A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Just a quick question! What would you do if your boyriend left you in the dark on the street by your self? Ill give you a bit more detail, i', having doubts if my boyfriend acctually does love me, he says he does so much and i acctually started to believe him then he ran off from me tonight just because he was with his friends, he knows how scared i am of the dark, and you dont know who is out there, i should inform you i was raped just under six years ago so i am scared of things like that, he does know about it too. Should i be mad at this because when he acctually came back to me i was so scared i screamed at him for leaving and one of his friends said "god cant you take a joke" please advise me on if this is a big deal, because if it is then please help me to break up with him because he puts me under so much stress i dont know what to do no more he says all the time we wont have no more arguments but then like three days later we do and its over something like this. Should i just leave him or is it silly, because i dont know what to do anymore! Please help me!!! :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 As I said, he's a loser. The next time he runs away, let him go, wave bye-bye and don't bother speaking to him again. You deserve better, you really do!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Okay so he ran away from you on purpose to joke with you in a dangerous area. That's not cool at all, and I take back any excuses I made on his behalf. That's shitty behaviour and not something you should expect in a grown up. Which means your boyfriend is sadly still just a kid... and you need a real man.
As for dark areas.. well here in my town we walk around by ourselves in the dark all the time, walk home from town or to the stores etc, and it's dark almost 22-23 hours a day in winter-time... But we don't have a problem with abductions of the kind you mention, so it is hard to relate. Which is why I needed to ask if it was a real dangerous situation.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (10 February 2012):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question I wouldn't say anywhere outside in the dark is safe, as you don't know who is about, you dont know who could have been round the corner. I was left just round the corner from the post office which is where a few years ago a young girl like me, was snatched by a man in a car he drove her away raped her and left her in a car park.
He was away for about ten minutes.
It was supposed to be a joke, but i didnt take it as a joke at all, as anything could have happend in that time. Also i did run after them i shouted his name but they sped up when they heard me and when i turned the corner i had just turned they had gone.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 February 2012):
I think there needs to be a lot more information given before we rush to say he is a jerk.
The poster didn't say why he left her.
She didn't say why she didn't/couldn't follow after him.
She didn't say how long he was away for.
She didn't say that this was a joke her boyfriend pulled on her, that was a comment from the friend, and it is unclear what that comment referred to. Besides, the friend doesn't have any knowledge about what happened, so why should the friend's bad comment be a sign of the boyfriend being a jerk?
Lastly, were you, OP, in any danger there on the street? Was it actually thoughtless of him to leave you alone there, no matter the minutes he was away for? Were you in real danger, could you have been attacked there, or was it a safe place, even though it was dark and outdoors?
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (7 February 2012):
Yes this is a big deal. Leave him.
Quite frankly if you just had a fear of the dark THEN I might have said, he didn't realise how scared you would be or think it through very well etc.
However if he can't understand and is so thoughtless about rape, then that it is a big deal, it's beyond thoughtless. It's cruel, nasty and evil.
Most men can understand that rape is traumatic (and wouldn't just forget about it if their gf told them they had been raped in the past either), this is not just him 'being a guy'.
Just think about it, he ran off having a laugh with his friends knowing you had been raped in the past and were terrified of being left in the dark and something like that happening again.
This is not even taking into account that what he did WAS dangerous (ok it does also depend on how late at night, where and for how long). It's possible you could have been unlucky and come across someone dangerous in that time.
I don't think he loves you all that much, if he did he would never put you through that. Phone him, tell him it's over and not to contact you. Then delete his number, any future messages and block him online. If he turns up at your house, don't answer the door (ask who it is first).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I think sometimes guys don't always think thing thru. I do feel for you, but maybe he just didn't understand. My experience is no where close to yours, but I am terrified of snakes ( I mean terrified ) My husband knew I was scared but I don't think how realized how big my fear was. He and our kids decided to play a joke and planted a rubber snake under the couch that was partially sticking out.. He asked me to come take a look at something so I looked, when I saw what appeared to be a snake I ran into the kitchen and jumped on the counter...he did not think that was enough so he decided to kind of fling it my way... well it accidently him me and I smacked it into the sink not yet realizing it was fake. I yelled so loud and starting crying and jumped off the counter and starting running, only to have him stop me and apologize like a million times while telling me it was fake. He now understands how big my fear is. My reation that day spoke for itself. I never brought it up again and he will not even joke about it. Did he see from you reaction your Fear??? If he didn't your should try to relate to him as best as you can, how that fear felt in a way he can relate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I'm sorry about the ordeal you have gone through, I have been raped too. My advice is dump him, he knows what happened, you have expressed to him how terrified you are of these sorts of situations, and he isn't taking into consideration your feelings in this. You deserve better, no man should treat a woman this way, walk away now and find yourself a man who will treat you right.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 February 2012):
I've read your other posts on this particular guy. Dump! He's a loser, sorry.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 February 2012):
He may love you but he sounds like he's not really very good for you. I think if his idea of making a joke is to make you feel alone, abandoned and scared then he has a sick sense of humor. It doesn't sound like a healthy choice for you.
