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B/f wants to have sex without a condom

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2011) 18 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

im 15 and my 15 yr. bf finaly got me 2 give him a b.j after 2 mounths of dating and now after 3 mounths he is trying 2 get me 2 give him my vergenity and he said we should not use a condom cuz it feels better w/out 1 then he said he wnts r 1st time 2 B amazing. so wat should i do?

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A female reader, anigail82 United States +, writes (8 April 2011):

I'm a medical student. My boyfriend is a medical student. We both know everything there is to know about pregnancy, STD's, and how to avoid them. And he hates condoms. But we ALWAYS USE A CONDOM. And birth control. Double protection. He's just as concerned about pregnancy as I am - which a good boyfriend should be. It's his responsibility too.

And while you're at it, please get your HPV vaccine - condoms do not protect well against HPV. And it's not fun to have. And you can't get rid of it ever. Just a suggestion.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (7 April 2011):

angelDlite agony auntwell, he doesn't sound like a great boyfriend but what you need to do is learn to say NO to things that you don't want to do or that are bad ideas, and that same rule applies to whether you stay with him or get with someone else

xx

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (6 April 2011):

Tell him the cost to raise a child in the US is roughly $300,000. When he shows you he has that much, then tell him he doesnt have to use a condom....

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (6 April 2011):

person12345 agony auntWe can't answer that. You might consider breaking up with him if you don't feel respected, like he values you for you, if you feel pressured into doing things that make you uncomfortable. You shouldn't necessarily break up with him just at the suggestion of not using a condom.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

should i break-up with him?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (5 April 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt Sorry, I need to say it : your boyfriend is an idiot. Ok, he is 15 so how sensible could he be anyways.... but no, this is too much idiocy even for 15.

NO GLOVE NO LOVE - this must become like a tattoo in your brain.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (5 April 2011):

mystiquek agony auntPlease do not let your boyfriend talk you into doing this. This is foolish and dangerous on so many levels! You are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you and a pregnancy at your age would be absolutely devastating. Please know that it is ok to say no to him. Do not give in just to make him happy. Be smart, be safe.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (5 April 2011):

angelDlite agony aunthi

only do it without a condom if you want to get accidentally pregnant. your boyfriend sounds like an idiot, i'm sorry to say. this is a very dangerous game he wants to play and there is no way a 15 year old boy is experienced enough to do this successfully. ask him if he know what 'pre-cum' means!

if you do not know i will explain... it is the fluid secreted by the penis, he will not notice this happening, it happens even before he has ejaculated and this fluid can contain sperm. so as you can imagine, even if he promises to stop having sex with you before he cums, it may already be too late!

it sounds very much like he is always getting you to do things that he wants. doesn't sound very much like a fair relationship to me, but if you insist that you think sex with him is what you also want then make him compromise and use a condom

xx

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A female reader, Lina Santos United Kingdom +, writes (5 April 2011):

Lina Santos agony auntDO NOT HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!

Get tested before you do that! Both of you! There's nothing more to it here.

No further advice needed, even if he were God Himself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

Do not have unprotected sex it is very risky. If your boyfriend respects you he will use a condom. There are many different types of condoms on the market today to help enhance your pleasure. You can have pleasure and be safe!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM WITHOUT A CONDOM. you could get pregnant and that would change your life forever. I think you should really think of your relationship and your boyfriend. He doesn't seem to respect you because i am sure he is very aware of the dangers he is putting you through. You have to stand up for yourself honey. Talk to him and tell him the dangers of having sex without a condom because it is your life and YOU SHOULD MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR BODY not him. Hopefully he will be understanding. If he continues to pressure you however you should consider breaking up. You deserve a man who respects you loves you and doesn't try to put you in harms way.

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A female reader, DanceInTheDark Canada +, writes (5 April 2011):

DanceInTheDark agony auntYou're not ready to lose your virginity, if you can't even spell virginity.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (5 April 2011):

person12345 agony auntDo NOT have sex without a condom. It won't make that much better for you, but you're the one who will have to live with the consequences such as pregnancy and STDs. Absolutely do not have sex without a condom. And don't let him pressure you into it. Don't believe any of the nonsense about not being able to get pregnant the first time, you can just as easily get pregnant the first time you have sex as the 500th. There is no truth to that myth. Having sex without a condom is extremely risky, especially for you. Plus in all honesty, most women don't feel a lot of pleasure (most feel a bit of pain) their first times. This is 100% about him, and him being very selfish. What kind of boyfriend would put his girlfriend at risk for his own sexual gratification? Not a very good one. There is no amount of sexual pleasure worth ruining your entire life over, which if you got pregnant would happen. Not to mention STDs can deform your genitals and cause infertility. USE A CONDOM!

Also I'm very concerned about the way you word your post. You mention everything he wants and gets you to do, what about what you want? You say he "got you to" give him oral sex, and now he wants to have sex, and he wants to ruin your life by not using a condom, what about what you want? Don't have sex if you're not ready to do so. This is about you too. Not to mention 15 is extremely young to have sex (illegal in the US, your boyfriend could go to jail for statutory rape and be listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life). Don't do anything you're not ready for.

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A male reader, honestman Mexico +, writes (5 April 2011):

You should go to a doctor, and ask about prevention methods.

Without a backup plan, you CAN'T have safe sex, and you'll probably get pregnant. You don't want to get pregnant at your age honey. You need to start finding out about prevention methods right now, before you have sex with him. Don't wait to do your research and get a safe prevention method after you have sex because it will be too late, and you'll suffer a lot if you don't do it now.

Take care!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

DON'T HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM PERIOD!

You WILL get pregnant, I assure you.

No glove, no love.

It's your body, your choice.

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A female reader, kaiti30 United States +, writes (5 April 2011):

kaiti30 agony auntBad idea hun, for 1, if your not ready for sex dont rush it, i lost mine when i was 12 and regret it... you need 2 use a condom, for one, you never know whos he had sex with, if you knw ur ready, then thats up to you, but the std chances, and pregnancy... i think you should use one, 2 honestly haha, but all in all its your decision, do not let anyone else decid it for you, and if he uses the line "if you love me you will" dump him, if he cant accept and respect you dont want to, hes not worth your time in the first place

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

How amazing would your first time really be if 3-4 weeks later your Dr. tells you your pregnant? Sweetheart, don't let him try to talk you out of using a condom. Actually you shouldn't even be having sex, but I know things happen. I was a teen parent, had my entire life infront of me until I let him talk me into not using a condom......

Please please please use a condom if you do choose to have sex!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

If your not comfortable with not using a condom then tell him that. If he says that he won't use one you could either tell him you won't have sex without one or go one the pill. It's your choice not his.

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