A
male
age
51-59,
*lackjack2592
writes:What things do men typically do that kill any attraction a woman may have felt for him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2010):
 If the poster would like to write an article discussing his theory on how to treat women, he is welcome to submit it. As the thread is no longer providing advice for the poster, it is being closed.
A
male
reader, Blackjack2592 +, writes (19 May 2010):
Blackjack2592 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBetty, women seldom answer their cell phones -- that's who I learned that trick from!!! :o)
If it's important, they will either call back of leave a message, right? Let's make a distinction here -- there is a different way to act with someone you are just dating as opposed to someone you intend on getting very, very serious with! Follow me? The advice I gave earlier is intended for guys who are just "dating" -- this advice doesn't apply to future wifey.
And if a woman "just moves on", then to me, it's her loss, not mine! I don't sweat women like that because as a good man, I can always go out and meet more good women. That's the key for guys -- always feel that you have the ability to meet women anyplace, anytime! If you have that mindset, then it's nearly impossible for a woman to manipulate you.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Dear God OP... you never answer a phone call to a woman?! That's just rude! It sounds like you think playing hard to get is the way to go. But if you always play hard to get, a girl will just move on. If a guy doesn't answer the phone to me, I'd think he doesn't like me or is avoiding me. I agree though, acting like a limpit and calling someone 7-8 times a day isn't a great way forwards either.
I agree with create.your.peace. It's all about balance and mutual respect and self-respect. If you are a balanced person, and treat other people with respect for them and respect for yourself, then you will go far. If you put yourself before another person too often or think of the other person more often than yourself, that is when things may start to go wrong. You do have to have your own life, as it is the only one you have, and if you think only of your partner for happiness this will be a turn off in the end. But also, if you are dating someone and you don't put their needs before your own sometimes, they will eventually get fed up and think you don't care enough to treat them well.
And Pt88 yes that happens to me, it's so infuriating! I end up worrying about his feelings when it was him who acted selfishly/carelessly in the first place.
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A
male
reader, Blackjack2592 +, writes (18 May 2010):
Blackjack2592 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tell women up front that 99% of my friends are female. They can basically read into it what they will, but if they ask honest questions, they will get honest answers. To me, "single" means "not married". If a woman wants to know if you've slept with anyone recently, then you have to make them ask that. One mistake guys make is talking too damn much. Once you notice you're the only one talking, it's time to shut the hell up, especially when you notice that your date is arching her eyebrows and saying "Mmmm hmmmm..." and "I see...". Once the "I sees" have started, that means that you've probably said too much and should try to minimize the damage at this point. Guys, if your date is letting you do all of the talking, it's probably a good idea to keep the conversation as generic as possible.
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A
male
reader, Blackjack2592 +, writes (18 May 2010):
Blackjack2592 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only a time a guy should be "totally into" his girl is if he knows in his mind that this is the woman he'd like to eventually marry. Otherwise, being "totally into" any woman is a very good way to kill any attraction that may have ever existed. Women have lives -- so should guys! If a guy doesn't have a life, then he should work on getting one -- fast!!! Another thing I try to avoid is being too agreeable -- I tell women up front that I am very opinionated and have a very difficult time biting my tongue -- if you want a puppy dog, go to the kennel!!!
I was on a date a few years back with a very hot dark-skinned chick from Guyana. We went to see a play on the campus of Brooklyn College. I noticed almost the entire time that she was busy texting a female friend of hers. The friend wanted to know if we could swing by a birthday party she was throwing that night. We went, but on the way, I chewed her out about being on her cell phone so much, something that basically sealed her fate with me. Once I saw how little she thought of me as a date by texting all night, I mentally made a note to never take her out again, and I didn't. I basically give three strikes, but if the first strike is a biggie, it basically counts as three, and you're OUT!!!!
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A
male
reader, Blackjack2592 +, writes (18 May 2010):
Blackjack2592 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs an experienced male, I definitely think the numero uno turn-off to a woman is clinginess. Nothing shows bad more than a guy who meets a woman he likes and starts clinging, staying at her apartment all weekend, dropping by after work during the week, always answering his cell phone when she calls, and calling her 7-8 times a day. My 27 year old nephew had had/has the same problem now -- he meets a girl he's into and proceeds to cling to her like a barnacle to the side of a ship. Invariably, the attraction that was once there dies, killed by the act of joining himself at the hip to his woman. When he was an undergrad living on campus at NYU, I saw many of the same signs in him. When a guy clings, it basically tells the woman he's dating that he feels he cannot go out and many any other fantastic women -- HUGE MISTAKE! And I almost NEVER answer my cell phone when women call -- I have a life, and if it's important, they should leave a voicemail. If they don't, oh well...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): Many people have disagreed with Universe Man, but I happen to agree. - I like it when a guy is independent and shows me that though he'd like me to be a part of his life, he can fare perfectly fine on his own. - Clinginess is a turnoff for me. Had guys try and chain me like that before and it's just... *shudder*- Keeping his options open? No problem, as long as he isn't sleeping with a girl while dating me. That would just make him a slut. But sure, meeting up with other girls, seeing who's out there...no problem as long as he's honest. Honesty above all. Even if I don't like it, I prefer the truth over soothing lies. - I also don't like it when guys shower me with gifts. It makes me feel uncomfortable. People have tried to 'buy' me that way in the past and whenever something came up about them, they would remind me of that one thing they bought me, etc. I hate that, I always want to pay for everything myself. 50-50 is ideal. Sure, gifts and flowers have their place, but need to be dosed. Other than that, the usual stuff, bad hygiene, arrogance, etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): the biggest for me is clingyness no matter how hot a guy is if hes desperate for me or calling my phone 70 times a day i run away as fast as i can...another is playing games trying to make you jealous highschool stuff
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A
female
reader, Pt88  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 A BIG attraction killer...Saying or doing something hurtful, and then playing the victim when your lady gets angry with you.
