A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now and about a week ago my boyfriend and I were on holiday together; we'd gone away with my family. We shared a room but not a bed; we're both virgins and I want to wait until I turn 18 before I have sex.One night during the week we spent together I went to bed and fell asleep quickly; I didn't hear my boyfriend come upstairs and get into his own bed. Half way through the night I woke up to him looming over my bed, one hand groping my top half and the together sliding into my pyjama shorts. When I woke up I jumped and he pulled his hands away quickly and retreated to the bathroom. Nothing was said on the matter the morning after but I was terrified and still am that he'll do it again or may have done it before; all I keep thinking is "how far would he have gone if I hadn't have woken up?". I can't look him in the eye anymore and I feel physically sick when he touches me, even if he just puts his hand on my shoulder.Am I over reacting?Should I just let it go and move on?I'm confused as to whether or not my reaction to the whole thing is normal.
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male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (1 August 2008):
 Personally i wouldnt care how far you go when awake him touching you while you are asleep is harrasment, he crossed the boundries of your relationship by putting his hands down your pyjamas
The reasoning that you cant expect a teen boy to control himself being in a room with you may be true but is also wrong, i personally wouldnt do it to a girl, unless she knew and it was completly ok.
Talk to him and tell him never to do it again, make sure he know how you feel
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Good idea to wait until you are 18 to have sex, but do you fondle each other when you are making out? Do you ever allow him to touch you like that when you are totally awake? If the answer to that is no and he knows that then he was very wrong to do what he did and you need to talk to him about it and tell him that it should never happen again. If you normally allow him to do things like that then he probably thought that there was nothing wrong with doing it when you were asleep and you need to explain that you do not want him to do things like that again.
If you have never allowed him to touch you in that manner then it was probably not a good idea to have shared a room. That is just asking too much of a young guy to do with his girlfriend.
When my wife and I were first dating, I used to fondle her sometimes when she was asleep. Of course, we were in our 30s and had already had sex. I never asked her if it was OK and she never minded it. I woke up in the middle of the night, was horny, and fondled one of her soft parts. She also did that with one of my not so soft parts. I'm not trying to condone what he did, but it happens when 2 people of the opposite sex, who date, are sleeping together, even if not in the same bed. Make it known that it should not happen again if you are offended by it.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 If a couple sleeps together even if they are not having sex yet then some touching is to be expected.
But this sounds like a serious violation of the rules you had set. If the idea was that you two would share a room but in seperate beds as teenagers who have the hots for each other.
Well, I can only say that either your parents really trust you or they just accept the two of you are fucking like rabbits already.
How far do you normally go? It would be silly to expect a teen boy to sleep in the same room as his girlfriend (or for that matter any female) and NOT use the moment to sneek a peak. Going so far as to grope you and attempt to finger you... that is a bit to much.
But not unexpected.
Part of me wants to say he didn't respect your feelings and violated you, but I also got to ask just what the hell you expected? Perhaps you really trusted him? Well, now you know better.
It reminds me of that ep in the wonder years where the male lead falls asleep with his girlfriend but then brags to his mate that something happened to impress his friends and because he feels insulted both she and her parents trust that nothing happened.
Yes, he violated her trust, as did your boyfriend but asking a ferile male to sleep in the same room and expecting nothing to happen goes beyond trust and straight into insult. He is NOT a eunuch. You shouldn't have agreed to the sleeping arrangement, it is awfully close to saying he is to much of a weeny to do anything.
He was wrong but he should never have been put into that position in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Dudette, this is sexual abuse =\ you shouldnt stand for it
I would finish with him, seeing as he didnt respect the fact you didnt want to have sex with him until you were 18.
I hope this helps,
Tasha x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): The fact is, you haven't had sex yet so you haven't crossed that line so him doing that while your asleep...yes it sounds creepy
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (28 July 2008):
 It depends what his intention were. My hubbie often wakes me up by having a grope but its intended to turn me on and we have sex, he also loves to be woken this way. Maybe he hoped you would wake up and encourage him so you could have sex. I think you need to ask him as if he just thought he could have a quick grope without you realing it then what he did was wrong x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):
I think it would be more understandable if you were both sexually active and experienced, or if the situation was slightly different (say you both had been drinking and were making out and then you fell asleep)
But for him to come in to your room whilst you were sleeping and grope you like that seems pretty wrong, and that he didn't respect you.
You should ask him about it if you can and look at his reaction. See if he is embarrassed by the whole thing (i.e. his hormones got the better of him and he regrets it) or if there is something a bit more pervy to it. I think once you know how he feels about it, it will be easier to decide what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 You are not over reacting, this is sexual harassment.
It was wrong for him to touch you, especially since you were asleep and unaware.
Confront him about this, and I would even consider breaking up over it, when it comes to sexual harssment, there's no excuse.
Good luck, and please update!
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): i think that you should talk to your boyfriend about it. lads do tend to do things like that, but i'm sure he wouldn't have done anything without your consent.
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