I'd let him go and wait for the real guy, who isn't trying to impress his friends. A guy who will put you first. Your guy isn't what I would call a 'keeper.'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I disagree on some of answers, I think it was completely inappropriate what he did. If such a traumatic thing happened to me and my boyfriend did this, I could never forgive him, I don't think I could if he did it either way. My mom also got raped when she was 15 and she also, is afraid to be alone in the dark and this happened 42 years ago! My dad knows this and he never lets her be alone in the dark.Like others have said, if it was just a one off, I'd give him another chance but if anything like this occurs again then he's VERY insensitive and immature, and you simply deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (7 February 2012):
 If your boyfriend is the sort who entertains himself and his friends at his girlfriend's expense then I'm with YouWish. Dump him.
No fuss. No muss. Tell him it's over and don't get into any explanations.
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A
female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Maybe you should elaborate to him how scared it makes you? It's nothing worth breaking up with him over. He just sounds like a normal guy. I wouldn't necessarily be mad at him, just a little upset.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): He was highly insensitive aholish for sure. Totally dump the guy. Your safety and valid feelings are not a joke.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 February 2012):
Him not remembering your traumas doesn't mean he can't love you, or care for you. I think if he shows you he loves you then believe in it. I understand that you had a traumatic experience, but is it really HIS responsibility to remember everything you are scared of, and remember everything you ever said, thought, or everything you might have mentioned to be of importance to you?I think you are forgetting something important, and that is that humans are NOT perfect. He can not remember everything even though you think he should. He can't remember that he is not allowed to leave you in an environment where you might be scared when it's only for a little time and then he returns. Have you ever explicitly said "never leave me alone in a dark place"? And if you really need a man by your side at ALL times, a boyfriend ISN'T the answer, a body guard is. Maybe you should treat him more like a boyfriend, and less like your personal body guard that you don't pay. If you are scared of these dark places then why do you go to them? Don't go to them, and your boyfriend will never accidentally leave you alone at one such place. Take responsibility for yourself rather than push the responsibility over on your boyfriend. It is YOUR job to make sure YOU are comfortable and not scared, not his job. Voice your concerns, be a lot more clear about your fears. Treat him better, just because you are scared does not give you a right to scream at him. I don't think you are being silly to get scared, nor do I think being scared is over-reacting. You had a traumatic experience that you still suffer from. But, you need to separate YOUR fear from HIS actions. Your fear was created not because of him, so HE should not get the blame. Don't be mad. Tell him you were scared, and you took it out on him. You do not have a right to take it out on him though. But you need support, and you also need to be vocal about things. If you are in a place where you will be scared if left alone, TELL HIM, don't just expect him to know. He isn't a mind reader, and he will not automatically know, even if you tell him basics about what scares you. He wont be able to know about each and every situation, not unless you've been together for 5-10 years. It takes time for him to get to know you that well. And yelling and screaming at him when he doesn't understand will never help. This is not a big deal. But your scare of the dark is a big deal. As such YOU need to take it seriously, and also take responsibility for your own fear. It is never your boyfriends fault if you get scared, that is on you. He can help you not be scared, but he can't be blamed for the times when you do get scared. And there is no such thing as "he should have known". Only you know.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 February 2012):
 You know how to break up with him? Two words."We're THROUGH".No fanfare, no arguing, no trying to get an apology for him, because this scumbag doesn't deserve it. If he did that -- left you alone in the middle of the night while he ran off with his buddies KNOWING you had been raped and DIDN'T defend you when his friend said "God can't you take a joke", then it's over.End the relationship. Don't discuss it. Don't talk it over. End it.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (6 February 2012):
 I'm sorry for what happened to you :( If i was you, i would definatley be mad at him. If it was a one off then i probably would try and let it go, but if things happen frequently in your relationship that you don't like, then you are probably making yourself more unhappy being with him and are most likely better off without him. Just tell him the truth of what's bothering you and find someone who you're happy with and won't argue with :)
Good Luck ^_^
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