wrong if you are giving him grief over not seeing you and he's carrying both a full time school and work load.
Heck I work full time without school and get worn out.
How about you tell him
a. you are sorry and he's right (cause he is if he's done nothing to make you not trust him you can't punish him for someone else's bad behavior)
and most importantly:
B. you will back off and GET YOURSELF SOME THERAPY to work through your issues and then let him know.
and then do it. Find a counselor to walk you through how to cope with your own inner demons without dumping on a man who has not earned your wrath.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): you are definitely in the wrong, and you can tell by what he wrote, that he's very frustrated and overwhelmed. and rightfully so. it feels like crap to be falsely accused of lying and cheating when you know in your heart you're honest and loyal.if i were you, i wouldn't blow up his phone or anything. i would just write a well thought out text or email letting him know that you realize that he's right. that you do take your past out on him and that it's not fair. and that you would like the opportunity to right the wrong. that if he will be patient with you, you fully intend to work towards trusting him and building a solid relationship. keep in mind, he reserves the right to refuse to give you another chance, and if he does refuse, don't hound him. chalk this up as a lesson learned and move on. you really can't take past baggage into new relationships. take some time and get yourself into a better place before you try dating again if this doesn't work out. good luck.
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A
female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo +, writes (7 December 2012):
Hello, i for one am going throught this at the moment in my relationship. You are deffinitly not alone, and alot of stuff he says to you sounds like my bf, when i et mad or jelous. Like i said i go through this to so idk if im the right person to talk to but ill let you in on some things i do to try to calm myself down. Fist step, when you feel like he is doing something, and it makes you angry to the point were you have to say something just try your hardest to take a deep breath and instead of actually coming out and saying why your sad, or upset, just say babe im not ina good mood, or im upset. This will make him react to were he wants to comfort you, and maybe even go on about something that makes you feel good just to make you happy, by doing this it will take you mind off the situation and he will tell you stuff that will hopefully calm you down for the moment, now this wont work if he already knows why your upset. so if he asks why, just say you rather not talk about it. and you could add on to that also like " cheer me up" All girls have this proublem. And it may never go away and might even ruin relations you have with men in the future. You can not let this control your mind, and heart and make you act silly. trust me i know its hard to conrol, but try. If you really like him and wanna make things work try. as for getting him back i think you should call or text him and say look i know i act crzy and accuse sometimes but i really cant help it, its not that i dont trust you its just how i was treated in the past. I am willing to work really hard on it, if your willing to help me through it. so say that to him and see how it works out. Good luck hunn
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): Yes you're wrong. The first step is to admit that you were wrong. You can apologize to him. Then let him make the decision if he wants to rekindle the relationship. Don't call him, text, Facebook etc. Let him come back in his own time. Respect that. You may have to face the fact that he may not come back. I've been with somebody like you. Its utterly exhausting trying to convince somebody that you're not doing anything wrong. I broke up with him and never looked back.Honestly speaking you really need to be alone for a while. You're only going to have the same results. Until you feel good about you and realize that youre worthy of happiness and you deserve somebody to treat you like a queen then you will be repeating the cycle for YEARS. You need to heal from your past and forgive the men who have done you wrong so you can have some inner peace. Plus forgive yourself for your own behaviour. Hope this helps. Best of luck.
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