Anyone else ever had THAT happen?
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (17 May 2010):
Ha, I struck a nerve and even got a little psychoanalysis to boot! Cool.I see that most of the women's responses basically center on men not knowing how to show respect. This, I'm sure, comes from their personal experience (maybe anonymous feels some "bitterness" haha). There are a lot of clueless men (people) out there who don't know how to respect their fellow humans. So yes, respect is very, very important!My response, of course, comes from my experience and reflects the mistakes that I am more likely to make. They perhaps are mistakes that are not so common and this makes them harder to deal with and get good advice about. Really, showing respect is just plain common sense.I should clarify the part of my response that got the most attention, and I'd love it if anyone else would comment more. Is it fair to say that if a man explicitly and bluntly tells a woman that he's pursuing other options while pursuing her, she'll be turned off? Perhaps. Is it also fair to say that if a woman perceives that she is his one and only romantic option, and if not for her, he would be all alone, that would turn her off as well? I think so.I'm going out on a limb and saying this 40-something guy either already knows how to show respect or will never learn. On the other hand, if he sees attraction mysteriously vanishing and still, at this age, finds women fickle and mystifying, then perhaps his problems are more like mine. My intention is to get you to focus on mystery and "the chase." I believe a woman needs at least a little of both, even if she claims she doesn't.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 May 2010):
 Catching a guy in lie after lie. Big no-no Lies don't impress me. Be who you are.
A guy with no sense of humor. Huge no-no.
A guy who talks super smack about his ex's. I really don't want to hear all about them, you are with me now, right? So why is the subject :"Oh my ex this and that?"
A clingy guy. I can not stand a guy who feels a need to text/call several times a day and then have nothing really to say. Or gets upset if I need ME-time.
A guy with bad manners. I don't need a guy to open the doors, pull out my chair, order my food, but really having some basic manners is a must.
Hygiene. A guy doesn't have to OVERLY man-scape, but if you invite me out for a dinner, at least shave and shower.
Talking about your Mom a lot.... Yeah, ain't so hot. Or even better.... Living with the parents ( if you are over 35 and your parents aren't special need get your own home, if they are, I might respect you some for taking care of them).
A guy who is separated but claims he is getting a divorce. I have a friend who has a KNACK for picking these kind of losers.
A guy who LOVES to hear his own voice. And his favorite subject is himself. Yawn.
A guy who brings his cell phone every where - even the bathroom. First of all if I go out on a dinner date and the guy keeps taking calls/texts, he is not that into me, so that would be a big waste of time and a big no-no. Unless he is a brain surgeon and it's work calling, no on is that important that they can't just leave a message,text.
One thing though. Either the attraction is there or it isn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): I also disagree with universal mans take on what turns women off. I think there may be a little bitterness there. A big turn OFF for me is the man who likes to keep his options open with other women. Or one that likes me to know that there are plenty more women out there. Ive given a couple of guys the brush off for that type of attitude. I freed them up to go and find the other women then! Both came back playing a different tune but it was too late. So i wouldnt endorse that type of approach.
Other big turn offs for me are;
Dishonesty.
Disloyalty.
Meanness.
Self pity.
Vanity (as explained above)
Laziness.
Inability to listen.
Cruelty.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (17 May 2010):
Hmm for me it has to be if a guy becomes distant and doesn't give me as much attention as he used to. If he stops making an effort, I lose love for him. Also if a guy comes off as selfish, arrogant, patronising and tells me off for my own life choises thats a turn off. And finally, if a guy shows more attention to other women by making comments, flirting etc, I will lose desire for them.
Basically, I need a guy who's totally into me and loyal because thats how I am when in a relationship. i give it my all, and need the same in return. If a guy stops making me feel wanted and desirable, I fall out of attraction for them. So if you want a girl(like me) to stay attracted to you, keep her needs in mind and keep the spark going. Don't take her for granted.
Minor, obvious things included bad higene, treating other people badly, continued lack of motivation to get a job or improve himself, generally bad character traits. Sometimes it takes you a while to really get to know someone, and when you finally do and realise something that is a deal breaker, a woman will lose attraction. Sometimes, if a girl's like me, she will try to ignore the bad traits because she wants to love a guy, and will ignore them until she cannot any longer and will simply lose attraction and have to move on.
Hope this helps answer your question.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): Attraction will fade when a guy lowers his self-worth/confidence, which often happens in financial difficulties.
If you have maintain self-worth/confidence, attraction will remain; wife/gf will stay aware that if she does not give her best, some other women will do.
It does not matter if you are married or not.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 I guess it's too widely individual to generalize...
For instance, I happen to disagree with all what Universe man mentions. Except perhaps the looking needy or clingy or desperate. To me the rest is tolerable,or even endearing.
As for the "keeping the options open with other women " that's something that totally turns me off. If I just catch a whiff that a guy sees me as his back-up plan,or his default option- that's a huge deal breaker. Hey call me self centered, call me narcissistic. What can I say.
To me an attraction killer could be poor personal hygiene
and bad manners. Also ,acting conceited, arrogant or selfish. And I hate when people get drunk and make a spectacle of themselves- but this might be my very personal hang-up because I see that in the USA that's not considered such a terrible faux pas.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (17 May 2010):
They seize upon an initial mutual attraction as an invitation to fast-track emotional and physical intimacy. They open up and explain who they are too fast in the hopes of being accepted and liked. They give the woman too many compliments and gifts and too much attention. They make themselves too available. They don't keep their options open with other women. They appear needy or clingy or desperate or lacking in female attention.
These are the mistakes I have made and still tend to make if I'm not careful. I think they're fairly common. Some men make different mistakes.
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