A
female
age
26-29,
*bmi
writes:I am 17, 2nd year college, while my boyfriend is 26, already a professional. i met him at school when he was tasked to be the substitute teacher for our class since our teacher is still on leave. he handled the class very good that he draws all our attentions into him. the first thing that i liked about him was him being a very open-minded person. even most of the people would not agree with his belief, he would still stand firm and say what's on his mind. he always has a comment about everything.when the last day of his substitution came, he shared something about his life. he shared about his hobbies, like his inclination to rock music, and even his past relationships. he even did not bother telling that most of his relationships are only ONS (one night stand). that time, i was really shocked that a teacher would really have the courage to tell his story as simple as that. before the class ended, he gave his number to the whole class, and told us to include our names when we message him so he would know who he is talking to. after class, i texted him and told him we will miss him and good luck on his career. he replied, "gonna miss you too.." etc. etc. from that moment, we became instant friends. we became textmates. then one day, he asked me to look for a girlfriend for him, or else i will be the one to be his girlfriend. i tried every means that i know to look for someone who is willing to accept his offer, but no one came. i remember it was our exam when he first asked me out. it was about 3:30pm when he asked me, and our exam is 5:00pm. he told me it would be quick, only for 15 minutes. but time flew so fast. we enjoyed talking to each other. i returned to the school 5:00, meaning 30 mins. left to review for the next exam. i was really bothered with what am i going to answer. when the results came, surprisingly, i topped it. from that time, i said to myself, this man is my lucky charm.one day, he asked me to go with him. it was just a joyride, since he owns a car. during the trip, we talked and talked and talked and talked. there were no dull moments. when the evening came, before going home, he then asked me, "so, are we officially together?" that time, i didn't want to miss the chance since i had already feelings for him. i replied, "yes." then he kissed me. from that, we continued hanging out with each other, spending quality time together. he brings me to places i have never been into, and showed me new things in life. he even asks to have sex, which i sometimes cannot refuse because i love him, and i don't want to disappoint him, even he knows i don't want to do it before marriage.for the past 5 moths of being together, we had misunderstandings, but still we managed to fix it. but this time, something is bothering me. his ex posted a picture of a baby with her. he told me his friend texted him and asked him if that was his child. he answered no. he was really sure of that. after telling the whole story, he started counting. exactly 9 months had passed when they last met. i was silenced of what i heard. it hurts to think about how the man i looked as my partner in facing forever will possibly be a dad of a child from a different mom. he then asked me "are you mad?" he wanted me to act normally like i was before he told the story. i tried, but i cant. he tried to calm me down and hugged me. he whispered, "it's just a child. not a marriage. hahaha! just kidding!" i have never been as hurt as i was that time. he expects me to laugh at that kind of joke? for me it's not funny at all. thinking of the possibility that you will have to share your loved one to other people, knowing that his ex is still no over him? ohmygosh. no. i don't want to. he told me that the child isn't his. but my mind is still bugging me. am i too possessive? am i overacting? is this a bad sign? should i continue this relationship? what should i do? please help. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Hi, Ask anyone- getting over someone is NEVER an overnight process, it's a painful process- but not that long. It doesn't matter if you go to pieces, this is normal- I would advise don't be shy or ashamed at going to friends/ any close people you trust (your friends know about him right?) if they're any friends at all they'll support you because break ups are a very painful part of life for EVERYONE. Don't put pressure on yourself to hold it together, you may go off the rails- but the best thing you cam do for yourself is embrace this pain as a part of life and don't bottle it up. Remember you've been taken advantage by this twisted man who knew every second of the way he was doing something wrong. Have no doubt about that.The light at the end of the tunnel is you feeling stronger and empowered for recognising anyone is better off without this creep in their life. You're so much better than this. And the light isn't that far away, you'll see xxGood luck be strong Xxx :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Reading this is like slipping a jellied eel down the back of my top! I've literally put my lunch down... :/ Just forget your feelings for about him for a sec and look at this objectively- I'm not patronising you here but at 17, you're smart and mature like an adult- you pretty much are an adult- but BARELY. You're still going through a very important changing process; I'm telling you when you're in your early twenties you'll be a different person- you will look back on this and realise how icky this "man" is; you're vulnerable at this age to a guy who uses the experience and knowledge of his age to prey on a whole class of young, fresh girls- who are actually placed in the trust of him. Hes unsavoury, sleazy and despicable! It's also illegal to say the LEAST.And what a hot shot, what an example to men- bagging a young malleable 17 year old... If only he could take the responsibility that he may have brought a new LIFE into the world? Seems he's not "man" enough...Oh and that JOKE? Are jokes supposed to be chillingly sociopathic? Urgh... Get rid- there is nothing better you can do for yourself, please, we are all worried about your well being he is bad news FACT. XX
