A
female
age
51-59,
*ternalSunshine
writes:My husband has cheated on me three times, the first two were one night stands, this second time he actually moved out and had a "relationship" with the woman he started cheating with. Our marriage was very dysfunctional for years, I take responsibility for my part in that. We were both starving for affection and love. After he moved out, well I kicked him out, I fixed the parts of me that were broken--I was very anxious and screwed up. I dont' have time to go into it here but its been a miraculous transformation.AFter I filed for divorce, he wanted to come home. Said he made a mistake, wanted to be with me because I am so loving and happier now. We've been together again since September, all though it took him several months to completly end contact with his affair partner. He is only loving, humble that I took him back, madly in love with me, does anything and everything I ask him to do, tells me I am the most beautiful, sexy, funny, brilliant woman he know and I believe him that he really feels this way.But. I am tortured, every day, every time he touches me by images of him with this other woman. It is driving me crazy, to the point where I don't know if I can actually stay with him.Here's where the fun part starts:I am thinking about sleeping with someone else. I have told him this and he says he cant and own't blame me, but I know how it would torture him and believe it or not I do not want that for him. Do not want him to live in this pain either.However, I think it would replace the pain and anguish I feel about him telling this woman he loved her and sleeping with her for 6 months.Last week, he and I hung out with an old friend of his and we were at the bar drinking and laughing and his friend looked at me while he was talking and ZING! Something happened. I know he felt it and saw it too because our eyes locked and stayed that way. It wasn't flirting, it wasn't anything I've experienced before. It happened several times over the course of the night (my husband and i stayed the night at hs house) and then again the next day. We would talk talk talk, the three of us, and then every now and then when he would look at me, our eyes would lock and I felt him somehow deep down in my soul.I know this sounds like crazy bullshit but now I can't get him out of my mind. I don't think I'm just grasping at something that's not there.He's a sincere man and would never ever betray his friend, my husband, but I am thinking that I would. I've thought about driving over to his house to hang out with him and ask him what he felt. I know my own answer to this. Dishonesty is the problem here, I should tell my husband about this but it would kill him. Then I think, I would be no better than him if I acted on this. Who cares how he hurt me? he argued the same justification to himself when he cheated and ran off with his affair partner. It's possible there is too much damage for us to recover. I would rather start over.My question: Is there anyone out there who has had this circumstand? Spouse cheats, is remorseful and you try reconciliation but find the damage too great to overcome? Plus now I have this added attraction to one of his oldest friends! Help!
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female
reader, dawnathome +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I really feel for you and your dilemma. I too have had thoughts of sleeping with someone else to feel empowered again. I would NOT want my husband to know. I just have thoughts of "well if I did what he did then maybe I can put it behind me and get the images of him with other women out of my mind". In my heart I know I could NOT actually get naked with another man and I don't want to lower my standards. I have no advice for you just wanted to reach out and let you know that you are not alone in your way of thinking. If the images you get moving through your head are anything like what flashes thru mine....UGH! If you find a way to move through it please let me know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Ditch your husband and start anew with someone else. Think of it this way, most men wouldn't take their wives back after their wives falling out of love and sleeping with someone else just because because you now changed.
Don't put yourself through this emotional torture by staying with him and by staying with him don't put yourself down to his level by cheating on him.
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