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A
female
reader, Abmi +, writes (22 June 2013):
Abmi is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all your answers. i have another question. if I will be ending this relationship, how will i manage to get over him very quickly? we've had some misunderstandings before, and the result was i was very distracted. i had a bad performance in school, i can't hardly manage to talk to my friends, i was very unfocused and preoccupied. i don't want to happen the same things again. please help. :(
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 No no no no this is just all wrong! I am your age by the way and i would never (and i mean NEVER) even give a second thought to even considering a 26 year old as a so called uhm "partner", hell i wouldn't even become close with a 26 year old guy. What makes us all worried here is that you sound extremely gullible and he knows how blinded you are. As far as sleeping with him goes, just don't!1st of all he is 9 years your seniorYou guys are in completely different stages of life. As you've said he is already a professional (doesn't sound like one to me but anyway)2nd of all he is manipulating you into sleeping with him because he is exploiting the fact that you have "feelings" for him. What do you need to do?FORGET about trying to fix it. Its just wrong. So my advice would be to BREAK UP WITH HIM AND FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES cause you really don't need these types of problems at your age
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Hun, I know you don't want to hear this again. I was once you - charmed by a 26year old in a position of authority at the tender age of 17.
Take it from me, it doesn't end well.
We don't know you so we have no reason to sabotage your relationship. We are kind strangers telling you this man is not good for you.
You've already broken one of your goals to save yourself for marriage under his influence. He has shown that he doesn't take responsibility because he didn't verify whether the child was his. He didn't even pick you specifically. He threw his number to as many teens as possible and only went out with you because you texted him.
He is not good for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 I can't but reiterate what Got Issues said.
Forget about the child, that's not the problem.
The problem is that this guy is too old for you, sounds sleazy , unprofessional and unscrupolous ( how nice, using his professional capacity of substitute teacher.. to get himself a nice "following " of teenagers from which he can groom his future sex partners ), and he is pressuring you to have sex - pressures to which you are probably going to give in, not for an intimate desire of yours, - you say you wanted to save yourself for marriage - but in the attempt to keep him around as long as possible, and in fear that if you refuse him he'll get tired of you and pass to someone more pliable ( maybe one of your classmates ? ).
Sigh...you are thinking future, love and marrage and he is thinking fun fun fun - until something funnier comes up.
You are infatuated so there are no many chances that you'll listen to us and start looking at him in a more objective light , and see how all his behaviour so far has been inappropriate... at least , do not have sex with him just to make him happy, or thinking that sex will make him more attached to you. It won't , trust us.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 Lots of people have children from previous relationships because sometimes it just ends up that way. As long as everyone is grown up and puts the wellbeing of the child above everything else, there is no problem.
However, that for me is not the issue here. This guy sounds like an absolute creep, and nothing you said sounded positive. A grown man telling his 17-year-old students about his one night stands is not open-minded, it's unprofessional and wrong. Him asking you, a former student, to find him a girlfriend, and if you didn't it would have to be you (how... romantic) is weird and creepy. Everything has moved so fast. You don't want to have sex before marriage yet you've given in after just a few months because you can't refuse him. Now he might have fathered a child and he won't even own up to it or take any responsibility?
I know you probably won't, because you'll say you love him and you'll never find another like him, but you need to dump this guy immediately and get as far away from him as possible. He is no good at all. You are 17, you'll love others.
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